Spirit and the Wild

Let's Talk About Faith, Baby

2012-01-22T11:20:00.003-05:00

I always knew that I was supposed to be a spiritual teacher. Supposed to be, meaning meant to be. Must be. A given in the purpose of my life, an obvious that I have felt for a long time within me, that was waiting to burst forth. I was uncertain of which way this would come about, was I to graduate from teaching yoga to teaching about placing faith in the universe? Would it be through the practice that I was able to reveal to others the power of Source? Or, was it through my writing, that I would find the ability to reach those even off the mat, and allow them to release any discordance they held around the idea of surrendering, softening, being receptive to the concept of God? Yup, I did it. I dropped the G-word, the trigger-full, vibrationally stagnant, due to all the emotional turmoil that surrounds that seemingly innocent three-letter-word.

It's a huge trigger word for me personally, throughout my childhood I encountered many different possibilities of faith, from Maharishi Ayurveda to Orthodox Judaism. I was born with an immense trust in source that was skewed with skepticism and disbelief from what I witnessed around me, within my surrounding world. I saw the great divides the choice of religion created, instilling a lack of trust in your inner wisdom, your inner seed of the divine tampered with by Monsanto. I experienced yoga as a safe zone, spirituality disguised as a physical workout, a way I could discover the bodily sensation of faith, without tripping out in a temple. I felt I was forced into religion, but I literally fell into faith. As soon as I allowed myself to divorce from the dogma of my earlier years, from societal perceptions of God, I discovered it within me. I felt the divine Source both in spirit and in matter, the trust in this great power that be coursing through my blood, the solidarity of my bones, the sinewy fibers of my muscles, within the pores of my skin. It revealed itself within my diaphragm, within the Spirit of my breath, commingled with each pulse of inspiration and excavation. This pulsation of us reflecting the external pulsation of our greater experience, the reveal and conceal - the Awakening flowing into the Mystery.

Within my public teachings, I disguised talking about the divine, finding every way to instill trust in ourselves without having to talk about the G-word. I heard from students how it was still a tough word to swallow, like one of those big multi-vitamin horse-pills, too much all at once. I used safe words like devotion, trust, mutual respect, interconnectivity, inner wisdom, inner guide. I devised a class called Hot Core, to highlight how hardcore it truly was to connect to our center, to the reveal of Spirit and Matter commingling, cultivating the seed of Light-Love-Source-You. I felt the hunger within you, the desire of the seeker, searching for something that was lost, taken away or given away sometime within your story. I felt the resistance and the fear within you, that still kept you on the hamster wheel, continuously plucking along, uncertain or afraid to admit why. I felt these within myself as well. These finely interwoven and embedded ideas that I thought were "mine", that filled me with distrust, no confidence in truth. I began to unravel and extract these things within me that were not me to begin with. I worked as diligently as a brain surgeon, piercing my laser scalpel through the bullshit, surprising myself along the surgical journey, parts of ME were not ACTUALLY ME!

Then it spoke. The conversation of body to mind to heart of me, began a larger discussion with my world. I saw signs and symbols all over the place, as I flowed through time, finding post-it notes from Source everywhere! Sometimes the conversation was quite humorous and playful, from one child to another, delighting in synchronicities and mischief. Other times it had more weight, making me accountable for what I must act upon within my life. Both guiding and supporting me. Sometimes it was just nature itself - the Earth, the Wind, the Sun, the Rain. I faced this simple symbiosis, this eternal harmony. The wisdom embedded within and without, the knowledge of my Spirit, the intelligence of my Body, both illuminating the same truth in a slightly different way. Holy shit, the bi-polarities of fear began to combine, collaborating and restoring to unity.

I have faith. Ishvara Pranidhana, supreme dedication. This feeling, this knowing, has allowed what I thought I "knew" - the mental constructs of who I am, to release. It has revealed the most incredible source and sensation of Power within me. Around me. All over me. It's not all about love, and it's not all about light. It's not all about ascending in Spiritual matters, and it's not all about digging into the Wild spirit of Matter. They are two sides of the same coin. It's really all about all. Or nothing, really. Less words, less definitions, diving into the sensation of trust. You don't have to believe me. Believe in yourself, have faith in the whole. Or, not. It's your choice in the end. What do you choose today?

Into the Wild

2012-01-18T22:14:00.001-05:00

"Our human limitations are based on fear and the agreements we have made to be limited. All fear can be processed, and all those agreements are now past their due date and can be removed. Welcome to the new paradigm." -Inelia Benz

I have always been a nomad. Shifting schools and moving homes with my family, exploring the terrain of new roommates, travelling to different lands, discovering my capabilities in many different careers. The one constant - change - coursed through my blood, wild and potently drawing me towards the next step. I dove into teaching yoga, passion ignited, purpose revealing itself with each breath. I learned more deeply of the many layers of self, the energetic centers, the mental constructs, the ego. One by one, my fears began to reveal themselves, sometimes like a silly flasher, sometimes like the dark monster that lurks under the bed. One by one I faced them, I breathed with them, I felt them and poured into their darkest core the light and love of me. The more internal layers of fears have begun to whisper their names, the soft shadows of their presence I observe with curiosity. With these fears have come judgements, discoveries on how I perceived myself within my world, on how other's expectations of me still dictated most of my decisions. Anger, frustrations and hurts that I were not aware of, surface softly, simply to disperse into the ether as I connect more and more of my light to them. As I continue to process, more space within reveals itself, more space for the song of my heart to pierce through. The ripples of bliss have begun their flow. My breath pushing them onwards, upwards, outwards and in.

I am a spiritual adventurer who is committing to face my fears and reveal more self-love. I am a nurturer, a lover, a service-provider. I tend to give more than I receive. I want to continue to soften, to learn to be as receptive as the Earth itself. My heart yearns for water, for waves crashing into my internal emotional ocean. I desire to see mountains, the earth rock solid, pillars of strength standing tall beside me. I want to recharge as I allow myself to receive the coddling of Mother Earth, to bask in my mirror. I have bought a one-way ticket to Lima, Peru. I have chosen to step into the wild. To embark in conversation with my intuitive center, to stop and listen to the un-struck sound of my heart. It doesn't make any sense mentally, physically an occasional fear surfaces, but my spirit is hula-hooping over the moon, dancing and twirling, celebrating with every cell my choice to follow my heart, to surrender completely to what I desire. I am ready. To live how I want to live, to offer what I can, to write my story. I will see where the wind takes me as I breathe with the rhythm of my surroundings, living, loving and learning always. Who knows where I may see you next!

Inhale. What has my decision revealed to you? Within you? Exhale. What has surfaced, what areas of your body contracted or released? What thoughts entered your mind? What do you feel? No judgements, not needed. Let me be your mirror too. It's time to live our destinies, it's time to live our joy. Within the wild can you locate your moving river, flowing from your emotional depths, coursing through your most brilliant body, that river that flows in harmony with the very Source of all that is. What do you want to do today?

"When you do something from your soul, you feel a river moving in you, a joy" -Rumi

same, but different

2012-01-10T02:27:00.000-05:00

On top of this being a shameless promotion of my first weekend intensive, I was inspired to write by my good friend Lawrence, inspired by his honest words in his blog. I have taken quite the break from writing full sentences (as you can see if you scroll down my recent posts), as I worked in revealing the truthful vibration behind each and every word that comes out. That has been my work for months, a part of the Tantric path is to work with words and thought constructs and purify them, to release what is not working for you. Well, the way I took this was to stop writing and first work on speech - until I could feel that every word was in resonance, making harmonious music with my very core, that deep internal place within me where I connect to my spirit, my essence. This was tough. It took time. Months. The work revealed itself in many ways; dietary changes, shifts in practice, my relationship to my body, how I feel desiring to transfer into how I expressed myself. There have been many stumbles, times when I feel I have hit a wall and the emotion wanting to burst forth but the uncertainty of which words to choose halting the progression. With each halt arose more deep, internal work, either in naming the barricade or letting it fall. I stripped my ego bare in order to rebuild it, with new perceptions waiting at the sidelines ready to replace the old ones. I am still a work in progress. So please honour my disjointed ramblings, yet please know they are coming from a place you can trust.

During my work into revealing my dark, it was quite incredible how so much light blasted through in the process. I feel different, I sometimes even think I look different. Same, but different. Incredible immense light co-habitating my body with the dark spots that still love me so. I am calm as I sit and write, I transmit freely, ready for the larger ventures to come. I am heading to Peru, you see. To unplug from the day-to-day, to dive into Mother Earth's receptive and warm embrace, to literally bury my roots into the earth, to plunge into the depths of her womb. It is time to be nurtured by the Great Mama, allowing me time to play. My playtime will consist of art, creating words on my paper canvas, deciphering more of the essence of my truth, my wisdom and what I must share. Exploring the mirror of the land and the sea, emoting when needed and stoically still when required. Revealing more and more of my truth, discovering and delighting in the desires of my heart. Internal harmony so I can fully reflect that into creating resonance within my external me, my surroundings.

It's so sweet to feel this resonance, my personal orchestra flowing through this epic piece of my life. Aligning with all the sound instruments and musicians, I see that I'm not the only one out there with this readiness for the reveal. I am looking forward to many collaborations this year, continuing to connect with those that I am contracted with, for those blessed individuals that I am beaming to call the assembly. That's it, that's all this transitional year is as of now, simply stacking the cards, assembling the participants. Attempting to peak out from my internal landscape and discover in the truthful expression of our journeys that our landscapes are similar. Same, but different. So, yes, I am excited about my very first weekend workshop, which I'd like to call Core Intensive instead. Core, being the central, innermost or most essential part of anything. Intensive, as in requiring a high concentration of a specified quality or element. Lawrence and I look forward to revealing parts of the process, two teachers sharing what has came up thus far. The quality of the work is it's depth, it's piercing quality to see you, full reveal to see what was concealed.

Unity is a place to look forward to. The wild, chaos of transitional now is a place for us to simply act to what resonates, what feels in harmony with all of our body - [physical, mental, emotional, ego and spiritual] - no judgements allowed. To find out how, we must act, we must practice, the tools of our chosen tradition. Aiding in the calm within the storm. The juxtaposition of supposed opposites living in symbiosis within. Assembly is congregating this weekend, I anticipate the cards will stack just right. Those who are ready for the work will come, the work of burning down those preconceived notions of existence, getting into those places of discomfort, facing those places within that harbor fear. And processing it, that's all we can do. As we work with our core of our self, revealing the truthful similarities while honouring the differences.

"Meditation and spiritual practice are good, but also action. It's very important to be clear about who you are, and also about your relation to the Earth. Develop yourself according to your own tradition and the call of your heart. But remember to respect differences, and strive for unity." - Carlos Barrios, Mayan Elder

Intention

2012-01-02T11:42:00.000-05:00

I peak out of the lazy lids
wrapped in warmth, delighting, inviting
What say I, this joyous day

I am an energetic engine fuelled by heart and grounded in authentic self!

I hold space with the help of Lady J
To integrate wisdom, to express to share
the work, the process

The light is wild bright
All flows as is
All is as is
All requires nothing
except continuous excavation out of your comfort zone

I intend to live my destiny
I intend to be me and only me
I intend to blaze my most resonant path
Of Love

Honour the self
Love the Body
Celebrate your light

Let judgement go
Let expectation go
Fuck you old habits
Let it go

Dissolution
Ambition
Premonition

Resolve

partake

2011-11-26T23:29:00.001-05:00

Dragon's breath
Winding fire entrails
Speak easy or not so
Ground, center
once again
delight, partake
sage

Why not
intimacy
define, partake
limits less
open ness
sweet soft baby's breath

crash ing
be ing
why
oh yes
sight delight
fiercely bright
ignite

partake
once twice thrice
breathe
pace slowly
tread loudly
be you
only
always
must be

bless it
bliss it
be

How do I live in truth?

2011-11-15T09:59:00.001-05:00

This response to a letter from a student is being shared with their permission, their identity has been concealed to protect their individual self. Xoxo J.

hey Josie,it's time for me to ask YOU for some advice! I've been really struggling within myself about who I am and who I can be around other people. I know that sounds wierd, but it's like this incredibly hard shift for me to open up myself and just be the true me I really want to be... (this is all of the original letter I feel I must share, other than the quoted excerpts included in my response)

Hi student, It is wonderful that you come to me, for I feel I am in an energetic space to offer advice without my judgement or expectations, but from a place of sight and love of your most beautiful light-filled being that is just continuing to experience more and more bliss with each additional day! I have been working within myself and have had lessons within others that have approached me that this is my work, to offer loving guidance as simply and sweetly that you have me. So know that all advice given is offered from LOVE.

My work has been with the malas (the dust/dirt) that veils us from fully revealing our heart (to ourselves or to others - different steps) in relation to healing and continuing to awaken the wisdom of the body through the emotions (or E-Motion, energy in motion), and if you are unfamiliar with these connections I want to first share them with you, for then your own intuitive light self I am certain will draw additional conclusions with this information.

MALAS:
(1) ANAVA - Isolation, worthlessness, alone, "I'm not part of Source"
(2) MAYIYA - Difference, judgement, "I'm not like you"
(3) KARMA - Powerlessness, can't act/do, "I can't"

Emotion or E-Motion - all our thoughts are literally fluctuations of electricity = energy in motion. "Energy can be transformed, but cannot be created/destroyed" - law of thermodynamics (thanks Aaron Slade!)

The rasas (tastes/emotions) can be modeled around this expression of energy, that emotions are fields of energy with vibration that can be excited to a higher level of vibration, or condensed to a lower level of vibration. These rasas connect to the aforementioned malas like so:

(1) (Anava) - Sadness -> Compassion -> Peace
(2) (Mayiya) - Anger -> Courage -> Love
(3) (Karma) - Fear -> Wonder -> Joy

These are the concepts. Now my interpretation of them with your questions, which were vocalized so eloquently, my dear :) Our way of healing our vibration, as you have so found and highlighted within your life already, is through the physical body. Connecting to your body in a loving way, communicating with it, nourishing it, touching it and feeling it.

"The big thing for me is fear of being vulnerable. People have often told me that I could use a thicker skin," - Vulnerability, what does that mean to you? Define the word. Where do you feel this fear of vulnerability within your body? How does it feel like? Can you look at it, breathe while just feeling it, inhaling and allowing the sensation with no judgement, then exhaling and letting it start to release? Do you need to move your body to help it release? Breathing with movement is essential to move it through any contracted places within.

And growing a thicker skin - what does this mean to you? Is this connecting yourself more so to the power within your body? Is it strengthening your connection to the LOVE of the body, so your skin - as vulnerable, light and porous as it may become, will not deplete you, or allow others to deplete you?

You are already awakened to your spirit, to your guides, to LIGHT, it is truly magnificent to see. You have begun to awaken to the spirit within the physical body - LOVE, from all your connections to Father Sky and Mother Earth on the outside and in (finding the perfect outer world, surroundings and inner world of spirit and light and love) it is time now to see fully that you already HAVE all the tools you need to be completely YOU, Student, in all your light and shining glory! Woohoo!

I believe your work to reveal this is through the release of old fears that are not serving your high vibrational being and level anymore. Stay committed to engaging your physical body in loving movement - whatever it may be, feel your body fully, and if pain or contracting lower vibration surfaces in areas of the body, see it, feel it, breathe it, then release it. It is a daily practice of moving the physical body, while being constant in your faith within yourself - trust your TRUTH, your intuition and light being, and allow it to reveal. The reveal within yourself can take moments, it's through energetic intention and commitment. The reveal to others can be a little slower, depending on how much judgements the physical body is healing from as well. Know the "saboteurs" that come your way (and there will be some), are coming from a place of destructive denial of light - which can be disguised within anyone. This denial of light and love wants you to stay hidden, for this fear feeds it to no end. It provokes you and prods you with lower vibrational emotions and energies, to see if you will respond with fear instead of love.

Hence why the importance of empowering the physical body - this breathing, pulsing wonder of a physical being in this world, and in no other lifetime or timeline is so important. This is your fighting armor of LIGHT. For you to stand courageous, compassionate and full of wonder - even in the face of challenge from fear entities. Hold true to your love and light source, work on healing YOUR body ONLY.

In regards to my keen sense of life direction (thanks for the compliment!), it has come from this work.

" ...I'm super afraid of being 1:bombarded by the wrong type of energy from people who really have issues (been there, done that and it was enough to really discourage me from doing anything intutive)" - YES. As you heal, they will come, those little saboteurs, testing your strength and commitment to LOVE, ONENESS, INTIMACY, TRUTH. But now you can be prepared. Having highlighted your sensory reactions (how does fear feel in the body, how does love), then you will be able to not engage with them. Simple. Know that as your healing progresses, the tests will fall away, the saboteurs will have a more challenging time attaching to your auric field and coming into your life. You will be so strong in your connection to love and light that there will be no chance for them to harm you, only they will be left with a choice - to trust their own light, love and truth - or not. The harm that you feel others are doing to you (discouragement, judgement, expectations, etc.) must be reflected to you within this work (very revealing and humbling - phew!), why are you judging, etc. yourself, and how can you LET GO of those judgements, those discouragements and surround yourself in love?

"Once the teacher is ready, the students appear". Meaning, the students/clients you have received so far within your line of work are there to assist you in yours, always. Perfect example, I have been doing a lot of work in revealing my truthful authentic self within my physical body, and I believe this is starting to occur, since now I am receiving others asking me for guidance with this. I must have the tools if I'm asked to assist (from a place of love and non-sabotage - which obviously I KNOW YOU ARE COMING FROM!) :) :)

".. 2:being misjudged or untrusted by my employers or other people unfamiliar with intuitive stuff" - PEOPLE CANNOT MISJUDGE LOVE, they may not fully understand or comprehend your passion or purpose, but the misjudgements or lack of trust from others - again - is coming from within first and foremost, and simply being shown to you within others for you to dig deeper within yourself. Love is pure truth, and when others feel that from you, even if they don't fully understand, they feel, hear, see and sense that you are okay, not here to harm them in any way, but here to be of love. They will accept you for who you are. If not, go back to the saboteur idea, and choose to clarify your boundaries from a loving space with them. This may be a simple chat to clear up miscommunications (I know, it is hard to speak in truth, but have courage, be strong), or it could be you cutting cords with them. One thing that rings true loud and clear from my work is that clear and truthful boundaries coming from a place of pure love vary depending on the unique individual.

"3:not having enough of the right ideas-??" - Your ideas are your ideas. They are right, they are perfect for you. Ideas, creativity, is a divine gift, inspiration is in sweet connection of source. If the ideas are not coming, trust, be patient and continue to clear and move the body. Treat it to massages (from yourself or someone else), baths, yoga, tai chi, qi gong, running, cycling, whatever your movement pleasure - again LOVE this body and allow it to release it's own karma mala (fear of non-doing/powerlessnes) to give your inner world more space for divine inspiration. Ah, creativity, it will come ALWAYS when READY! Oh, and the outer space ( your own surroundings, may need clearing to, do a good cleaning, organizing and shifting of the energy around you! Yay!)

4:not having enough income from it (yikes!) - ah, and the biggy, the lack feeling. Yup, it's a doozy. Meditate on money, like literally with it in your hand. A great meditation on money, is free on Inelia Benz' site, I will share with you the link: Reconnecting with the Spirit of Money

So, to connect to that direction within life? That true capability of co-creating with Source/the divine? Look in the mirror. The physical one to see and heal and hear and love and feel yourself, release whatever negativity arises by looking it in the face with love and breathing and moving until it lets go of it's hold on you. Oh, and did I mention as you breath and feel, you may need to move and shake your body, and even move and shake your emotions? Meaning CRY, WAIL, MOAN, GROWL, whatever energy needs to be transformed, SOUND IT OUT!!! Then, the direction, the clients, the employers and employment possibilities will all reveal itself. The income will flow sufficiently with as much excess as you desire and belief that you can receive it.

It takes work to take the plunge in living your truth, in BE-ing your truth. Know that you are fully capable of doing so perfectly and beautifully! Continue to breathe, feel, move and feel...oh, and did I mention all done with LOVE? :)

xoxo J.

P.S. Please let me know if I can post my answer (with your name changed) on my blog. I feel this information and your questions can help many and should be seen by many. xoxo J

P.P.S. Oh, and the plan, my earthly being, will reveal itself in 3 month increments. So all you need to plan is the next possible season of love, the next year of living your dreams, and then the next five years. Mark them down in career, health, wealth and love, but start with your overall depiction of your spiritual purpose (goal) as well. If there needs to be more clarity on what you see, meditate on it firstly, and also - breathe, move, live, laugh and love and it will come. I LOVE YOU!

P.P.P.S. This is a lot to digest. Also, I tried to make it as short as possible. AND, this is the first letter of it's kind, meaning I am trying to share my personal healing work in a way that may help you. Whatever does not resonate, let it go. If there is ANYTHING THAT NEEDS TO BE CLARIFIED, or if you HAVE ANY QUESTIONS, please feel free to respond. xoxo J.

Breath Work

2011-11-14T16:32:00.001-05:00

Symbiosis - simplicity - brevity - unknown - mystery - love - spirit guide - run with extraforaneous wildly exotic fantasticknessbreathe in breathe out world in world out spirit in spirit out spirit always- truth be told all can heal, all power of this body of this creation in this life -wonderment - awe of the ability now even more so to broaden, deepen, love -transparency vulnerability occurring to all, allow vibration to stay high - it works.Physical body - 11 - Power - healing all is through breath - allow knowing to soften, doesn't come from where we think -comes from an internal receptor that we all share - similar frequency - our experience a collective experience - to heal world we heal ONLY ourselves.Body is stupendous - healing opportunity always - but must fully feel it, no holding back, no contraction. Sweetness, Softness, Light!There is a reason for me being here right now, and it will continue to show itself. Let mind go and connect to inner knowing and breath. Choose egoic workings to celebrate the inner power, but that is all.So much love - respond to touch - to warmth, to wholeness.xoxo J.

Sat

2011-10-02T20:29:00.002-04:00

Divorced of Dogma, Engaged to Experience
I let go completely, sweetly, resolutely
With that release reveals in the BE-ing of ME, YOU, NATURE
I explore the air mixed with dandelion fluff and daffodils
Light everywhere, intoxicating the dark
Relinquishing All
Revealing All
LOVE
BLISS
LIGHT
Words fall away, all that is left is sound, knowing, IS-ness
SAT

Time for Work

2011-09-14T09:19:00.000-04:00

In the crisp fall morning, I awoke with understanding, clear-knowing of how to go about things. I see the next steps with clear-vision, simply as if I cleaned a window and discovered the light of day across the glass - the path is always there, right in front of me. There is much work to be done. Planning yes, but mainly preparing for what is to come. I continue to cleanse my body, mind and heart of old habits that do not serve. That do not serve me, the goodness and the light. I am a spiritual teacher, connecting more to the strong spiritual nomad of past life, I am here to help. My focus is community, energy and love. It is time for me to wake up, and honour the magnitude of my work. For years I sheltered my empathy, hid from my clair-knowing, afraid of these inner abilities and my intuition. I hid behind the fuzziness of drugs and alcohol, simple toxins that numbed the wisdom of the future, and just made me interact with present circumstance. I smoked for years, and then more years, the one thing that hindered me on waking to the highest. Slowly and steadily, as I worked diligently to clear these old habits of hiding away, more and moreso my innate sensitivities, my intrinsic knowing centre revealed itself more and more. I observe my interactions in the city, humbled and in awe with the amount of miscommunications that develop and rise. All because we do not feel safe in the love and energy of each other. We are fearful of people's motives, survival mode in the Toronto streets, uncertain of if someone running to us will push us over or hug us. Our energy becomes erratic, communication garbled. As an empath, I find more and more how I've been reflecting energy and emotion around me for years. You speak angrily towards me, I will respond in the same tone. You are stunted in speech, I fumble with my words. My constant laughter and smiles do not dispel all. My mirror-like quality of being is fearful to some, for as they look into me, they truly look into themself. Sensing fear and disconnect for years, I protected myself, by solitude, toxicity and falseness. I now choose to do the WORK. With this decision has come a flood of deepened awareness - not to lord over others, but to share with each other, to show that they have it too. We all have clarity, be it in knowledge, vision, hearing and feeling. The universe that surrounds us communicates with us every day through signs and symbols of love and wisdom, reminding us of this deep connection, this wondrous conversation between us. Call it yoga, define it however you want, it has woven it's way through generations, through cultures and terrain. So why do I write with such fervor? I feel it is time for the conversation to become louder, the talk of love, connection and feeling. As more tumult flies around us and through us, it is time for us to share this awakening. I feel so much of you, I feel the sadness of wounds, but know that does not have to be. You can shift your greatest wounds into wisdom and love. I feel the anger and frustration of lack, but know that does not have to be. You can move through this misinterpreted idea, we all can and will have all that is. I see with more clarity others challenges and disbelief in our connection and love, and I know the next step is finding the proper tools to work through this. To share with courage our suffering and pain, and watch it be comforted and healed. We are not alone. Let us work together, with trust and openness. I am not here to harm anyone, I am not here to show you that you are wrong. I am here for you to be here, you are here for me. I honour your unique differences and embrace our similarities. OM.

I Cry, Therefore I am Feminine

2011-09-12T11:33:00.002-04:00

"You are not the body and mind. Feel it" -Sri Bramananda Sarasvati
I awoke to a deep wail, the roar turning within me, a flood of emotions pulsating, waiting to erupt. Once I began I couldn't stop, sobbing as I cleansed my body, the hot water beating against me, intermingling with my wet tears. I didn't apologize, it was the first time I just let myself cry. Not a performance, not trying to get any outcome, just allowing the sadness and despair flow through me, release from deep within. I cried for my wounds, I cried for the wounds of my friends I have witnessed, the wounds that are a part of my family. I allowed myself to fully feel the power of this emotion. I have always gone more so the route of laughter than tears. I feel love and light, and want to celebrate it with the world. That celebratory release is laughter. Laughter is bliss! I was overwhelmed by the shakti I felt course through me. Sobbing - I embraced my inner goddess, the divine feminine shakti that I connected to so deeply. I am an emotional being! I feel you, I feel me. Crying is deep CIT - recognition and remembrance of all that is me, all that is you, all that is us. The good, the bad and the ugly. The hurt, the wounds and the wisdom. I allowed my inner waters to flow, to move, to shift. I allowed myself feel the rawness of this emotion, the deep power that is encapsulated within the roar, a scream, a wail. By the time I brought nourishment to my lips, the tears were spent. My skin glowed in a knowing way, my eyes full of tejas, that inner light. I felt so full of love, so calm and connected. I was still once again.

Pushing boundaries

2011-08-29T23:17:00.007-04:00

Well, as you may have realized, my venture into controlled blogging (Diary of an Anusara Yogi) lasted one whole article. Okay, okay, it could be my ego as a writer, believing that everyone really really is superiorly interested in my run-on sentences, and masturbatory descriptions as I utilize the English language to my liking... but I just couldn't jive with writing a blog that was edited by someone other than myself. So - after an intensely long and wild hiatus, I am pleased to announce my commitment to dive back into this blog. I still have been writing this year, but more for specific projects - be it film and television related (treatments and scripts) to business (oh yes, I have written one business plan, am working on a second, and have oodles of contracts and other business-related docs under my belt-booya!) or even to my yoga practice. But I miss this opportunity to rant, gush and enjoy as delightfully long and run-on as my sentences sometimes desire to be.

I remember back, it must have been last year, when Henrieta was brainstorming on this photo shoot, this concept that was guaranteed to push buttons. In her soft voice and clear observing eyes she articulated to me how we could take the student-teacher relationship to the extreme, highlighting how I already as a teacher was in the dominant role, so why not add in the photograph an actual riding crop and leather? I actually dismissed it from my mind, thinking it was an intoxicated vision, never to actually be. But my tenacious friend contacted me late in the spring and asked if I was still interested. Sure!, I said, happy to be of help, and hey, I am a pretty strong, confident, and wildly independent woman, so... Hell ya!

As this photo shoot came closer, I began to get more and more nervous, could I go through with it? What would my students think? What would my friends think? What did I think?? Ummm... it felt right to do, supporting creative expression, in this very tongue-in-cheek depiction of the teacher-student relationship, the hard and soft of the practice, the darkness and the light. I connected with the meaning, I was excited to wear leather I must admit (it's not a normal part of my wardrobe), and a good lesson for me to come in and be the model, for me to be directed and just do. So, I did it, and I had butterflies in my stomach all the way to the studio. When I arrived, there was a whole bunch of gear that a stylist brought from Northbound Leather and an awesome make-up artist to make me look pretty. Chrys, a friend and fellow teacher came to be the flexible guy, and was an incredible addition, without him, this vision would not be. Lights, camera, action!

Well to make a long story even longer, I did it and I enjoyed it! It was hugely empowering as a woman to play this dominant character in the shoot, to bring humour, beauty and strength of will all together. I came out feeling on top of the world, this wildly strong woman with a shy and awkward inner child dug deep into the dark muck of my fears and swallowed them whole. Then it went viral. Facebook is a fun thing, ain't it? Woah. Now I was shown the lesson of how much did other people's judgements and comments affect me? Strong yet somewhat awkwardly shy me? I got angry and blamed facebook, blamed the photographer... Then I realized, no blame needed. No shame, no guilt, no victimization necessary. I enjoyed the experience, creative expression is art and art is the original societal boundary pusher. BOOM! Ego let go just a little.

My students are my teachers. Within this practice, the student-teacher relationship reflects and refracts, back and forth, again and again. Henrieta taught me to truly embody my power, as a woman and as a teacher. The experience taught me that there is always a dark part within ourselves that we may discover, sometimes the teacher is simply the conduit, pushing/coaxing it into the light. But when we see it, it's still up to us to reveal it - to ourselves. I realized as strong as I may seem to everyone else, there was an inner critic and child within that was cautious and uncertain on how much of me to reveal.

So yes, as a teacher I push students. I push you to be the greatest you ever! And I thank each and every one of my students for continuing to push me, my boundaries, my preconceived notions of myself and the world I live in, in order for to continually tap back into that limitless freedom of knowing it's all good. And yes, depending on what's going on already within your personal life, sometimes a push may feel like a comforting hand on your back, supporting you fully, and other times it may feel like a huge smack. But know I do it from a place of love, mutual trust and respect, just as I know your kind comments, pushes and smacks aide and assist me.

Wow, this has become a ramble. All in all, thank you to my students for reminding me to write for it makes me happy and is part of my dharma. You know who you are! Who knows, if we continue to push each other's buttons, we can proceed to formulate even more authenticity and clarity in what we desire to express and articulate in life. Gah! So much to write about... I am standing on the edge of a cliff holding hundreds of life lessons to share in my arms, some dropping through my fingers and into the ocean below. But no worries none are lost, each is held in universal wisdom and love, and with all the time in the world on my side, I will breathe, sit and smile. Anticipating this intimate relationship we are embarking upon, that of writer and reader, student and teacher, friend and lover. I invite your questions, let's continue the conversation, pushing the boundaries of past to explore our fullest heart expression right now.

Diary of an Anusara Yogi

2011-01-28T13:30:00.004-05:00

Hi friends!

Check out my new blog, "Diary of an Anusara Yogi" on Toronto Body Mind, click the above link to be redirected to my new offerings! Would love to hear what you think!

Much Love and Light,

Josie

Antiquated Notions of Privacy

2010-09-15T17:01:00.005-04:00

Do you remember the beauty of a diary? I remember during my childhood, having the opportunity to find a beautiful notebook, that I could write down all my private thoughts and feelings, then lock it up for no prying eyes to see. I would sneak into my room, quiet as a mouse, and softly open the latch that I knew was the one thing that held my thoughts and experiences to me, and only me. I have been recently thinking about what has happened to private thought since everything has become public and externalized? I write on a blog, and so do many of my friends and family, hence, it's easy to remain "connected" by reading their angst, opinions and possible rants. We are also obviously in the era of facebook and twitter, where not just our photos and profile are public domain, but also our up-to-the-minute experiences. I get shown on a daily basis, downloaded right into the palm of my iPhone, what my friends in San Diego are making for dinner, the weather in Vancouver, who may be on a trip abroad. I find that the externalization of our mental, physical and emotional experiences has made it challenging to be alone. When all of a sudden you turn off the steady stream of information, and simply practice the art of being alone, there is a subtle desire that bubbles to the surface to quickly run to the computer, status update: Josie is practicing privacy for a couple of hours, please do not disturb.
I have the personality mixture that enjoys alone time as much as community time. I am one part hermit mixed with two shakes of a social butterfly. But as I read books on how to connect to my writer's voice, how to embrace my creative calling, the advice is to practice privacy. Julia Cameron, well-known for her publications to help inspire your creativity, reccommends journal writing and time for your self. Things that we may have taken for granted in another era can be very challenging to accomodate. What?? Pick up a pen and write on a piece of paper? Schedule a date with myself for myself? I love it, what a novice idea!
Journaling has always been for me moving meditation, there is a power to actually writing what is in your mind and heart through your hands. Actually forming the words with ink, the satisfying scratch of the paper, the shuffle of a page once it's on to the next one. But I ventured out into blogland, for I can type over 45 wpm, and I have the opportunity to reach a greater audience. Or simply, just an audience. For what is private thought if not communicated?
It's funny how my yoga practice, my writing, truly my life has presently shifted back to basics. Returning to the essence, the simplicity of parsvakonasana (side-angle pose) is matched by the connection of pencil to paper. My needs have lessened, though my desires and dreams have exploded. The world of imagination, the world where the mind and the heart collide, that wondrous internal private universe is where I look forward in residing this shift into the season of hibernation and creation. Creation of larger projects, more personal and less public. I'm off to buy myself a diary.

Circular Emotions

2010-09-07T12:13:00.004-04:00

The Emotional Scale, by Esther & Jerry Hicks

Joy- knowledge,empowerment,freedom,love,appreciation
Passion
Enthusiasm-eagerness, happiness
Positive Expectation belief
Optimism
Hopefulness
Contentment
Boredom
Pessimism
Frustration
Overwhelmment
Disappointment
Doubt
Worry
Blame
Discouragement
Anger
Revenge
Hatred-rage
Jealousy
Insecurity-guilt,unworthiness
Fear-Grief, Powerlessness, despair, depression

I love how when I began to learn tantric yoga philosophy, the idea of emotions, be they good or bad, were connected, hence each had their own importance, and would enable you to come closer to peace, love and joy by embracing the not-so-fun ones. August for me was a month of introspection mixed with relaxation, beaching and as much time spent out in the sun, we were so blessed with a glorious summer in Toronto. On this cooler and windy day, I look ahead to what's to come this fall season, planning and practicing patience while I collect my thoughts, dreams and desires. I had a couple of amorous encounters this summer, which led me to exploring the emotional scale, discovering the light of the upper emotions, while talking or sometimes even moping through feelings that I, an optimistic and positive person, usually did not give enough importance. There were days I felt immense anger, jealousy, insecurity, fear, worry, doubt, frustration, overwhelment. I doubted all that I have learned, I worried about what was to come in my future, I felt intense frustration that only was aided and released through conversation, and deep, sweaty, powerful practice. Yup, yoga came to the rescue once again, even though I felt the industry caused some of my disgruntled feelings.
It's hard being a full-time yoga teacher. I remember one of my teachers, who's been teaching full-time for decades reccommending me to always have something on the side, that would help in balance. But as any spiritual pursuit, it's addictive, the light always looks so shiny and enticing, to be of service to many, to be full of compassion and love. But as anything in extreme, it can become imbalanced, and I am back to where I was in Vancouver last December, knowing that my love for my practice and teaching is here to fuel my passions for other life endeavours. This summer I've been writing. Obviously not on my blog, since it's bare bones and lack of content highlights that very well. I started writing a larger piece of work, which I'm keeping under wraps for I don't think my child-like writer's ego could take any criticism at this stage in the process.
I've also been exploring other creative projects which have made my heart sing, organizing an awesome photo shoot with the always talented Henrieta Haniskova, continuing to showcase the kick-assana of the Toronto yogic community, bringing the beauty and strength of their practice to the streets of Toronto, showcasing how this city definitely ain't a mountain top, and our practice is our life. I have also been dipping my toes into the film pool once again, an endeavour of mine many years ago, which has always been a dream of mine. The production side is as crazy as ever, but my screenwriting has been resurrected, it's ashes rising like the talented phoenix.
I've discovered that my fears and turbulent emotions that surround my other life projects is what I face each time I come to my mat, each time I try to facilitate the journey within a student. More and more so, I find going to my mat frustrated, angry, depressed or with boredom, helps me to not simply eradicate these feelings, but to find how working through them, becoming aware of what frustration does to my thighs, boredom does to my shoulders and depression to my ribs.
I love how my practice, that is a mixture of being a teacher and a student, reminds me that my heart has always been open, I have roots as strong as the Gingko Biloba tree, I am spirit. But, depending on what path I need to take, what circles I need to tread around different days, different events, it may feel more as if I'm ripping apart my heart, breaking open my ribs to release fear, chiseling my shoulder girdle into fully participating in what my life has to offer once again. As a wise friend and teacher once said, the power is always there, we just choose how much to see it, to allow it to reveal.
So yes, as worried as I am about being coined the traveling gypsy, I acknowledge I am strong, I am rooted in my beliefs and values. As many challenges love and career throw my way, I know from experience that uncertainty always turns into certainty, the deepest and darkest downward spiral eventually turns upright once again. So I practice, I practice paying attention to my emotions as much as my body, on and off the mat. Fully in the wildness that is my life, my years of living out of two suitcases and a carry-on. And the clearer that I get, the more connections I see within events, emotions, spirit and the material, I know I will get stronger and more capable to fully share my story. To dive head first into my creative writing as I have done with my yoga studies, training and career. It's gonna happen, I feel it.

Treading Loudly

2010-07-12T13:43:00.008-04:00

My esteemed colleague, Sjanie McInnis recently posted as her facebook status a most delicious quote from the brilliant Douglas Brooks, "Passion is not a problem. Passion is the solution." It couldn't have arrived in my iPhone Facebook meanderings at a better time. With the rampant heat of my current city, and all the topsy-turvy life offerings that have come with this pairing of recent eclipses, I feel that my understandings of yogic offerings has been turned upside-down and inside-out. Last year, I spent the majority of it in teacher-student mode, if not teaching classes and practicing, then basically my time was spent on the road, training, learning more and more and more. I was all gung-ho in continuing a similair stream of events this year, planning a travel and training schedule, organizing my life around my practice, for my life became my intrinsic quest for balance. Well, lo and behold, a half of a year in, I realized that I don't want to be an advanced yogi. My main desire in life is to be an advanced Josie. I want to know and love myself so well, that there will be no doubt in my mind that I am a perfect manifestation of the divine.
In order for me to fully embrace this idea, I had to analyze and be confronted with my many passions in life, what makes me me. As soon as I began this exploration of the many facets of my personality, I came across internal judgements and resistance to whatever did not seem balanced or yogic. I have always known that I am a writer, from a very young age, I could see in my mind's eye books published, recognition for my handiworks acheived. But, the fear of describing what I truly desire to share, my foray and exploration over many years into my various bits of passionate personality, play and work I felt needed to be censored. I am a yoga teacher, I have to bring it back to that place inbetween, the acknowledgement of the balancings of the extremes, the continuous practice of making the extremes less extreme, the continuous quest for the middle.
Then I remind myself of who inspires me. Friends, teachers and family that have struggled, have dove into life with gusto, and made major mistakes but are still living, still laughing and ready to talk about it. I love to observe the unfolding process of my own inner truths, aiming to accept them, but being okay if it's met with some resistance. I am passion. I live life fully. I would have it no other way. My nature craves social interaction, connection with other divine souls, intense conversations, fierce eyes, loud and raucous laughter. I cannot tread softly. It is not in my nature.
I remember when I was a child and belting tunes out at the top of my lungs, with no care that I couldn't carry a tune. I do see the good within everyone, and love them for their hang-ups, issues and baggage. For their social malfunctions as well as their successes. So, yes, I am a yoga teacher, I love what I do. But I will never practice for half a day, every day, working towards incredibly advanced postures on my mat. Instead, I will continue to utilize my practice in advancing me, my life and my comfort with my shortcomings as well as my improvements. I will throw off my shoes to practice in the grass, enjoy an impromptu practice session on my friends patio with a break for Campari and soda, or enjoy a class with a bunch of my community of students and teachers alike. My yoga practice continues to highlight what I am most passionate about, my life and the people within it. And I am most greatful to hear from the esteemed yogis and scholars that it ain't a problem, but it can be the solution if I choose.
I am inspired, I am ready, I have faith. There is ebbs and there is flows, but I can become a constant. Sometimes a constant force to be reckoned with, and sometimes a consistently compassionate individual. And I'm okay with that, actually not just okay, jubilantly happy. Are you?

Melting in the City

2010-07-07T19:19:00.002-04:00

Hot, humid and hazy summer daze
I awake as the sun sets
I doze as the sun beats and welts my liquid body
continuous stick
I'm melting in the City

Easy, Breezy, Beautiful

2010-06-19T20:29:00.004-04:00

Wow, summertime flies! This month is whirling by with me teaching more classes and frundraisers, and attempting to practice my learnings from last month, embrace life! Well, embracing life, the people within it and the impromptu circumstances that arise do make the weeks joyfully flow by in the most effervescent way. But it hasn't been all ice cream and sunshine. As the rain and humidity have blanketed our weeks, my mind continues to return to my work with foundation and willpower. I have had to remind myself constantly as the summer heat blasts my fire into overdrive, to open to grace, my breath, my spirit and embrace the cool earth beneath my feet. It's hard keeping stable! I know you may laugh at that, but really, I kid you not, it's taken me almost thirty years to feel like I have established a solid foundation, and it's not like that foundation has turned to concrete! There's still times I feel myself slipping down the creative slope, ready to catch the next wave and see where it takes me. It's super rewarding, but stillness sometimes sucks! Yup, it can be super challenging to look at the simple basic truth, put yer feet on the ground, girl! Once I feel the earth, the connection so solid, I tend to go into overdrive... I want to build great towers from that small piece of earth. But as most of my friends know, I ain't no architect, and my tower could fall. I am learning instead how to farm the soil, to cultivate growth, to wait for seeds to grow. As I aim to sit patiently, I attempt to remember to breathe, to fill my lungs with hope, trust and faith that all will happen, the results assured - what you plant will grow. As the fiery sun beats it's grand head down on me, I yearn to go back to places of comfort: achievement, success, goals and internal contemplation. But this external world, with such delights and sorrows, that spirals up and down and back up again, I wouldn't trade this newfound connection for anything! But if I seem to be clenching my teeth when I smile, please compassionately understand that for a pitta-scorpio-metal-monkey-water sign (do you like that one??) my quiet, determined, clearcut refined and ultimate world is expanding every minute. So much so, that I do not know how to define it anymore. So... I guess I'll just live? and love? and learn?

[trans-fer-mey-shun]

2010-05-31T15:42:00.008-04:00

Today marks the final day of the month long transformation at Kula Annex, "Living the Bhagavad Gita". As I shared at the closing circle last evening, I was introduced to this book way back in the day. I remember my first skimming of this text, ensuring that I got the "gist" of it, but the idea of God still came with lots of baggage. It wasn't until I had the opportunity to meet one of my teachers, Noah Maze, last year in Austin, Texas during an advanced teacher training led by him and Christina Sell that I truly found the desire to study this great text in more depth. Noah and I were chatting about certain teaching techniques, and he asked me about the Gita. I looked into the eyes of this great teacher, hating the fact that I could not answer the question, I simply stared blankly, uncomfortable with this unknown.
I proceeded the past fall/winter season to open up four different translations of the BG, with commentary from Douglas Brooks and Ram Dass to name a few, and was able to finally grasp the message of this stellar book. God became more of a concept of our own consciousness, the light within. Then May began with a challenge to live it, to work with the teachings within your physical practice, within your meditations, and within your actions off the mat. I remember looking confidently towards this month, knowing that it would be a joy to weave the BG into my classes, to take part in this exciting journey. I knew this text, I was comfortable with it, this would be a breeze! As the past month began to unravel it's incredible tale, I was surprised to see that the BG worked it's merry way outside of the classroom, into the halls of the studio, with deep, heartfelt questions posed by students and teachers alike. As the conversation expanded, I began to notice topics such as dharma (our purpose), and karma (action) pop up throughout my life outside of the studio. Within my interactions with my roommate, my friends, my family, it seemed like my world was pulsating with the desire to comprehend, to understand why do we do what we do, and should we attach ourselves to our successes or failures? How do we know what our purpose is, and how can we differentiate between our dharma and when we act upon the dharma of another?
This month, through it's ups and downs, surprises and celebrations, became a vast, flowing conversation between me and the outside world. From poker nights, to brief encounters in line for my coffee, to outdoor patio sun, I acknowledged and accepted this transformation for what is was to me. A deeper connection to the world around me, and the people within it.
I like to say it's due to a strong tapas (zeal, striving) on my part, but I do have the hints of an ascetic within me. I can easily dive into the discipline of yoga study, nose in a book, my eyes closed on my mat. The world within is a vast, incredibly beautiful and light-filled space, and I can set up camp within for a while. When Ram Dass says, "my life is my practice", I can easily nod, and reply "my practice is my life".
This last day of May, I contemplate where I am, and know that I have a choice. I can work the path of the guru, expanding my scriptural knowledge, teaching then returning to my self-made cave of comfort, meditating, practicing this incredible gift of tools that is yoga. For what? Well, enlightenment, I guess? But as Manorama so potently quoted, "Q: Guruji how does one know one is enlightened? Guruji: Its very easy. When one feels one is a first class fool one is enlightened. When one feels one is first class enlightened that is otherwise." We are beings of light, so I can choose to contemplate and expand my light, most definitely, but I can also choose to participate. To see the light within each other, to truly dive into the depths of life as much as I swim within. So, as strong as I have become, as connected to my inner power as I am, I choose to embrace with as much zeal the discipline of life! The study of connections around me, relationships with others.
So I thank you my kula (community/chosen family), for my students becoming my teachers, for supporting me during this transformation, this river of love, interconnectedness and bliss. Peace, joy, love.

Fire Sticks, Fire Starters

2010-05-25T14:00:00.005-04:00

An unknown waterfall burst forth from a broken pipe in the back garden of my home, and the first thing that came to my mind was, what a prankster you are, my world! Me currently working on the water element, stepping into the flow of the sacral chakra, and you give me this little hint. A pretty obvious smack saying, you in the flow baby! Stop swimming, and let's move it on up! I recently taught a class on the manipura, the solar plexus/fire chakra, which is all about our will, power and self esteem. This is where the combination of solid, unifying energy from the root chakra gets together with the moving, connective energy of the sacral chakra, and as we know sticks rubbed together make fire. An imbalanced solar plexus usually relates to stomach troubles, and leading up to this class, I had indigestion throughout the week, and even a couple of hours prior to the class. I knew this was an important one for me as well as for the students. This is where it gets icky, uncertain. How much power can I have? When does the initiation of my own will become too much? When do I lose my right to choose?
I am naturally fiery, strong and sometimes a little bull-headed. After the awakening and opening of my heart last year, I came back a soft mess. A puddle of my original pitta. In order to balance myself once again (does it really ever end??), I decided to start from the bottom, work through my issues and achievements one at a time. It seemed like the most rational, level-headed thing to do. Yes, it has worked wonderfully thus far, really opening me to imbalances within and around that I needed to address in order for me to feel stable, secure and connected creatively. I was so fearful in stepping back into my authority boots, debating if I could still continue along this path of transformation and growth while honouring what's a natural part of me. Ummm, hello??? Do you hear me? I only teach about this all the time! I only remind students and myself to honour your true nature, with all it's faults, imperfections and grandeurs! And there I stood, a timid shell of myself, uncertain whether to light my fire? Well, guess what? I CHOOSE.
I choose to honour my power, my will, which has manifested and brought me so much within my life. I choose to allow my fire to empower me once again. I also choose to use my power with compassion, honouring the highest purpose. Recognizing that I and you alike have this power, this light within us. Even in our differences, we have this incredible similarity. We all have this right to choose what is best for us. And when things go awry, I know that I have chosen this, to feel disempowered. But in this knowing, I can once again acknowledge my power of will and rekindle my fire. I am taking back my authority.
May the sun shine on this glorious summer, my pitta season for my pitta reunion. Hello my light, long time no see!

Goddesses, bathrooms and triggers galore

2010-05-15T21:46:00.004-04:00

I came across this beautiful photograph in the National Geographic, and it embodied my thoughts at this moment, so full of water, the element related to the second chakra, this elephant is completely immersed into the beauty of this divine offering to us. Stepping into the flow of creativity and relationships can be mildly intoxicating to say the least, the full effulgent connection washing over you like luxurious summer rain. For weeks I danced along the current, meandering through spontaneous jubilant occasions, assessing my gourmand ways, eating lots of delicious food and wine, feeling the excessive fullness of stepping into this creatively bursting centre. The peak came with last weekend's dive into the philosophy of Shaiva Tantra with Christopher Wallis (Hareesh) and my kula, a weekend of bliss with breakfasts of strong Americano and gourmet croissants stuffed with raspberries, figs, and chocolate, and days packed with mantra, meditation and discussion to clarify our understanding of this spectacular method. This philosophy, as it name depicts in sanskrit, has woven it's way through many cultures and religions, with many of the same ideas of consciousness threading through the world. I plugged myself in, lit up with fervor and kinship, ending the weekend with introducing my parents and sisters to what I've been learning in a Sunday evening chat on the Gita. Last Sunday I was full, tasting the glorious abundance of Lakshmi, the goddess of beauty, wealth and prosperity. But as water so greatly shows us, within any natural body of water there is ebbs and flows. So after such an exhilarating flow, I met Kali head on Monday morning.
Kali, the goddess of chaos, destruction and creation, reared her powerful head in the form of a tumultuous bathroom renovation. I woke up to the sound of electric drills and loud voices, and the realization that I must become Gypsy Josie Lee for the upcoming week. Well, without the security of a stable home and the simplicity of cleanliness that we all take for granted in that glorious room of tile and water, I hopped around to various friends places, a pack of clothes on my back, a smile on my face, trying to face my samskaras of uncertainty in chaos and disorder with newfound awareness. I continuosly reminded myself, and taught about it this week in my classes, that Shri (divine beauty) is ever present, even within chaotic turns of events. I worked within my yoga practice on lots of grounding meditations, deep hip and supported work, trying to honour this time as much as I jumped into the flow of the past couple of weeks, but it lagged on my energy, requiring me to take time to myself, sleep more, turn off my phone. This time of transition made me desire alone time, or the fullness of being of service, nothing in between. I delighted on small acts of kindness that I peppered my days with, then went and paid ode to the hermit within at night.
I look at what has transpired, and I feel with only a handful of minor breakdowns, I have survived my week of Kali, and am aware that within my journey into the petals of creativity, I have yet to fully unite with Saraswati, the goddess of knowledge, music and the arts, knowing that once I feel the creative upsurge of her energy, I can say I not only survived this swim into the deep waters of my sweet centre (svadisthana chakra), but have kissed it and danced with it, just as this lovely Ganesh in the picture above. I believe that I am capable of honouring the internal obstacles, struggles and triggers, and as I continue to bask in the fullness of my friends and family that surround me, I implore you to honour the many facets of Josie, even the ones that look more Medusa-like than sweet ol' me.

Back to the Writing Board

2010-05-05T14:49:00.003-04:00

After the incredible journey into my heart last year, I connected fully into where I am meant to root, my beloved city of Toronto. It did take me as long to get resettled in Toronto as I was living in Vancouver, but that's okay. Stability and security are tough. It's taken me 29 years to feel like I am fully connected to my root chakra, like I have set my foundation for years to come. I am grateful to have a sacred space in my present home to allow my roots to grow. I am blessed to have found work with two incredible yoga studios, where I can teach and learn from my students and my fellow teachers. I am happy for having the opportunity to accomodate private sessions with students which always push me forward in my capabilities to serve. I have a continuously expanding and everloving group of family and friends that I can lovingly call my kula.
I have decided this year I will continue along the path which has been energetically mapped out long ago, dedicating myself to following the brilliant chakra system to define my path to the divine, to spirit. As I have learned within my Anusara journey thus far, there is an incredible order to the universe, and once I choose to align, and then continue to practice it within my life, manifestation and liberation ensue.
I definitely felt the shift a couple of weeks ago, after finally having my career and my home stabilized, this incredible surge of flowing energy. I entered the Svadisthana, the sacral chakra! Creative inspiration swept through me, ideas for projects large and small jotted down in my notebooks, on my iPhone. I felt incredibly feminine, almost wild in my womanhood. Spontaneity became a regular occurrence, people's energy flowing into my life right when required, even if I was uncertain of the reason why. I have begun to trust this flow, this crazy, rushing, connecting energy, allowing it to become a part of me. Life breathes fun, love and laughter! I'm trying to work on creating space in my schedule, open, jubilant space in order to allow more to come to me.
My sacral chakra experience thus far has felt so full. Long days of early morning practice, teaching, lunches and dinners with friends, balancing time to myself with time for others. I look in the mirror more, and I love my style, which emits who I am, noone else am I trying to be, but me! I just celebrated this creative resurgence with the most kali-kick-assana yoga photo shoot, a collaboration with the most gifted photographer, Henrieta Haniskova, photos to follow shortly! I had the pleasure of busting a move on the yoga mat within different urban settings with the out-of-this-world inspirational, no hold-barred beauty that is Christi-an Slomka. I was able to not only experience grace within my practice, but see grace unveil it's full beauty infront if me in hers. I saw such strength and fragility all in the same breath, and I knew what was next in my practice. Something to coax my journey towards the manipura, or solar plexus chakra, inversions and core strength galore! An inversion a day will keep the ego at bay, but will also help foster it to grow, so I can be the most healthy ME!
So, as I continue to monkey around within my sacral experience, I know that I am gathering all parts of valuable, wild me together, discovering all the ingredients for one fantastical Josie. And once I've written the recipe, I look forward to embracing the sun, the fire, pelvic loop, outer spiral, the building blocks to ascent into the manipura!

*Note: If you are interested in discovering your own journey through the chakras, I reccommend the book, Wheels of Life, by Anodea Judith as a reference guide. Also, please join me on Thursday evenings for an asana class that includes the sounds of quartz crystal singing bowls and bija mantra with Darren Hall. This week is an ode to the muladhara, root chakra!

May we continue to recognize our greatness while retaining our humility to grow!

Learn to learn

2010-04-06T13:51:00.003-04:00

I'm learning how to live. How to not just focus on what's to come, where's my next goal. I'm studying the art of allowing, the soft flowing movement between goals, the fullness in the present moment. I'm learning to be okay with myself right now, with what I have accomplished and the many friends, family, students and teachers I have to be greatful for. I am learning to deepen my breath but to be okay when it desires to quicken. I am learning to take it slow, even with my great goals and wants looming infront of me, to accept the time between. I am learning to soften my will, with the understanding that there is a Divine will leading my way.
It becomes a constant reminder, on a daily basis, not to bite off more than I can chew. I am in a place that I can continue to push forward or I can just step into the natural current. I'm still excited of what's to come, but am encouraged to embrace what's here, right now. I sit, I breathe, I am here.

Thrive

2010-03-22T13:50:00.004-04:00

I recently started a group on Facebook for individuals interested in coming back to a whole, non-processed food diet, and there has been some questions on what is the Thrive Diet? Well, first of all, if you haven't read The Thrive Diet by Brendan Brazier, I'd reccommend it. He simply writes of his incredible research into a plant-based whole food eating plan, documenting the efficacy of nutrient-rich food in increasing your energy, mental clarity, productivity, sleep quality, the list goes on. Ontop of including extensive shopping lists, nutritional information for various vegetables, fruits, grains and seeds, Brendan even includes a 12-week meal plan chock full with easy recipes for those uncertain on what to make. As any large lifestyle changes, I couldn't do it alone, and had to pull together a group of supportive friends who are currently thriving, or are curious about doing it in the future. If you are interested to join, please visit Time to Thrive, where we share new recipes, shopping tips, and other topics.
I am not trying to preach, but lead by example. I have continuously fluctuated in the nutritional zone, comfort eating binges, fast food to the uber-healthy cleanse, and I thought my favourite foods (as any traveler loves) were fresh bread, good cheese, and a darling wine. I'm not saying I will never allow myself these foods again (never is a massive word), but I am excited in feeling my already increased energy levels in the couple of days I have adopted this food plan. I aim to continue it for three months, then learn how to balance my nutritional intake to truly honour my mind, body and spirit. Are you in?

108

2010-03-08T12:00:00.004-05:00

What an auspicious day. This is my 108th post on my blog! In India the number 108 holds alot of weight. There are 54 letters in the Sanskrit alphabet, and each has a masculine and feminine (shiva and shakti), thus 108. It is also the product of a precise mathematical equation (i.e. 1 power 1 x 2 power 2 x 3 power 3 = 108, there are said to be 108 energy lines that converge to create the heart chakra, the list continues. All in all, there is an incredible amount of energy surrounding this number!

So, thus I have decided to write today, since I sense there is an incredible amount of energy around me at this moment. I feel action is required, it is my time to begin. I move today back to Downtown Toronto, and it truly feels like I am stepping back into this city. About time? Well, I needed some months to adjust, to consider my options, and to truly, as much as a visionary I may be, to allow myself to see the big picture. Sometimes I can get so caught up in the smaller responsibilities, or what I desire, it can be a challenge for me to see how things must fall in order for them to actually be achieved. Yes, yes, I am aware the universe takes care of the "how", but I must take care of all the rest, right? Well, I opened myself to the mystery of 2010, this special year of great leaps of growth and transformation, and it took a while, but it is slowly becoming more clear. I am back to the books, back to training and study mode. I love being a student, and to study the philosophy and the practice of Anusara Yoga has been such a gift to me. I look forward to furthering my studies this year, deepening my understanding and ability to convey this incredible method to my students.

I have some other goals that have surfaced in the larger picture, but it feels great to have this smaller goal ahead of me at this moment in time. My apex being the possibility of Certification, and with that a certain sense of completion to usher in the creative energy for future retreats and community events.

Speaking of community events, I wish to complete this posting with a little shameless self-promotion. Once again, I have received the blessing of holding a candle-lit practice for Earth Hour this month at Kula. I hope to see you there!

ARE YOU AFRAID OF THE DARK?

Kula celebrates Earth Hour, a global environmental movement on climate change. On March 27th, hundreds of millions of people will mark Earth Hour by turning off their lights for 60 minutes. And Kula will be right there with them. As we dim the studio lights, we highlight the importance of the changes occurring within our surroundings.

Join Josie for a special candle-lit yoga practice, in which we will work through our fears and shine a bright message of light outwards through our bodies, minds and spirits. Students will be guided through a 2-hour practice, which will included yoga breathwork (pranayama), postures (asana) and meditation (dhyana).

Saturday, March 27. 7:30-9:30pm.
All levels welcome. Tickets $10.

Reserve a spot in person or by phone (416) 922-5852. Sign up early to guarantee a spot, maximum 50 participants.

Sacred Space

2010-02-15T13:36:00.006-05:00

This past weekend there has been some incredible energetic events, first and foremost in my mind are the Olympic opening ceremonies, the Mahashivaratri, and the Chinese New Year. This year, is the year of the Tiger, the Tiger being an incredibly symbolic animal within my life, I felt I needed to write about it. I know not everyone believes in Animal Spirit Guides, but hey, the name of my blog has "Spirit" in it, so I'm allowing myself to take you there. Last year, in a Reiki session I was administering to my sister, she spoke of a large cat/panther that she visualized during the treatment. A couple of weeks ago, in a yoga class, the last pose being "legs up the wall", I went around to each student and placed a weighty blanket on their feet. One of my students spoke afterwards of envisioning a tiger enter her meditation as soon as my hands touched her feet. Later on that day, in a tarot card reading with my aunt, she again envisioned a tiger appear during my reading. I had to look into this! So, I took a look at Steven Farmer's book, Animal Spirit Guides, an incredible resource in identifying and understanding animal spirit helpers.

The book explained to me many attributes of me, as well as the message this tiger was trying to give me, and one area in particular I feel like I must share. The tiger guided me to create a sacred space. In the past couple of weeks this idea has arisen numerous times. What constitutes a sacred space? So, of course, I first checked out the dictionary definition, which either connects this space to a religion, regarded with reverence, secured against violation, or properly immune from violence or interference. Huh. In a yoga studio, a sacred space is created by sometimes blessing the practice space, creating a puja, or altar, adding a specific scent, colour or image.

I remember my Mom telling me a story of when she went on a meditation training in Switzerland with Maharishi. She was so excited to go to meditate all day for weeks in a sacred space dedicated to this practice. When my Mom arrived, she found out that the room they were going to spend hours meditating in was adjacent to a church, in line with the room which housed the bells to tell the hour of the day. Her first day meditating in this room with students from all over the world was torturous. How could she get into a deep meditation, with the constant booming of bells that shook the whole room each hour? But her dedication to her practice did not waver. Within a couple more days, her meditation had reached depths she had never encountered before. She didn't even hear the bells anymore. The space became sacred because of her practice within it, not because of the ideal setting.

So this makes me think, if I am looking to create a sacred space, does that simply imply that I must practice within it? I must make it holy by my energy and reverence alone? Or, do I need to bring out the sage, practice silence when I enter, burn some incense, perform a couple of ceremonies, etc. I guess either could be the right answer. Does it depend on my philosophy behind my type of practice? If I was a renunciate, then preferably my sacred space would be away from the everyday reminders, quiet and solitudinal. Because I practice more of a householder philosophy, then wouldn't my sacred space be in the midst of everything, even all the trials and stresses of everyday life?

When I looked to create a home practice space in the house that I am currently residing in, I looked to create a space that actually was behind a barrier, keeping it truly seperate from the rest of the house. But, maybe my challenge in creating this sacred space is to practice in the kitchen, or the front hallway, an area where it is part of so many other activities within my life, but because of my practice, can become sacred, even energetically holy.

In this year all about transparency, living with authenticity, answers do not come as easily to me. I contemplate what is most complimentary to my intuitive feelings and not to my fear-based judgements. Because of practicing within studios for ten years of my life, and seeing the esthetic of what the owners have chosen as sacred, I need to now tap into my views to create a sacred space that is sacred to no other, but me. My Tiger guide continued to state that I should get ready for a new adventure, one that may present some challenges, but will introduce some dramatic changes in my life. If those changes are my perceptions and judgements, I graciously bow to the wisdom and challenges that lie infront of me.

Emergence has Begun

2010-02-01T12:12:00.006-05:00

After burying myself under a rock (or a warm comforter) for the past month and a half, I feel ready to emerge. I'm baaaack!! After feeling mega-overworked last year in Toronto, I realized I simply needed a break. A respite to re-ignite my passion for the practice. Well, I've definitely found it in Kula. I feel so blessed to be back and teaching here, old students from last year, having blended in with a new bunch of hungry yogis, thirsting for understanding and transformation. Pretty cool, huh? Oh, and did I say that I'm ABSOLUTELY LOVING teaching?? That it feels so good, I've found a groove that I'm enjoying, I've solidified my seat as a teacher, and walking into the classroom is pure delight, absolute joy!

After being so transient and playful last year, I have come into this New Year focusing first on my muladhara or root chakra, and working my way up. I usually set out some type of vision board, and this year, have connected my visions to my chakras, to give me a sequential way of working towards my larger goals. So, for now, I am focusing on my root, finding a great apartment, establishing a solid teaching schedule, creating abundance so in essence I can graduate to the creative visions of my svadisthana or sacral chakra. Solid and deliberate steps is where I'm at.

Having opened to something incredible and indescribable during my Vancouver trip, I came back to my hometown equipped with the understanding that something has changed but somewhat uncertain of what that was. After a much needed rest and recuperation period, I come into February with more certainty, but faith that succumbing to the mystery will be okay. I will work my way through specific manifestations relating to building myself energetically from the ground up. I will see what comes of it, where the universe may lead.
It's great to be back!

Anusara in Toronto

2010-01-05T14:20:00.003-05:00

2010 brings in an exciting year of growth and news within the Anusara yoga community of Toronto. Anusara-inspired^TM Yoga teachers can be now found throughout Toronto, Oakville, Burlington, Dundas, Newmarket, Collingwood and Waterloo, Ontario. During my time in Vancouver, having been embraced so warmly by their tight-knit community, I established a free site listing all their events and news. I aim to do a similair feat with the Greater Toronto Anusara kula, putting together an online bulletin board of upcoming events, studios that offer Anusara classes, and the gifted teachers that we are blessed to learn from. So, on this delightful snow day, I have created the Greater Toronto Anusara Kula. If you would like to post Anusara events, where you teach, your website and/or bio of Anusara offerings, please contact me at toranusara[at]yahoo.ca.
I look forward to making this expansive kula as connected, and then by doing so, begin to establish a larger network with the overall Canadian kula. Woot! Woot!
Please check out the pages, and if you do not see a listing that should be there, please contact me at the email above. Many thanks, peace and blessings!

Happy New Year!

2010-01-02T19:01:00.003-05:00

Instead of making New Year's Resolutions this year, I have vowed to from now on come into the New Year with intention. Intentions stemming from a place of love, instead of resolving something that I feel I may not have accomplished within the past year. What is your intention?
I aim to be certain of my uncertainty,
to understand that following my heart I must embrace the unknown,
I aim to trust in my inner wisdom, and to have faith in the universal support
as I continue along my path.
I intend to keep true to myself, to live more transparently, in continuous contact with my authentic self.
From my growth in balancing my strength with playfulness, in moving from a place grounded in love rather than fear, 2010 brings a deepening of my faith.
Om Namah Shivaya Gurave!

Writing Break

2009-12-10T13:53:00.004-05:00

So I have arrived. My West Coast journey has ended, me arriving back in Toronto to the first snow storm of the season. As I go out into the soft flurries and breathe in the icy cold air, I know I am home. Yes, I am still allowed to complain about the weather (as all Canadians will do), but it feels right. It all feels so right. I had to leave to come back. I had to question and feel confused to get to this calm point.
This blog has chronicled my journey into my heart, and I'm not saying I'm finished, but I feel it's time to take a break with the regular blog entries. I may post the occasional one, but I am interested in using the kind support and motivation of all you awesome readers to help me go towards one of my larger goals, to tucker into starting to write a larger piece of work.
So as everything is in retrograde, and I'm on a more relaxed work schedule, I'll be hibernating indoors by the computer, and looking at blank page after blank page as I challenge myself to write.
So until next time...

Make Music

2009-12-01T14:58:00.004-05:00

I woke up today with a song in my head. It was early, and it was my day off. I should have slept in, but I got up and turned on the song to play not once, but twice. It was the song from Shantala called Hineni. It's a sacred Hebrew chant that translates to "Here I am", or "Here I Stand". Yes, I feel December is fresh, it's time to make music! I refreshed myself last night all on the Heart Chakra from Anodea Judith's book, Wheels of Life, and am contemplating a new tattoo... Life feels sweet since my November self-affirmation, things flow, some root, some fly. Ahh, la dolce vita.
I return to Toronto in a week, and I once again feel the vigour of a tourist to take long awaited pictures of what makes me quiver about Vancouver. I think I'll go for a long walk, camera in hand, Ipod tunes in my ears, and try to capture the essence of my experience here. First things first, Americano Misto from Cafe Artigiano. I will definitely have to bring some of their coffee back, it's exquisite. I think I'll take my first picture of it! Then, the view of the mountains and North Van that I get blasted with when I step outside my building. The seawall. Oh yes, and the wonderfully painted eagles that decorate the city. The cobblestone streets of Gastown. Okay, okay, enough writing and relaxing with music still playing in my ears, it's time to see the harmony outside...

Home is where the Heart is

2009-11-23T15:47:00.005-05:00

So the revelation has come. You know that one I hinted to, that I felt was just waiting for me at the next turn? Well, it arrived after a week of feeling unsettled, uncertain, emotionally wraught. I started to think, is the weather bringing me down? Am I unhappy? What's going on?! So I thought about it, talked to people both here and in Toronto, meditated on it, weighed my options, and I had my breakthrough. You see, I must explain something. For years I searched for love outside of myself, surrounding myself with external beauty in friends, lovers, surroundings and workplaces. I worked in film, where I captured the most beautiful image I could find. I then went to the beauty industry where the focus was on external beauty. I got a glimpse of understanding when I went to Tucson last year, and saw the internal beauty of the practitioners shine through their yoga practice. Ahh, I got a taste.
When people asked why I moved to Vancouver, unknowingly to me in finding the connection just yet, I commented because it's pretty. I wanted to be close to ocean and mountains, to be around more natural beauty. In my mind's eye, by that point, I obviously did not feel Toronto was as full for me. Well, um, yeah, because I was working seven days a week. I had no time to meditate, to cultivate my intuition on a regular basis, to regularly even practice, so how could I see what was right infront of me? So, my guides sent me out to a place of beauty, to work with an incredible group of talented teachers and students, a yoga mecca, an idyllic situation. It also was idyllic, for it worked out oddly enough, that all my classes were chunked together, and I for the first time in years had the opportunity to experience real time off. With no close friends or family around, I had solitude. I had time to decipher my internal struggles.
When I decided to move here, I started to see the beauty of the kula I created, this incredible circle of family and friends in Toronto. But I knew I had to come out here to Vancouver, something was pushing me here. I had to come out to get away from my overly zealous work habits, take time to cleanse and rejuvenate, to go into survival mode, and come across nothing but me. And if you've been following my journey here, it's been so clarifying, full of wondrous moments and magical experiencs. The students I have met, the kula I have already started to build here, are nectar to my soul, I have learned so much from these laid-back, yet still lovingly committed yogis.
Within my studies, practice and teaching of yoga, I've been feeling like I've been searching, searching for an answer that was still past my grasp. So, I would book myself into yet another training, or take on some more classes, knowing that maybe the next experience would be the one. Yes, my life became my yoga. Then I realized this week that the answer that I was searching for is that there is no answer. I already had the answer, within me. The beauty that I was looking for, the love that I was looking for, all these years, outside of myself, it finally dawned on me. It's truly inside of me. The love that I felt all around me wherever I go, is a reflection of the love within. I felt this, and it was real!
I remember talking to a friend during my immersions in Tucson about how both of us were so transient, that we always travelled, it was hard for us to root down and settle. We contemplated on what would help us settle in a city, and at that time, we both came to the conclusion it would have to be someone we loved. If we found a person to love, and they lived in Hawaii, then we'd root there. Now, I realize that the ability to settle comes when you have discovered self-love. Something I knew for years that I was oddly lacking, but unsure why. My inner self led to me always searching for this love, be it outside of me, even during my years of fear. Well, I feel it, for the first time in I don't know how long, my heart has stopped being broken open, and it feels like I have opened internally to my capacity to love.
With this new awareness, I see that yes, I can build a community, a kula, wherever I go. But where my home is, is where my heart is. And my heart, my loving family, friends and kula are currently in Toronto. For the first time in a long time, I feel excited to call Toronto my home. Sure, it's hectic and busy and not totally pretty, but it's where my heart aches to be.
So yes my friends from all kulas in Toronto, Vancouver, Tucson, etc. who may be reading this. I have fallen in love with myself and am now ready to place some roots in my home, to settle in Toronto for the first time. It is of course a bittersweet decision, for everyone out here, family, friends and yoga community have been so warm, so supportive and welcoming. But as I continue to realize, kula is all about expansion, and my kula is simply continuing to grow. I now have a place to visit for delightful play and West Coast vibes.
I also realize that teaching less than more is beneficial for me, for I enjoy being within this clarity, and I plan to teach less when I return to Toronto, not more. I aim to balance my teaching and practice of yoga with my desire to aide people theraputically, and am planning to enroll in massage therapy school in the late spring. I feel by balancing these two professions, I will have the opportunity to keep fresh this incredible feeling that I have come across within these past two months. Helping people without burning myself out, or extending myself too thin.
So yes, this is a huge revelation for me, and I thank my Vancouver kula for enabling me to come to it. I feel so grounded in my voice as a teacher, and am passionate of what's to come in my role as a student.
When you may ask? I'll be flying back home in the second week of December. My home of my heart. I look forward to embracing my loving reflections within my family and friends sooner than soon! Joyous tears flow, and my heart pounds in anticipation. I have two more weeks to celebrate with my Vancouver familiars, let us embrace, rejoice and connect in the small time we have together! Om Namah Shivaya Gurave!

Falling off the Yoga Train

2009-11-20T00:36:00.006-05:00

Okay, so I admit it, I fell off the wagon this week, so to speak. I played hooky from group classes, I took a vacation from the kula. Yup, I admit it, even I, the praiser of community, support networks and yoga TOOK A BREAK. I said NO to the group experience, and was a glutton in my own self, I spent time indoors, burnt nice smelling incense, read the Hatha Yoga Pradipika. Yes, I read about the diligent cleansing techniques of yogis who attained superpowers, the sweet diet and restraints, as I suspended my 30-day challenge for some ME time. Yes, third week of the challenge, my SELF came back full-force, and wanted to nurture itself, wanted to be alone, desired to enjoy the company of ME. Funnily enough, the theme for the third week is support.
I had a great chat with some friends on Tuesday night about all things yogic and inbetween, and I wonder, can sometimes it be yogic to be deliciously unkulic (that's a made up word). Can I choose sometimes to be unsupportive along this path? Can I work on fostering my selfishness as much as I work on my selflessness? Yoga practice is a lifelong endeavour, and yes, my practice and my consistency ebb and flow with my personal journey. I've been feeling a tad introspective after my birthday last week, and I truly just needed time and solitude to figure some things out. I still felt I was practicing yoga, just in a different way. Honouring my desires, paying attention to my mind, body and spirit, and concluding what would best serve my growth on this part of my escapade.
So yes, my gold stars will be lacking on the community board at the studio, but do I really care? Is that snide to say? As I aim to motivate and focus my students, is it motivational to say proudly "I TOOK A BREAK!"?
I think it is. When my teachers became human in my eyes, that's when I truly learned from them. When I found out that they may kill bugs, drink beer, eat junk food and all other unyogic acts that you can fill in here, it made me feel better about myself. For we're perfect with all our present imperfections right? And I'm striving for understanding that perfection in greater depth, not in changing myself. So yes, I start to reveal myself, and it feels good. And I guess I'm supporting my fellow challengers in saying, that maybe part of the journey in 30-days, is the challenge to go against the grain, and listen to what's best for you and only you. For me, it was the challenge to stop.

Day 17 of 30 - Hamscreams

2009-11-17T20:33:00.003-05:00

Well, post-birthday week is here, and I feel good. Well, mostly good. My hamstring insertion point is giving me a wee bit of grief (lots of yoga, walking and cold, damp weather not the best mix), so my yoga today consisted of epsom salt bath and viparita karani (legs up the wall pose). During 30 days of yoga, I find the largest challenge to try to make it to a public class all the time. I miss the introspective quality of home practice, and I am trying to balance out all the awesome group practices I've been doing with the occasional gift of a home practice. My home practice today didn't consist of much, for after a morning and mid-afternoon full of errands, my tender hammy wanted some TLC, instead of strenuous activity. Thank goodness I have a massage scheduled for tomorrow!
Then yes, after yelping under the adept fingers of a professional, I'll be good to go, for I'm planning to attend some of Todd's class(es) at Yaletown tomorrow. Ready for some sweat and some sweet deep work with the master. Speaking of masters, I met another yesterday, Siri Karta at Inner Space Yoga. The depth of his knowledge and love for the practice was evident, and I thoroughly enjoyed my first time as a student at the lovely studio. I will definitely try to practice at Inner Space more often. That's another challenge! With so many incredible teachers that I have been meeting, and with the opportunity to practice in a variety of beautiful studios, it's tough to choose! Thank goodness I'm not here on vacation, for there's too much goodness at my fingertips.
Yes, it's finally starting to settle in that I'm here to stay. It's my home. Sure, I'm still uncertain of how to get around the rest of Vancouver outside of the downtown area, but that will come in time. I want to build my kula, settle in my lovely apartment, and continue to explore all that this delightful mecca has to offer. As I continue to explore what is around me, what is within me is becoming clearer and brighter every day. I feel more in contact with my self, my true nature, embracing my imperfections with my great traits as well. I know my tendencies that I have to look out for, and I am comfortable with my desires. Ha ha! I write this prior to me going out with some friends for some nibbles and dribbles, let's see how it goes...

Birthday Break

2009-11-16T00:42:00.005-05:00

So I took me a birthday break. It was my gift to myself, after busy days of teaching, enjoying good food and wine with loved ones. Ahhh, the simple pleasures. So, I have a couple of days to catch up on for my challenge, but I'm okay with it. Today was the first Vancouver day that was DARK and RAINY all day long! Wow! I taught about bringing contentment and comfort into your body and mind through the practice, and I have to say, the familiar faces that I see in my classes have really started to uplift my spirits. I feel more part of a kula, and the support and warmth of a community is needed during dark and wet days like today. I learned that you must always be prepared, and today, being unprepared for the downpour, I got drenched. Sopping and soggy, my students today kept me dry within. Ahhh, I love teaching! It keeps me all warm and cheesy!
I sub-teach tomorrow at Flow, 9:30am Intermediate/Advanced if you want to come out and play. I guess I'll be doubling up on some classes this week to make up for my relaxing weekend, but unsure of who to choose. There are so many beautiful teachers here, I really have been enjoying this challenge, simply to meet and appreciate a whole bunch of different styles and teachers once again. Reimmerse myself into the beauty of yoga, no matter how it's done. But, I do love me some clarity, and I really am seeing that I love to motivate beginners, newer students that come in with uncertainties on the mat. I am aiming to let go of the reigns, and to truly let the spirit of this practice shine through me. Compassion is my intention for this upcoming year.
Yes, I don't know if you remember, but last year, Darren and Christina in Immersion 2 had us write down intentions for the year, in the simplest form. Mine for this past year was lila and prema, play and love. I believe I have found mine for this upcoming one. Compassion is defined as "deep awareness of the suffering of another coupled with the wish to relieve it" (dictionary.com) As I took a look at the word origin, it says it is Late Latin, compassionem (nom. compassio) "sympathy," from compassus, pp. of compati "to feel pity," from com- "together" + pati "to suffer". Yes, passion's origin is to suffer. This reminds me of something that stuck with me that Christina Sell wrote about in her book, that opening your heart feels more like breaking open your heart. There is a wound of freedom, which slowly then heals into pure bliss.
I know from experience the path to freedom and opening your heart is one filled with hurt and pain, for as you open you release. I feel it's my duty as a guide along this spiritual journey to practice compassion, to find the power in suffering together. As we allow the breaking open of our hearts to occur, healing it together is key. Ahhh, community, once again, the power of it brings me to tears. In class today, we shared prior to the practice what made us feel content, and I shared hot baths and great food. Many in the class, ontop of chicken soup and naps, shared that contentment was felt when they connected with someone, a friend who they haven't heard from in a while, a loved one. Contentment, continuing on what I've been learning from Friday is in the fact that we are not alone. There is no need to suffer by yourself. And yes, I believe as a community, not only can we relieve our wounds, but surpass them completely. Ahh, I love contemplation, need to think... and feel.

Lucky 13

2009-11-14T02:42:00.003-05:00

It's fifteen minutes before my birthday as I write this. The big 29. I'm quite excited for this year. I know my classes I teach tomorrow will all be on the topic of celebration, but today was To Write Love on Her Arms day, and I focussed my teachings on that. If you have never heard of this cause, it is is a non-profit movement dedicated to presenting hope and finding help for people struggling with depression, addiction, self-injury and suicide. TWLOHA exists to encourage, inform, inspire and also to invest directly into treatment and recovery. Mainly by writing the word "LOVE" on your arms, you are showing your support, your love for each other. Yes, making the spread of love something significant, showing your friends that they are not alone. I have met many students and teachers of yoga that have suffered with depression, and the idea of being still (meditation) can be terrifying. The best therapy they have found for depression is physical activity. So, in my classes today, we put forth some additional effort to reach out our self-love to others.
Afterwards I stayed for Meghan Johnson's yin class, and if you haven't had the opportunity to practice with her, I'd reccommend it. Having come into a more yin practice to heal specific injuries, her knowledge of alignment and safety within her instruction is refreshing.
I've been contemplating the energetic power in practicing yoga in a community. It's very different than a personal practice at home. There can be more encouragement, more challenge, and in the effort and the upliftment within a class, an energetic shift. I had two students in my classes today come up to me after class and discuss energetic shifts that they felt. I am overwhelmed with gratitude that they felt safe to share this experience. Sometimes those experiences within that are harder to describe with words are the most powerful. I've heard of hot or cold shifts, expansive or contractive energy. I love how the kula I'm encountering is comfortable in sharing this information. For, as TWLOHA reminds us, we are not alone. Even in those most horrible feeling days, we are not alone. There is someone here for you. Yes, there is always your divine connection within, and once you connect energetically to that spirit, you are never alone. But, also, there is a power in the connection that you have to the people around you, within your yoga community, at your local coffee shop, wherever a smile or a glance is exchanged you are subconsciously feeding your friend some support.
Oh, it's midnight. Happy Birthday to me. And yes, even in a new city, where I am not celebrating with a big group of my friends and family, I am not alone. I have already had the opportunity within six weeks to build a support network, that will only continue to expand. So as I enter the big 29, I honour all those times I felt down and alone and unloved, and send the LOVE that I wrote on my arms today to me as well.

12 Days a Superhero

2009-11-13T00:27:00.004-05:00

As I indulge into what seems to have become my daily chocolate chip cookie treat, I rest my sore feet, and look into what to relate. What a day! One of those delightful days that flows without your planning. Yes, it was a completely unplanned day. I taught at Yoga for the People this afternoon, then chatted with Suzanne about changing the Monday night class to a restorative class. Yes, it's official! I so missed having the blessing of teaching one restorative class to my students, so (a little self promotion here) if you'd like to ease into your week, come and partake in some restoration of you brilliant body and mind with me each Monday, 7:30-9pm!
I then traipsed over to Flow for the R&D session (a teaching group for YYOGA teachers) which was led by the lovely Christine Price Clark. After delving deep into the power of language and paying attention to how we convey our message, I was heralded back to Yaletown for a last-minute sub for Sjanie. I am a natural word dictionary and thesaurus user, I find etymology fascinating. So, I went into the understanding of the word alignment as I discussed in my previous blog (a state of agreement or cooperation among persons, groups with a common cause or viewpoint) to focus on the ability to align not only with ourselves, but with each other. And by the sound of the first OM, they were getting this idea of resonance. Ahhh.
Then on to my double dose of Christine, I stayed for her Int/Adv class. Holy sweat batman! We worked on encouraging our inner greatness to expand with some lovely metaphorical work with superheros, and finding our superhero chests with a connected shoulder and kidney loop. These refinements in a room packed with yogis already so in contact with their superhero qualities, it was a sweat-filled joyful practice to be in on. Yes, Day 12, and I'm still loving yoga, ha ha! Ontop of loving it, I am falling in love with my practice in a totally different way than ever before. The studentship and the teaching within this kula is high. I am surrounded by such greatness, it is hard to not feel great too! So yes, I'm in high spirits, chocolate fix accomplished, and superhero "S" shining on my bright chest.
I'm starting to understand the idea of letting go of the reigns. By not looking at my agenda today, and simply having the ability to feel where the natural flow led me to, I was able to participate in some incredibly shri-filled moments. Starting to feel a hint of that great revelation, but I know that there's more to come. I think I'm going to float over to another piece of chocolate to reward myself for all my hard work.

Day 11 Remembrance

2009-11-11T22:03:00.007-05:00

I enter the second chapter of my 30 Day challenge on a day of remembrance. Which so poignantly recalls the energy of great spirits who have come and gone. I feel on the cusp of something great, as I honour the past, I gear towards what lies in the future. Maybe it's my upcoming birthday as well, but I'm energetically soft and introspective today. My day started with a yoga class at Yoga for the People with the founder, Suzanne Slocum-Gori. I wanted to introduce the studio to one of my close friends, so I accompanied her to partake in the power. I was astounded by Suzanne's sequencing, it felt so wonderful within my body, her intelligence of both the physical and energetic bodies shone through. If you have a chance and you are in the Vancouver area, sure, come and take my class at YFTP, but, most definitely try to take Suzanne's!

On the way to the class, literally five steps away from the studio, at the corner of Hastings and Cambie, the Rememberance Day services were in full tow. We stopped for a moment prior to class, to breathe and stand with the throngs of people packed into the intersection to watch and honour the tribute. Suzanne continued the tribute by discussing that energetically our ancestors are within us, and when we practice, we connect to this greater web of interconnectivity. Ah, yes, community, ancestors, people. We are linked by each breath we take.

After the class, my friend and I went for a walk along the seawall, so blessed by the beauty all around us. Calm waters, trees in fall bloom, birds rocking with the buoys, quiet and still. We sat at a bench, and chatted about life, and what was to come in the future for us. The questions, the desires, our wishes. Then we just stopped, and both bent back to look upwards at the canopy of leaves of yellows and reds, the twisted dark branches and the sky overhead. We breathed, we smiled and we sat silent, appreciating this intricate web of grace, knowing that it's all going to be okay.

Day 10 of 30

2009-11-11T01:31:00.004-05:00

The first third of my challenge complete, and I'm feeling good. I ended up taking a hot class today with Danielle Nagel at Yaletown, which raised quite a few eyebrows. Ha ha! Yes, my focus is Anusara, and yes, my practice will regularly be that method. But, it sometimes is good to look outside the box every once and a while. Remind myself of the beauty of different styles other than my own. Danielle has such a beautiful presence and kindness to her instruction, I felt the students were nurtured not just from the heat within the classroom. It reminded me of way back in the day, prior to me discovering Anusara, how I practiced Moksha. It was therapeutic for me on so many levels to go back to that practice tonight, the deep breathwork and sweat. I forgot how exhausted the heat makes me though, and I can now hardly keep my eyes open!
So, this will be a short and sweet entry about my foray into honouring the past yoga style that I practiced with such fervor. It reminded me of all my past revelations and growth within this practice. It was actually in a savasana after a challenging hot class that I first saw in my mind's eye me teaching. Yes, the seeds were planted then, and look where this yogic journey has led me! To the west coast, working towards Anusara certification, and encountering a depth within my personal practice that I never knew existed before. So yes, as I've quoted prior, honour the past, be responsible for the future, and be in the present with a fullness of heart (John Friend). So this first third of my challenge ends with me honouring full-heartedly my past experiences on my mat, and the beauty I found within my past practices.

Day 9 of 30

2009-11-10T03:34:00.004-05:00

The theme for the second week of the yoga challenge at YYOGA is alignment. So, against my better judgement, I crawled out of bed and onto the mat for Shelley's 10am class at Yaletown. We worked on all the intricacies of shoulder alignment (loop) to reveal our expression of divine beauty, meaning a whole lotta backends. Better than coffee! It was so lovely to hear her discuss the beauty of order. I agree, I love to see things in alignment, it's pleasing. Be it my new haircut, the small amount of possessions I have in my room, or the yoga mats in a class I teach, there is something incredibly stunning about order.

The definition of alignment is a state of agreement or cooperation. So, by us aligning our bodies within our practice, we are cooperating with the greater natural order of life. Drool. Yes, this pacifies me. Alignment was the first thing that made me fall for this method. For years I worked in fields that unbeknownst to me were appreciating outer beauty, the salon and spa industry, the film industry. An underlying theme was forming, yes, I responded creatively, I was inspired by beauty. Then when I began to study yoga, and discovered the incredible alignment and natural beauty of the body, anatomically and energetically, I was overwhelmed. Ourselves, without makeup, a killer haircut, or without seeing a beautiful film, just ourselves were so full of breathtaking beauty it sometimes hurt to comprehend.

So yes, I had a shri-filled day, seeing the beauty in a conversation, a smile, the rain, my new daisy rainboots, and yes, me, without even inspecting my reflection. I felt in agreement, I'm beginning to cooperate with the greater spirit. Oh right, I guess that's what it means to flow with grace (anusara). Duh.

Day 8 brings confusion

2009-11-09T01:17:00.003-05:00

Supported practice yesterday rocked, it challenged me on many levels, I went deep. Holding hanumanasana for 2-3 minutes was special. But, I survived, I lived to talk about it, and I taught a flurry of classes today, so it did help my shin splints of yesteryear. Yes, if anyone has good reccomendations for walking shoes, please help me. I love to walk all over Downtown and back again, but my shins are screaming at me! What is the supportive answer?

Yup, today I am tired. I taught a full and rewarding series of classes today, I felt deep and introspective, and it definitely relayed in my teachings today. I was rewarded by a kind student thanking me for my "gentle power". Wow. I have so much to learn. I feel like I need to reread the entire Anusara Teacher Training Manual. I am in a place of complete rediscovery. I don't know what shifted, maybe it was the repetition of the Hanuman Chalisa that I listened to during my long supported practice yesterday, but something has changed. I am open, yet disconnected. Maybe, I'm simply tired. This month has been so full, and it's only eight days in! My birthday's coming up next Saturday, and I must be reviewing what's transpired in my life thus far.

I took a yin class with Shandy Rae after my day, and lasted probably 2-3 postures, then took supta baddha konasana and savasana for the rest of the class. Yoga practice is so vast, encompassing a physical practice, meditation, chanting, philosophy, lifestyle. There are so many different avenues to take. I have chosen the style that I want to study, teach and expand upon, but have I truly discovered my specialty? Is it the Therapeutic aspect, seeing the Universal Principles of Alignment work to heal all sorts of injuries? Is it the spiritual and emotional shifts that I encourage and see in public classes?

As I contemplate what areas of Anusara to study next year, which teachers and which trainings to slot into my calendar, I look upon this past year of learning and growth. I feel like I have expanded, yet I still only know the basics. Does that make sense? I love it when I feel these internal shifts though, when I'm all uncertain and stuff. Questioning everything I know. For experience has shown to me, that this feeling of tired uncertainty and confusion is leading to a great revelation. Some larger truth will most certainly be revealed. So until that comes, I practice. I do the work, and I wait.

Double Dayz

2009-11-07T22:32:00.003-05:00

After fixing some technical difficulties with my internet connection, I am up and running once again! What a flurry of activity these past two days! Friday, taught three classes where the main theme was focus, then took a lovely class with Trisha Wilson which rightly so was all on discovering your truth, satya. Satya is one of the Yamas, an ethical guideline for yogis on how you relate to others. Being authentic and genuine to your inner nature is a high calling, and something that is to be practiced. I am beginning to feel stable once again in the seat of the teacher within this new community, and because of this, have encountered what my authentic voice. What speaks to me within the practice.

Sure, I love the playful sequencing, the support of the kula within a public class, the challenge of some incredible asanas. But as I keep on being reminded from Christina Sell, and what she quotes from John Friend, is that there is a wealth of knowledge to be discovered in the basics. I love digging deep into the fine details of parsvakonasana, for in those depths, there lies a vast expansive universe full of integrity, honesty and authenticity. I continued on this current today, as I taught digging into the depths of foundation, exploring the strength you can access with focal points in your practice. Scrumptious! Taking time to balance muscular and organic effort, long holds, focus and commitment found.

I used to go into an advanced class and throw my organic body around, seeing how deep my backbends could be, how quickly I could access the splits, or a leg behind my head. In the Anusara Teacher Training Manual, under the definition for satya, it says "...not concealing the truth, not downplaying or exaggerating. Truthfulness." So, me eating a big piece of humble pie, last fall I backed off my practice, I became timid in my effort, trying to not be Josie Bravo. But, then again, as the definition says, downplaying or exaggerating. Either one can be inauthentic.

So, as the annual self contemplations occur prior to my birthday, I aim for the highest. I aim to be as genuine as possible to my self. In this quest for authenticity, of course, I'll bring my students along for the ride. It's time to go deep.

In that, my personal practice today will be long holds and supported asana in my beautiful new room, which is so luxuriously huge that I have ample room for my Revolution mat. It looks like it was meant to be here, it's sage green matching the paint on the walls, and accenting so beautifully the old hardwood floors. Yes, I will contemplate what being genuine means in my body tonight, with the following sequence:

Viparita Karani, 10-15 mins

Adho Mukha Svanasana, head supported and heels at the wall, 3 mins

Uttanasana, head supported, 5 mins

Eka Pada Rajakapotasana prep, 3 mins each side, folded

EPR prep, 2 mins each side, twist

Supta Virasana, weighted & supported, 3-5 mins

AMS, root heels, 1-2 min

Gomukhasana legs (Longhorn pose), fold forward, head supported, 3 mins each side

Hanumanasana, back foot against wall, 2-3 mins each side

Jathara Parivartanasana, 3 mins each side

Savasana, 10 mins

I'll let you know how it goes.

Day 5 of 30

2009-11-06T00:53:00.004-05:00

After a rainy, damp day, a delightful class at Yoga for the People, and a successful transferring of stuff to my new abode, I trekked back out to the Yaletown studio to participate in Christine's evening class. With the nurturing mix of her warm voice, expert instruction and practicing amongst what are becoming to be more familiar faces, her theme of coming home felt so true within my body, my soul. Roots are beginning to take place, my spirit is settled. I feel small hints of creative expansion beginning, little notions of great ideas forming for the New Year. I like how I've given myself the first three months to simply focus on the roots, back to the basics, so to speak. Then, as the Anusara syllabus shows, expansion can come afterwards.
So, as I learn the Vancouver Basics, where to shop, where to eat, what to do in this beautiful new home, I am learning how to align to my new surroundings. Gah! I love speaking yoga speak! And once I have fully understood how to settle, I can turn on my innate ability to expand compassionately what I choose to create. So until then, as this yogic challenge unfolds, I just remind myself to open to grace, to see what possibilities flow my way, and begin to set the foundation.
Yes, that's what today felt like for me, a foundational day. I am not anymore the transient traveller, I have begun the groundwork within and without.

Day 4 of 30

2009-11-04T23:00:00.004-05:00

Yoga for me today consisted of long holds of legs up the wall, and then taking times to ice and rest my legs. I think I over did teaching, practice and walking all over the city, my legs were screaming for a break. I actually was limping this morning! Whew! Also, nice breath work as I sat and contemplated my big move tomorrow. Yup, I'm moving into my new apartment in the Downtown West End of Vancouver tomorrow. It'll be a quick move, a friend of mine being so kind to chauffeur me around. Then off to teach, and practice some yoga. Wow, I'm settling. I'm rooting into a place tomorrow, buying furniture and stuff, and I won't be living out of a suitcase anymore. This isn't a prolonged vacation anymore, it's starting to feel more like home. Now, I get to decorate a room, purchase material goods, and ship the rest of my stuff from Toronto over here. Breathe. So yes, my challenge took another wind today. Yes, I'm sure my pitta self will double up on public classes so I don't feel like I'm "cheating" some other day, but my practice today was personal, restorative and meditative. Today I feel good about that.

I celebrate this new beginning, this new stepping stone, as my cousin who's been hosting me this past month celebrates her birthday. It has been such a warm hug to enter this new city within the arms of kind relatives that I hardly knew. Now, I think of both of them fondly, and know I will miss my time with them, the delicious meals, the laughter, the long talks about life and everything in between. I hold such warm gratitude and love for them both.

I have gained more family, and some dear friends this month. I look forward to nurturing these relationships, watching them grow. As I sew my own roots, planting my long toes into the rich earth of this coastal city. Why do I feel so blessed?

I look upon warm faces

I breathe in crisp, sea air

My walk to the bus stop each morning is sweet

I enter into a world of technicoloured trees

and when I turn the block

I am greeted by the breeze off the water

as I gaze towards the mountains

Can I ever take this for granted?

Yoga out west is sacred

The community astounds me

From small to large studios

their hearts are massive

Students are teachers, and

teachers are students

Many layers to be worn

Can I ever take this for granted?

I am in awe of my surroundings,

I feel blessed every day,

I see my own beauty reflected around me

I will never take this for granted,

I aim to always be grateful

to feel so blessed

Day 3 of 30

2009-11-04T01:17:00.004-05:00

Okay, first of all, I realized that if you have come across this blog by chance, you are now forced into the diatribe of listening to my experiences on a 30 Day yoga challenge. Yes, theme for November, I'm sorry to say. So, if this does interest you, ontop of reading my experience, I'd reccommend you comparing it to another. If not yours, perhaps another blog on the topic. Yes, I'm reading it myself, it's the YoYo Yogis' blog, ...have yoga mat will travel, after an incredible 100 days of 100 different yoga classes, they have handed over their blog to their daughter, an avid non-yogi, who as a complete beginner has dedicated the next 30 days of her life to yoga practice as well. So, all I'm saying, is it might be interesting to compare the two experiences on the same challenge. I come with yes, a number of years yogic experience under my belt, but whenever I do these incredible intensives, it feels as if I'm rediscovering the benefits of the practice all over again.

I know, all this on day three. It was a doozy of a day though! I sub-taught like no other, another vast plethora of delightful students, I am so in awe of this extensive community. My last class was at the beautiful Semperviva by the Sea, on Granville Island, and prior to teaching I had a magical time of simply sitting by the pond, with the sunlight streaming down on me and watching the Canadian geese waddle along in perfect unison. But by the time I left class, trekking over to the busstop to ship my bag o' bones up to Yaletown to catch Sjanie's 6:30pm class, my body was done. Yup, five days of walking around on hardwood, cork and carpeted floors barefoot, for the extensive amount of hours that I have taught this week, my legs were screaming for some manual attention, more so in the way of a massage than a yoga class.

But this is what it means to be challenged, I thought, as I eyed the bus on the other side of the street go by, in the direction of my home. Sure, I could miss a day and "double up" the next, or maybe even miss two and "triple up" another. But, I am a purist when it comes to challenges. Hell, I just came out of a 15 day strict cleanse. My willpower still astonishes me. Sometimes. So, I walk into a packed and hustling studio of sweaty yogis, pick up my mat and discreetly roll it out in the farthest, most hidden corner of the room. Who am I kidding? I start to see the familiar faces of students from my classes stream in the door, and one called me on it. Thank you for the additional challenge, I proceeded to move my mat into the light. Then the class began. The most raw and vulnerable that I have ever seen Sjanie teach, I was touched, moved, and my pain (I was seriously considering amputation of a limb prior to class) dissolved. I moved from love, with heart, I was pliable goo.

You know, I continue to study this wildly vast library of yogic philosophy (presently meditating on the Pratyabhijna Hrdyam, "Recognition of the Heart"), plan out my year with numerous trainings with gifted teachers in order to expand my consciousness and understanding, and then I get an hour and a half of someone breaking open their heart, and just showing real emotion, naked and alive, and I get it. For a moment, for a breath. Then I come home and check my email, and I get a facebook message on the subject from my tattoo artist from Fergus, Ontario (I'm thinking, what! He reads my status updates??!!), that "From life experience I have come to the decision that it's all about the heart." His words exactly. Yup.

I don't know what else to say. It's up to you to decipher this one. All I know is the heart is freakin' powerful, and when that is behind your practice, then I understand for a moment, a breath, that it is the practice. Plain and simple.

Day 2 of 30

2009-11-03T01:04:00.004-05:00

Wow. What a fun-filled, action-packed, slammarama, yogiposie type of day! I started early this morning sub-teaching for Shelley at Yaletown. I was all up in a tizzy about teaching today about finding a healthy ego, balancing humility and strength of character in some deep backbending word, prepping the way towards scorpion. Yes, it was my ode to scorpios day. I guess since it's my birthday month and all, I was feeling a wee little egotistical. Ha ha! Anyways, it was deelishus, the Yaletown students rocking my world, yet again.
Then, after a speedie Vega shake, I was lugging my Revolution mat over to Flow for some Clara power. Yes, if you haven't yet heard of Clara Roberts-Oss' power classes offered at Flow, Yaletown, Semperviva and I believe Yogapod (?), you better high-tail it over for a delectable jump into your soul. Yes, creative sequencing, a killer playlist, focus on breath and your bodily groove, it was saweeet! I love my job...ummmm...have I said that recently? Yup teaching, then practicing, then teaching again simply rocks! There is so much more fun yoga yet to be sampled during this 30-Day, I just look at the vast array of classes, and think... what next on this ol' journey of mine?
Well, after a dinner break and some down time, I headed on over to my most awesome possum of a stop, Yoga for the People, for my late night Monday soiree. A student from Toronto surprised me at the doors (yet again!), it was just a delightful way to end the day. An intimately relaxing, yet uplifting mix of twists, backbends and pranayama, with a new student and an old one. This studio gives me tingles, whenever I enter it, I step into a space of great power and energy. People go for the practice, knowing that this donation-based studio is there for them. If you haven't been out to see this enormous character studio, here's a little shameless self promotion (going back to the ego, yet again!), come by and join me for a class! I teach there twice a week, help me cultivate this growing kula, we are the pioneers.
So, yes, day two was an upbeat yet long excursion into the greater depths of this yogic journey called life, thank goodness I threw an infrared sauna sweat in the middle of all this ~ bliss! I sub-teach early tomorrow at Inner Space Yoga (10am & 12pm classes), then do my first sub-teach at Semperviva (woot!) and then try to throw in time to take a class for Day 3. So, until tomorrow my friends, peace out.

Day 1 of 30

2009-11-02T00:47:00.005-05:00

I taught three classes today and was definitely riding the waves of exhaustion and euphoria as I entered Joanne Livera's yin class for my first class on the 30-day challenge. It was an incredible day, rich in early hip therapeutics, then on to a class filled with eager beginner students. I love my Sunday beginner class! I'm starting to see some regular students pop in for more understanding of what this yoga world is all about. I always leave my two classes at Inner Space with a warm, fuzzy and full feeling within. After a heavenly treat of coffee from Cafe Artigiano (if you've never experienced their coffee, I must say, it's otherworldly) and a quick bite to eat, I was over at Yaletown for my sweet Sunday class. Gah! I'm way too blessed on Sundays, I must say! Another awesome class of eager students, majorly mixed levels of experience, all coming together to support eachother, sweat and contemplate a little evening transformation. I focused on a class chock full of twists, aiming to ring out the old in preparation for this shift in inner connectivity.

So, by the time I had a chance to practice, I was excited to soften, to meditate and breathe. To honour my body after a day of demos, practice and motivation. Yup, I am so motivated by my students. So, when I took my first pose in Joanne's delightfully delicious and deep class (yup, triple D's have come out), I just listened, what came to my mind, what was my mantra today? I accept my fears, they are a part of me, and that is okay.

I aim to not dictate my experience this month, to take any class that works in my schedule, not picking and choosing which teachers, but going with what flows to me. Be it advanced, beginner, whatever, I will face the class open and ready. Ready to honour my body, make my practice an offering of peace. I don't care if I fall, I struggle, I rest; if my fear rages towards me in the shape of a pose or a sequence. I honour my chance this month to relinquish control and to be the student as honestly as I am able. If judgements arise (my pitta head likes to create them), I will remind myself to breathe, remind myself to be humble, to honour that I am an awesome wave in a vast ocean of greatness.

Yes, being surrounded by such wisdom, both in other teachers and students, I see the humility and strength within me, within this practice, within this city. I honour this greatness within me, which is within the same ocean as the greatness within you. Guru love!

Dark, Light and the In Between

2009-10-29T14:57:00.003-04:00

This flurry of a month in this new phase of my life is coming to a close. How right to have Halloween marking the end of this whirlwhind period of settling into my new city, a holiday that has it's roots in the Celtic Samhain, signalling the end of harvest time, as well as the beginning of the new Celtic year. It's really interesting, this Celtic calendar, for I see similarities to what I study within yoga philosophy. The calendar is divided into two halves, the "dark" half, and the "light" half. Samhain signifies the beginning of the dark half, and is also said to be a night when the veils between the worlds become thin. In yoga philosophy, the guru principle is similair, gu=dark and ru=light, and a guru is someone that leads you from the dark to the light. But also, we learn it's important to spend time in the "dark", there is something beautiful to the unknown, raw and chaotic depths of the darkness, and without delving into those dark places, we cannot appreciate or trek through to the light.

So, after this whirlwhind of an introductory month into life as a Vancouverite, meeting a whole bunch of yoga students, teachers, new gurus, to be exact, I go into a transitionary eve of parting the veils, or the malas that block the light to my awakened state. I've read in different books about the Celtic tradition and goddess study, that it is a time to pay homage to the crone within us, the old, wise part of our soul. I understand that by acknowledging the depths of our intuition, we can begin the six-month journey into our dark, shadowy internal depths. Thus preparing for the radical transformation that comes with spring.

So, yes, I am moving into my new abode on the eve of Samhain, and will celebrate the transparency of the true, authentic self as I make this shift. Then, to mark the depths that must be trekked during these darker months, I have chosen to participate in the Yyoga 30-Day Challenge. I haven't practice yoga for 30-Days straight in what seems like eons, and it will be a test to what I've recently been uncovering about my malas, my challenges to my practice and my internal growth.

There is a beauty in practice and the continual cycle of dark and light that mimics the seasons and life itself. Within this next month of November, which marks my birthday, my auspicious twenty-ninth year, I aim for a lofty goal of intrinsic self-acceptance and writing what is true. Something to hunker into during these fall/winter months, working on expanding what has already been harvested this month. I've had an idea for a book for as long as I've known, but I chose to start with a blog instead. I'm incredibly scared to start writing, I know, it seems odd, but it's true. What a perfect time to challenge myself to begin though, even if my first couple pages contain I am too scared to start, I am too scared to start...

So, to all my friends who have been so kind to tune into my meanderings, thank you for aiding in my courage to get to this place within my writing, that I can continue to break open my heart and share without fear what is within. And let's celebrate this unveiling of Samhain between us, aiding in pushing us forward into those unchartered areas of further transformation!

Fast-track Enlightenment and the War that Ensues

2009-10-27T15:07:00.005-04:00

My day off has arrived,
the sun shines, bed feels so comfortable,
pyjamas rock,
coffee smells great,
writing is scrumptious.

Yes, the beauty of a day off. Well, I still have been doing a couple business emails and phone calls, but all in the power of the PJ. It's finally started to sink in that this is my new home. I'm moving at the end of this week into my new apartment, right in the heart of the Downtown West End, and I've had the opportunity to meet a whole bunch of avid Anusara yogis during my teaching extravaganza. Rereading Christina Sell's book, Yoga from the Inside Out, has inspired my discussions in classes this week, for how much are we in battle with ourselves even within our yoga practice? How can a challenging practice still make peace with your body? I workshopped this idea in classes from the most beginner, to the most advanced, and yes, it can happen. But without this constant reminder, we funnily enough can resort back to a competition with ourselves, how far can we push our boundaries, how deep can we transform?
In a society that has been conditioned to get a pill to cure anything, lottery expectancy to get rich quick, the speed to spiritually and physically transform ourselves is right up there. I browse the yoga magazines offered, and I see similair advertising flaws that are prevalent in every industry, a specific body type and beauty personified in the yoga models, numerous products promising awakening and transformation for only $39.99. Order yours today! It's not like I'm above this conditioning. How many times have I gone into an advanced practice and pushed myself past my limits to the point of injury or fatigue? Because I should be there within by now, right? Oh, right, this is a lifelong practice, so what truly can be the goals? Peace, loving your body, yourself.
As Marianne Williamson reminds us, our greates fear is how we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be?
The deeper the connection to you within your yoga practice, the more opportunity to release those issues of wanting to "perfect" your practice, finding healthy limits for your growth, but at the same time testing your boundaries. Does that make sense? I remember Darren Rhodes talking about playing the edge. He said how there is a very fine line between pushing your boundary and overstepping what you are ready for physically, mentally or emotionally. But yes, that line needs to be found. You cannot live below your boundary, or complacency may set in. But, you can't always take five leaps past those boundaries, or you'll just encounter major blocks which may push your growth backwards.
I came across an awesome article by Katchie Ananda, a Certified Anusara Teacher in San Francisco, discussing this "Dance of Yes and No" off and on our mats. The article, titled "Fast-track enlightenment can be dangerous", discusses how in Anusara we experience limitation to encourage greater manifestation. This is also an important theme you can explore within Anodea Judith's book, Wheels of Life. Without limitation (the "No"), constant expansion/manifestation (the "Yes") may lead to unfortunate results. We strive for the balance, but of course, and aim to find the peace within our restraints.
So, today, when it's a total "yes" day, absolute freedom to do whatever, whenever, I try to find the freedom in my body, mind and spirit. Sure, I may have some cellulite, some extra pounds, and still am unable to do headstand or handstand in the middle of the room without support; but those are some wonderful boundaries, that help check the speed of my transformation. When I start to see in my mind's eye no extra pounds and that my yoga practice, my body and me are beautiful and perfect just exactly as is, then maybe my spiritual transformation will be as great as the present situation. Why hope for enlightenment that I'm not ready for?
So yes, I am in no rush. I will continue to attempt to make peace with my barriers, in order to experience the blissful revolution within.

Harmony, handstands and offerings

2009-10-23T14:19:00.002-04:00

This week arrived in a flurry of classes, third week I'm here, and I've been teaching up a storm. I love to teach, and it feels so good to have gotten to this point, with the help of all the sub-teaching I'm doing. I also had the pleasure of taking some super classes this week as well. I finally tried out a power class (heard lots of Anusara lingo), then took a class with Todd Inouye, owner of Yogapod and Anusara-Inspired teacher. Soft, thorough and knowledgeable, I quickly broke a sweat in all the deep hip work. Yum! Then last night, I took a workshop with Chris Chavez, an Anusara teacher from LA who has taken Vancouver under his belt, offering a bunch of Immersions, Teacher Trainings and Workshops with Yyoga.
He spoke of harmonizing our asana practice, in order to connect deeper within and to the people around us. For as we practice harmony on the mat, it is reachable off the mat. He had a wicked playlist of asana, including handstands with helicopter legs (rotating around from split to one side then the next), assists to experience handstand to caturanga, then handstands to eka pad koundinyasana...sweet. But after all the craziness of the asana sequence, the main thing I came out with, was his incredible sensitivity to the needs of each student, me witnessing some radical shifts around me within a two hour workshop. His adjustments and demos were endearing and uplifting, sensitive and confident.
I left the workshop, contemplating this idea of harmony. Do I practice in an agreeable, pleasing manner? Or am I still in battle with myself? On the way back from Burnaby, my friend Melissa and I got into a good chat about this, contemplating why women have many issues with self-esteem and perfectionism. I remembered my teacher, Christina Sell's book, Yoga from the Inside Out. Which discussed these stories in depth, explaining how it was easy to practice hard, but a challenge to surrender and make each pose an offering. The idea of practicing in harmony reminds me of this, and as soon as I got home, I reopened (for the third time) Christina's book. It was time to revisit these difficuly internal struggles once again.
So yes, I had some sweet practices this week, but what I like the most, was how my practice in the end, truly came with me, off my mat, and back into my life. With the simplicity of Chris' message, I remembered my frustration with not doing a "perfect" handstand the first time in class, and see that the growth is not in perfecting that posture, but in addressing the underlying emotions that are making it not agreeable. Namaste, my bouyant bhakti rockstar! I bow to the greatness within both of us.

Josie and the Technicolour DreamCity

2009-10-19T16:42:00.003-04:00

Fall has blown in, and this being my first Vancouver fall experience, I'm amazed by the beauty I'm surrounded by. I have to be extra aware when I cross the street, for the nature around me catches my eye, time stops, I inhale and sigh. Double checking that I did not get run over in the interim, for the clouds icing the mountains in the distance, the sparkling waters I'm surrounded by, and then, the technicolour showers of autumn leaves that cascade around me as I walk through the streets can take my breath away. Flourescent yellows, oranges and reds, mixed with deeper amber, rust and evergreen. As it's not too chilly, but just right, I can enjoy walking everywhere, getting to know this new playground one step at a time.

I've been weaving my way through the various yoga teachers within the city, Christine's class a breath of fresh air last week, all the way back to the firepit that is Shelley's wealth of knowledge. I was first a little disgruntled that I wouldn't be able to spend dollars on official trainings this fall/winter due to me focussing on settling into my new city, but I forgot to counter in all the incredible minds and spirits that I could learn from on my mat. So yes, my practice is my spirit's celebration of being in this yoga dream city, but also my study space to balance all the philosophical books I'm pouring into this season.

This week I felt more myself in my classes, I've begun to see familiar faces, names are coming easier to me. And since I'm currently inspired by books and teachers alike, my teaching has begun to escalate into juicy territory once again. I admit, I was a wee timid when I first arrived, but have rediscovered my voice, and it's even stronger. Yet I continue to grow, appreciate new sequencing from different teachers, see how it feels in my own body, listen to different ways of explaining this glory-filled method.

So yes, Joseph was given a dreamcoat from his father, and I was given this gift of a city to fulfill my dreams, guided by the greater spirit to come here. As I continue to delve deeper in my passions, I am continuously inspired by the simple beauty that surrounds me, reminding me that this beauty within and without will uplift me to futher manifest my dreams.

And the practice continues...

2009-10-13T18:56:00.003-04:00

What a whirlwind of delightful classes I've been experiencing! Each teacher with unique strengths, awesome intellect, fabulous energy. I had a super firey class with Shelley Tomczyk yesterday, I believe I have met Christina Sell's North counterpart! Whew! Such strength exuding from every pore, every instruction - exquisite! I will learn a lot from her. Then I went to experience another element today, taking a Hatha class at Semperviva with Cameron. Soft, earthy, calm and stable was his expert instruction. I have realized with the cleanse and the regular yoga practice that I have definitely lost some of my strength, long holds being a glorious challenge. But I feel clear, relaxed, not as jittery as I do on my hardcore pitta days. Actually, if you ever want to reduce pitta and feel a tad more sattvic balanced, I would highly reccommend an anti-candida cleanse. But, with it's many restrictions, it's not for the faint of heart. Haha, it required my strong will to actually do it, but has softened that strength for the duration of it.
I have a whole bunch of other teachers to try out this week, Christine Price Clark being first on my list, tomorrow morning. All the Anusara-Inspired classes I've been to have all had such unique flavours, which I'm so thoroughly proud of the Vancouver kula for offering. Understanding the method so thoroughly in order for them to find their own voice so clearly. Wow. I have joined the ranks of a powerful group of teachers, and all I can focus on is trying to find the clarity within my voice as beautifully as they have. As I delve deeper into the spiritual awakening of the Gita, currently accompanied by Ram Dass' sweet guidance, I aim to allow specific constraints of my current ego to release.
With all these great teachers, certain uncertainty can arise, and I keep on going back to Chapter 3, Line 35, "It is better to strive in one's own dharma than to succeed in the dharma of another". During this exploration of my practice in this kind city, I can try to gain more understanding of what I bring to this kula, what is my dharma (spiritual purpose) here.

Thanksgiving

2009-10-12T21:42:00.004-04:00

On this day of gratitude, I give thanks to...

My family for being so unique, open and loving

My friends all over the world who may not even know how much support I receive from them, how dear they are to my heart

My spiritual practice, for continuously checking me, reminding me that all is good even during the dark times

Myself for finding willpower when it's needed, and softening when I can

My yoga kula which now spans cities and continents, full with such knowledge and devotion

My teachers, for guiding me with such passion and kindness

My students, for being the lights they are

I honour the goodness both within and without - Om Namah Shivaya Gurave!

This may be considered a rant

2009-10-11T00:09:00.004-04:00

I love how in tantric philosophy everything is circular. Yucky emotions circle to the great, the raw form expands into the most beautiful, then back again. Constantly being reminded of the birth-death-rebirth cycle that life, the seasons, yoga is. I've been feeling quite circular myself lately (is that possible ?). Today was a hip day in Josie teaching land, and I entered Yaletown with padmasana (lotus pose) in my brain, motivational and comical stories of Darren Rhodes' on the tip of my tongue. As with any hip class, I had two injured students coming in with SI and hamstring issues, what a great challenge to work so deeply with the Universal Principles of Alignment in order to show them what is possible. I worked with the guru principle, focussing on the beauty that can even be found in those dark, uncomfortable places. Then after finding their lotus, I went home to open an email from my uncle who sent me an article that was recently published in the Globe and Mail, all about yoga being an injurious pasttime, titled "Trouble on the OM Front". He asked comically how things were in lotus land, after highlighting how he thought of me after reading this article. Hmmm..

I've had injuries, and yes, it came from tuning out, not being present, or not being shown the intelligence of aligning the body optimally. I tend to be on the flexible side, so can easily force myself into postures that sometimes I may not be ready for, just cuz' I can. I find the more that my practice has advanced, the more care I bring to my body, acknowledging my organic moon nature and trying to balance it with fostering strength where I really don't think I need it. You know, the places that hurt, or a pain to keep engaged. Then yes, there is, as the article suggests not as much "regulation" in the yoga industry at large, but they forgot to point out that within this industry there are varying styles, philosophies and techniques, some with strong emphasis on alignment, and some not as much. Instead of focussing on the incredible styles that are practiced with incredible knowledge of anatomy, both subtle and gross, it unfortunately led the reader to believe that entering a class could possibly be an awaiting painful experience. Hmmm...

Sure, having an inexperienced guide bring you down a dark, and rocky road would not be the best decision. Research who is your teacher, ask them what they have expertise in. I have also realized that yoga is not purely physical, and yes, when your mind is on something else, your body may remind you to come back to now. There's also this incredibly taboo word which I threw right up in the title of my blog that comes into play, SPIRIT. And yes it's hard to understand that as yoga has become a billion dollar industry, that it's underpinnings are still touting promises of bliss, love and all that jazz. My yoga practice has been my spiritual awakening, has aided it along, my little carpenter, chiseling out the next rungs to the ladder. So yes, I still teach with the context not purely on the physical, even though I adore alignment. Hmmm...

Yoga has been translated as "to yoke", or "union", which are two varying meanings. Sometimes I wonder if I'm simply teaching confusion, since isn't that what occurs along a spiritual path? Differentiating right and wrong, then realizing it's all mixed up again? Gaining some understanding, catching a glimpse of light, then turning back to dark befuddlement? I've been recently diving deep into the challenge of the Bhagavad Gita, after inspirational tales from Sjanie and Leanne's experiences in Maui, as well as Noah Maze quoting from it with such confidence and understanding, that I have placed a fall/winter challenge of exploring this text. I have the Easwaran translation, Douglas Brook's commentary, and have just opened Ram Dass' Paths to God. I also have been reccomended from Noah to pick up Winthrup Seargent's translation to work with as well. So I'm booked. The Gita in it's second chapter, when Krishna basically lays out all his teachings to Arjuna, simply states "...yoga is perfect evenness of mind." (2.48) Well then! That just explains all! Hmmm....

So yes, circular am I, hallelujah for Tantra! Yes, yoga asana should have fifteen hundred disclaimers below the class description at your local studio. May cause physical injury, spiritual enlightenment and massive shifts to your entire persona. So much so that you may change cities, leave your spouse and your chosen career. And not necessarily in that order. Expect with the occasional tendonitis, pulled muscles and sprains, a perfect evenness of the mind that has been proven for some to even give supernatural powers. Add your own line, won't you?

Ha ha! So, yes, as the Gita makes me bonkers, my practice and teaching find me grounded, growing lotuses of of the muck and mire that sometimes can be our hips. Lotus land is way better than la la land, right?

Busy and Bountiful

2009-10-07T12:03:00.003-04:00

I spoke to a regular Vancouverite recently and asked them if their Autumn was always so idyllic. The sun shines daily, a light sweater and cute scarf do you just fine. The students and teachers I'm meeting are just darling, I did tell them though, give me a little time to remember all the new names. I'm good, but not that good. Monday started off with a delightful Hatha class with Bree at Semperviva, an Anusara-Inspired yoga teacher who also is quite the songstress. She just came off the Yoga Conference that weekend, and was super inspired from her workshop with Seane Corne. The class was all about being comfortable with our vulnerability. She took us through a potent hip sequence, with lots of neat spins on the typical asanas. Semperviva is a super-connected, community-driven group of studios in Kitsilano, and yes, I will start to sub-teach there in a week or two, so very excited to expand my teaching area code to the lovely Kits.
Later on that day, I went back to warm and fuzzy feeling Inner Space Yoga to sub-teach for Rebekka, and had a really lovely class of ladies for some backbending delight. The day was smattered with a bunch of viewings, and it felt good to start to at least look at what's out there in the means of housing. I'm not much of the window shopper though, so I do hope the viewings stay short and sweet!
Tuesday I arose to another sub-teach, this time at Flow, which was super fun. One of the students after invited me to this interesting Performance Art Show at Granville Island on Thursday. Yay! It will be a great way to see some neat live pieces, as well as meet a whole melange of people. Afterwards, I went to the popular Sjanie's noon yoga class, and wow! Did we ever sweat! I know she is working towards her certification, and she has really put in the work, the study time into herself, her teaching, it was fantastic to see the growth and strength emanate from her. Congrats girl! Class followed with a tea with Trisha, an Anusara-Inspired teacher who joined me in Sjanie's class, then off to viewings and drive-bys of different Vancouver neighbourhoods with Melissa. Wow! By the time I got home, I felt the effects of the whirlwhind of activity since I arrived here, and after a nourishing bowl of chicken soup, decided to retire to my room early to write, read, relax. It was much needed, and I feel super ready for my two days off, ha ha!
I'm getting ready to head out to Yoga for the People today, an inspiring donation-based yoga studio in Gastown. I'll be taking a vinyasa class taught by the owner Suzanne, then meeting with her for a tea to chat about future potential with her studio. I think after all this marketing of myself, and meeting so many super people in this glorious city, I am going to hunker back home to make a body-hug of a lentil soup and read a little. Take some time to thoroughly enjoy yet another sunshiney day in Vancouver. Tally ho!

Day 2 & 3

2009-10-05T00:46:00.003-04:00

I'm feeling bliss. Yes, it could be the anti-candida cleanse that I am on, which has limited my intake to a wheat, dairy, yeast, sugar and caffeine free existence. It's heaven! I feel so energized, clear-headed, ready to rock! I also have just gone through two whirlwhind days of classes, meeting a whole slew of new students, enjoying every minute of it. My Saturday classes were delightful. Started off with a backbend-filled morning at Flow, then took a class with Jesse Enright afterwards, he is an anatomy guru! Floated to the infrared sauna to sweat, then met up for a delicious salad lunch with Melissa, my new yoga teacher friendly and future roomie. I then trekked on over to Yaletown to teach a class of eager ladies handstands and vasisthasana, then zipped on back to Kitsilano for some family birthday festivities. Yes, ahem, I survived with incredibly strong willpower a birthday, with alcohol and cakes galore on my cleanse! I didn't budge! I drank my water, and laughed often. Haha! So proud of me am I.

Today started at Inner Space, which is such a breathaking place, I'm going to have to take pictures of it for everyone to see. It's a new studio, and it gave me a fuzzy feeling, reminding me of the pioneering exploits of me and the other teachers of Kula Studio in Toronto, I know this will build to something great as well! All the students I have met so far have been super receptive, warm, welcoming... I tell ya, I am truly in teaching bliss! This city has such a relaxed vibe, I don't feel the level of stressful energy around me that I did in Toronto. Not that I don't love T.O., but I'm sure you understand.

Whew! I arrived here on Thursday, and it totally has been a whirlwhind of teaching since I arrived! Tomorrow I'm subbing at Inner Space, Tuesday at Flow, and I'm meeting up with the lovely manager of Semperviva Yoga Studios in Kitsilano tomorrow. This week ahead already looks full, meeting with the owner of Yoga for the People, apartment hunting with Melissa, lots of personal yoga classes, maybe even some excursions thrown in there to see more of this beautiful city, and connect with these beautiful people!

Blissing and smiling, I bid you adieu!

Welcome to Vancouver!

2009-10-03T01:09:00.003-04:00

I arrived yesterday in Vancouver to a cloudy and rainy day. How perfect! Me, my two suitcases and a carry-on arrived safely, with no overweight luggage charges to think of. After packing into a taxi, I was off, through the lush green scenery that surprises you at every turn. Exhausted from final goodbyes the night before and an uncomfortable plane ride, I spent the day relaxing, napping and getting the main things complete, like my new phone line. Woohoo! I have an official Vancouver phone number, I'm in baby!
I woke up to sunshine and a clear breeze today, so I'm already loving it! I headed out early-ish to go to Yaletown, go over some specifics of employment, then enjoy a yummy class by Trisha, a fellow Anusara-Inspired yogini. Her sequencing was great, and within an hour we worked through pinca mayurasana prep, bakasana, parsva bakasana, urdvha dhanurasana, just to name a few. I am so excited to have started this 30 Days of yoga and cleansing with such an intense but delightful class!
After a large amount of errands, I taught my first two classes in Van, at Flow and Yaletown, back to back. Yay! It felt so good, so grounding to teach, I worked with the theme of finding stability during life's fluctuations, fostering the ability to trust in your true nature, since that is more and more revealed to you when life's transforming.
In the first class this theme took us to great twisty versions of parsvakonasana and trikonasana, then moved into deeper hip play, finally leading to a preparatory pose for visvamitrasana and surya yantrasana. The second class, a newer class on the Yaletown schedule, had a small turnout, so I was able to work with lots of hands-on adjustments and a focus of balancing the pelvis and legs to settle and secure the hips, working with bound parsvakonasana, utkatasana twists, down dog push ups, one-armed virabhadrasana 2 to long holds of sirsasana and sarvangasana. They floated out, as did I, feeling settled already at the studios, excited to build my classes.
It feels good to be thrown right in. This month I'm sure will be a tad overwhelming, so yoga practice and teaching will definitely be my solace. I must say though, I have been so warmly welcomed, I feel ready to forge forward into the unknown, trusting and believing in my strengths and the beauty of my already expanding kula. Can't wait to see what's next!

30 Day West Coast Transformation

2009-09-27T13:46:00.004-04:00

Second last day of teaching in Toronto, and I believe the final going away party this evening. Wow! These past couple of weeks have been a whirlwhind of goodbyes, hugs, acknowledgements of the beauty of my Toronto community, and it continues... I'm enjoying a cup of coffee prior to me heading out to Kula, knowing that the energy of Mercury in Retrograde has begun to shift, and by Thursday I'll be good to go.
It's funny, enjoying a coffee and reading the paper has changed into reading my fave blogs with a cuppa joe. I got a bunch I regularly follow written by some incredible individuals, yogis, from all over the world. One that I do check into occasionally is ...have yoga mat will travel. It's a lovely blog about a couple of yogis that have committed to 100 yoga studios from Seattle to San Diego in 100 days. A huge feat, which, they just recently accomplished, and are still on the road, continuing their escapades from LA to San Diego. This was hugely inspiring for me, and I knew I wanted to cleanse in October, and I have decided to document my journey on this blog. Yup, 30 Days of West Coast Transformation is starting as of October 1st! I am committing to ontop of teaching my classes(of course), to practice yoga 6 days per week, and take some time off of coffee, alcohol and refined foods. And what better way than blogging my experiences, a way to keep me focussed and on track! Hey, if you want to join in my challenge, let me know, and we can unite online to give each other support!
There is many yoga studios that I will be teaching and subbing at in the month of October, so this will also give me the opportunity to immerse myself in the Vancouver yoga community, try out as many teachers and studios that I can, while allowing myself to cleanse, and shift my body and mind to this new phase within my life. I'm excited, a little trepidatious, and thoroughly enjoying the taste of my coffee at this point in time. Onwards and upwards!

The Waiting Game

2009-09-22T12:17:00.007-04:00

I feel like I am ready to write again. After a topsy-turvy week or two, where one day was great, I was all ready and excited for my big move, then the other day I was freaking out and felt like my head was spinning. Yes, breathe, breathe. Thank goodness for teaching. Funnily enough, my classes this month have been my rock, the one thing that I know, that I am familiar with. All my favourite students have been coming out of the woodwork on a regular basis, trying to "get as much Josie" as they can prior to me leaving. It's been truly so special. The energy in the studio is my solace, my students so open, and willing to go on a magic carpet ride, knowing that their teacher's been on one herself this month. From yoga, to going away parties, to not packing yet, to selling furniture and giving away my loot to friends.

Today is a good day, though. I had two delicious classes last night, one of my students stayed for both, and after just looked at me, smiled, and said, "You're in a good place." I needed that confirmation and recognition like no other. I do feel in a good place, I feel solid in my teaching, I'm loving my practice. Sure, there are many variables presently, I don't have a full-time teaching schedule out West as of yet, but I do have some incredible classes lined up for October! I spoke to one of the studio directors yesterday, confirming some details, and she ended the conversation, "we wait here for you with open arms". I know, it sounds a little Titanic, but it's exactly what I needed to hear, and she knew it. Sigh.

I know, I'm such a cheeseball. I love musicals. But, during the waiting game, I think cheese is necessary. Bawling while I watch Rent, or giggling at West Side Story. I can't think too much about what's to come, I just need to believe, have faith, and enjoy today. So, whatever it takes for me to enjoy the day, be it teach at my delightful studio, hugs and smiles with friends, good food shared with delicious conversation, yoga practice, movies, family. Laughter, sweat and tears, that's where I'm at.

My friend Lani and I, after an intense conversation about trusting that the larger things will come to us in life, we need to simply focus on what we can do today to get us there, we walk in to my place and watch a scene from West Side Story. It was when the main dude sings prior to meeting Maria. I found it so perfectly poignant to what's going on, I had to share it. Thank you to the super-awesome universe for keeping me full with cheese! Enjoy!

Somethings Coming lyrics, West Side Story

Could be

Who knows?

There's something due any day

I will know right away

Soon as it shows

It may come cannonballin' down through the sky

Gleam in its eye

Bright as a rose!

Who knows?

It's only just out of reach

Down the block, on a beach

Under a tree

I got a feeling there's a miracle due

Gonna come true

Coming to me

Could it be?

Yes it could

Something's coming

Something good

If I can wait

Something's coming

I don't know what it is

But it is

Gonna be great!

With a click

With a shock

Phone'll jingle

Door'll knock

Open the latch!

Something's coming, don't know when

But it's soon

Catch the moon

One handed catch

Around the corner

Or whistling down the river

Come on - deliver

To me

Will it be?

Yes it will

Maybe just by holding still

It'll be there!

Come on, something, come on in

Don't be shy

Meet a guy

Pull up a chair

The air is hummin'

And something great is coming

Who knows

It's only just

Out of reach

Down the block, on a beach

Maybe tonight

Maybe tonight...

Planetary Backwardsness

2009-09-14T12:16:00.005-04:00

I feel good today. Maybe it was the sleep. For the past coupla nights (or more) I haven't been able to sleep soundly for more than two hours, constantly getting up, wanting to throw my roomate's cat out the window, and tearing out my nasal cavities with the ragweed. Yup, that's how I feel, and I'm not gonna hold back. Ha ha! But, I feel GREAT today, hallelujah to a balanced night's rest, gosh, am I getting old, or is rest truly that sacred?

During this "awakened" period, I also had lots to do during each day. From teaching classes, one of my esteemed teachers, Martin Kirk was in town. I got to enjoy a master class with him, as well as a weekend of delving into anatomy. He started off the weekend with a sutra from the Pratnabhijna Hridayam, a tantric philosophical text which translates, "Recognition of the Heart". Sutra 4 states,

"Even the individual who's nature is consciousness in a contracted state, embodies the entire universe in contracted form."

He went on to describe in his incredibly articulate way how this marries what he has been studying within the scientific world with holograms, how when you split a 3D image with light, instead of getting a portion of the image, you still get the whole image! Hence, the smallest piece contains the whole. So beautiful.

So as I learned of the intrinsic beauty within our scapulas, I was first and foremost, grateful for such an incredibly impassioned review, and then secondly, trying to muster up the courage to continue, as I felt my energy continue to fade from lack of rest. I do usually sleep like a log, so was it unacknowledged stress? I AM moving my entire life across the continent within two weeks, with no idea how many classes I truly have on my schedule, exactly where I'll be living in November... BUT - there is one thing that is a certainty, that brings me solace in this topsy-turvy time... I am part of an incredible community of yoga teachers and students, and as I was reminded this weekend, within me contains the whole kula, from Toronto to Vancouver. Phew!

This waiting game between the beginning of the rest of my life (how dramatic is that?), and the last weeks of time in Toronto with my family, friends, yoga community has also reminded me of the delightful planetary backwardsness of Mercury in Retrograde that will be in effect until the end of September. If you are unaware of this quarterly occurence, Mercury, the planet that rules communication, in human and technological form, goes out of whack for three weeks. One of my private clients once told me of a professional friend of hers that would charge double for work completed during this time, for most of the time, it would have to be repeated, fixed, etc. during this time of computer's crashing, miscommunications, and the wrong time overall to start new things.

Well, thank goodness, yes, that I am not starting anything new during this time, but the odd occurences since it started are too many to count. Old friends from my past getting in contact with me, miscommunications, uncertainties of what's to come, but, throughout this whackity-whack time of year, I am constantly reminded of the power of community. Supportive, inclusive, in my friend Marcia's blog she writes that she finally realized she was "in", she was part of the local kula of teachers. Yahoo! So, yes, Mercury is retrograde, but this affects us all as a whole, not just me. Why worry? Why stress? I simply must believe in the truth that the Pratnabhijna reminds us of in sutra 4. Even during times that I feel things aren't working for me, or that I'm alone, I must remind myself that there is the whole universe within my little pinky finger. And yes, when the universe is telling us to be in a more "restful" state for three weeks, take it as a time to simply enjoy the kula around you, your present practice, and prepare for the more active times to come.

Ode to Kula

2009-09-03T14:21:00.003-04:00

Taught a class today at my lovely Kula, a great group of students I haven't seen during the summer, some new, and some dedicated even during the summer months. I taught a standing pose focussed class on going back to basics, welcoming yourself back onto the mat, back to your practice after time away. As I've been trying on some different styles of yoga recently, just checking out what they are in comparison to Anusara, I've realized that Anusara yoga really does demand a high level of studentship. You can't just go to your mat to go through the motions, or "tune out". Anusara requires you to be present, tune in, and connect deeply each time you're on your mat, even if it is for a short practice.

I remember hearing a Kripalu teacher describe Anusara as awakened meditation. By focussing from the bigger picture and purpose of why you are on your mat today, to the details of alignment and balanced action within a posture, your mind is challenged to be present. I have always found it difficult to tune out in an Anusara class, to head to the back of the class, and try to blend into the walls, thinking the teacher won't see me. One of my teachers always told me, that even if you can only give 50% today, give 100% of that 50%. You dig?

Anusara gave me the gateway to understanding my body in a whole new light. By balancing gross movements with an intrinsic connection to subtler movements within, my practice has changed considerably. Even though the intention is the same, the way I go about my practice is drastically different.

I've heard that as your energy shifts and as small transformations begin to occur, things that may have been part of your life before will start to feel alien in nature. I assumed this would be for all my debaucherous previous paths, hence me walking into my old bar that I worked for years, felt like entering the Twilight Zone. What I did not expect was this energetic shift to even occur within my yogic path, with old teachers and classes that I used to go to religiously! I recently stepped back into a familiar classroom, to feel not that warm, fuzzy connected feeling that I'm used to, but an odd sense of emptiness and lack of connectivity to the other students and instructor. Wow! I became an alien in a familiar setting, feeling disconnect instead of deeper awareness.

The spiritual path can sometimes feel like a lonely one. But, I continuosly need to remind myself, that the lack of connection to older surroundings, has simply opened myself to a truer connection within my present surroundings. And that energy will continue to expand, expand until possibly my present awareness has shifted to make room for a larger community, and greater connectivity to yet another set of surroundings.

That's why I am regularly reminding my students and fellow teachers at Kula, that me leaving in a month is simply expanding our kula across set borders. The incredibly supportive energy that is within that studio will come with me on my journeys out West, and season my teachings, enhance my flavour. Plus, within this spiritual journey that is chock full of shifts and changes, I am sadly aware that there may be a day when I go back into my kula and sense a shift in our connection, as I have in my older studios, but I hope that shift doesn't come for a long time. I'm holding on to the "feel good"-ness of Kula and not letting go! I hope this'll help smooth the way into the next phase in my life, so yes, my last month of classes has commenced. In this transitionary phase, I will give my all into my teaching and practice within those walls, entraining myself with the great bounty of loving support. Namaste my body-pumpin', rockin', smilin', cuddly community of hip modern-day yogis and yoginis, you continuously remind me of that great heart, that feel good, fuzziness that is the aftermath of yummy yoga!

Root Revelation

2009-08-31T16:14:00.005-04:00

Yesterday, as I enjoyed a leisurely brunch with my good friend Sabrina, I flipped through my agenda, and realized that in four and a half weeks I will be moving to Vancouver. Okay, I know it should have sunk in sooner, but it just sunk in then. I am relocating across Canada, currently prepping to start life anew on the West Coast. Wow! I've been so busy arranging my teaching schedule, ensuring that I have some classes lined up for me to teach, that I didn't have any time to actually digest the magnitude of this decision. I know I'll be fine, I feel currently so in the flow in doing what is right for me, but wow!

My aunt ended up cancelling on me, not feeling like it was her right time to do the move, which I honour completely, so I am heading on over there alone. I luckily have awesome and incredibly generous relatives who will be taking me in for my first month. This way, I'll have some time to get my bearings in a new city as I find a place to live that feels just right. I do have the opportunity to share an apartment with another yoga teacher when I am there, the first month of October truly giving me time to also foster that relationship.

The many friends and family members that I have had the joy to spend time with thus far since I've been back in Toronto, have definitely mirrored my thoughts in this being a transitionary period for many. Is it really that ingrained in our psyches that as the summer ends, and fall comes upon us, this "back to school" mentality still provokes in us a need for some change? And with me, being a professed constant student, this is the weirdest feeling of all, me not going back to take more trainings this fall, but instead to "hug in" and begin to settle in new surroundings.

I have always been quite the transient gal, never feeling fully stable in my present surroundings, always looking at what's next, or where to go from here. The hugest challenge of all that's presently facing me is to focus on rooting down, sewing some seeds in my new West Coast field, taking it as a priority to find a place to live, buying new furniture, making a home.

This focus on stability, security and material goods makes sense also in my studies of the chakra system. How else can I continue to progress in building relationships, my creative writing, and my sense of my self without having a strong muladhara chakra, or root? With all my studies in the top spiritual chakras, focussing on opening my heart, my will to communicate and voice what is true to me, and developing my intuition and connection to a greater consciousness, I feel that the tables have turned. Time to focus from the ground up, as Anusara yoga is well know in saying, you must "root to rise". Hence, balancing out the spiritual advances with a solid foundation.

This balancing act is a challenging one, and I'm definitely not saying I'm going to master it in the fall of 2009. All I know that this fall will test me in ways that I am prepared to accept but am terrified of. To not plan my next trip or training and to simply bunker down in a city will be quite the feat! I have always looked courageously forward, and I will not allow this to be an exception. If I must not couch surf but buy furniture, not travel but choose paint colours, I will. To truly test my seed sewing capabilities, I will dare myself to purchase a plant and to actually be around long enough to see it grow.

So yes, even though my studies this fall will be in a different nature, I am transitioning back to school. The school of comprehending material comforts, the joys of security and stability. And who knows? Maybe my concentration on this will allow me to reassess my understanding of the basics as well as my strengths in my yoga practice and teaching. Bring it on!

Transition Time

2009-08-23T12:39:00.004-04:00

My Vancouver trip is coming to a close today, this is my last delightful day on the West Coast. But, I cannot feel too bad, since I will be returning in a month, fer good! I had the opportunity these past coupla days to teach some classes at Flow Wellness, one of the beautiful studios I will be teaching at in the fall. Many of the students that graced me with their presence were new to Anusara, so it was an awesome, fun-filled journey into depicting them this fantastic method. I already met quite a couple of students who have so warmly welcomed me to Vancouver, and I look forward to seeing them when I get back!

It's wild for me to realize that this is the last week of August, fall is coming up just around the corner. Fall for me, as I'm sure for many, is ingrained into us as "back to school". Even though this summer I have had the delightful opportunity to study with John Friend, I continue to look through what's offered in continuing education classes, as well as advanced teacher training opportunities. So far, I am definitely looking forward to Martin Kirk's upcoming Anatomy workshop in Toronto this September, as well as an online mentoring group on the Art of Teaching with Christina Sell. There's a coupla things on the go in December which I may partake in as well. Whew!

When I entered the Van kula, it was interesting to hear many teachers ask me if I was going up for certification soon, which I know is of course something I'm working towards. But definitely am not ready for! I checked the requirements to apply for it, and I am quite close in hours and official requirements, but I feel I need an additional year of study with John and Christina prior to my application. Even though this is all I've been teaching and studying for many years, I haven't had the opportunity until just recently to study with John. He is such a master of explaining the greater picture of this method, touching so many while remaining so humble. I can learn a lot from him, and I've already marked at least three dates of interest from his tour next year. Europe, anyone??

September will be a wonderful month of planning the move (I am making the move out west with my Aunt Lisa, my "big sister"), teaching and practicing at Kula with my awesome group of teachers and students, practicing with Michael Siddall, my gifted Toronto Anusara teacher who has guided me for the past two years on my journey and taking the time to celebrate this transition within my life with all my loved ones, family and friends included!

In this transitional time, I remember what John says, "honour the past, be responsible for the future, and serve this present moment with fullness of the heart". I will try my darndest.

Yoga, Love and Community

2009-08-20T12:40:00.007-04:00

I finally allowed myself to sleep in today. First day of my vacation that I do not have a schedule, and I have vowed to myself to take it easy, stay in the Kitsilano area where I'm staying, and simply enjoy the beautiful summer days that have found their way here. The past six days are a blur of yoga, love, community and incredible beauty. I will try to describe them to the best of my ability.

Friday I took it easy prior to my audition class, and met Marinella, a gifted teacher from Toronto who came in town for John Friend as well. I was so excited to spend some time with her, for we really only have time to chat outside of Toronto, on these yoga events, since we usually both have such busy schedules. We met at Raw Canvas, a unique coffee house, art gallery and painting studio run by two urban yogis from Yaletown Yoga. So cool! We enjoyed big bowls of chai and organic black teas in overgrown sofas of contrasting colours. Maps strewn out, brainstorming all of our plans for this trip, too much fun! I really wanted her support, a friendly and familiar face in the class, so she came with me to Flow Yoga to take my class. I really just focussed on bringing fun and laughter into a sweat filled backbending class, with emphasis on connecting to that desire and passion that fuels your creative expressions off the mat. It was super fun, the owner of the studio love it, and yay! I passed the test!

So glad to have that over with, I was then able to go into the next five days with John Friend in a relaxed and celebratory attitude. The Weekend Workshop was deep, with a real focus on the expansive qualities of your practice, and the expansive alignment principles. I did postures that I never attempted before on my own with a delightful ease, and deepened my understanding of others. I found the energy of the workshop really focussed on the energy of the spirit, with an understanding that the mind and body were aligning to something greater, which was embraced by over 300 people throughout the weekend. I had the opportunity to meet so many people from the Vancouver kula as well as from abroad, and it felt those two days flew by!

Monday heralded in the beginning of the Therapeutics Training with John, a three day adventure of honouring the responsibility of serving and aiding in the healing of others, while truly acknowledging our teachers that have led us here as well as the universal spirit that guides us. This was the first event with John that no photography was allowed, so the past five days as well were powerful with mental pictures, capturing spectacular moments of demoing postures, to breakthroughs of students, to a simple connection and a smile to someone else in the room.

Every evening this week was spent in celebration with other yogis and friends, and with such full days, it felt like I experienced even fuller nights. No wonder I am super comfortable just catching up on some emails, writing and enjoying a coffee at this point in my trip! I've been on overdrive on the shakti bandwagon. Traipsing around all of Vancouver, catching ridiculous views of foggy mountains in the distance, clear blue skies, sunshine abundant and sparkling waters. Mix that with smiling faces and awesome energy, I've been drunk on the magic of life!

I am listening to Bronwin's CD Bhavana, and the song Shri just came on. Beauty, divine and in everything, is what I have been appreciating. Beauty, love, the connection between individuals, from true divine unions (met many engaged or married parties this week) to an ability of seeing that inner spark within many.

Yes, I feel at home, but I am leaving a beautiful kula in Toronto. When I return for my last month of teaching, I will take time to embrace them fully, knowing that my move will not disengage but actually expand my kula, my chosen hodge-podge of merry-making bohemians. As well, it will give a chance for other teachers to guide and bring their magic to the Toronto kula. I endeavour to bring the same magic to Vancouver, opening myself to the love and community that is so strong here. As Sjanie so succinctly put in her recent post - Om Namah Shivaya, you know what I'm sayin'?

Yoga, Rain and Audition Time

2009-08-14T00:04:00.006-04:00

Another delightfully glorious day in the rain-filled West Coast. I've been running rampant throughout the streets of downtown Van yesterday and today, checking out three yoga studios, practicing, sweating, and meeting more of the awesome yoga community out here, armed with my massive purple umbrella. Yesterday started off at Flow Wellness with an arm-balancing class with Sjanie and some time spent in the infrared sauna. Today, morning class with Sjanie once again, lots of hips and forward bends to compliment the grey rainy skies outside. Then, later that day, I found myself in Gastown to see the newly opened Inner Space Yoga, a beautiful haven of a studio in a building that reminded me of the old city walk-ups in Rome, courtyard included.

I think it finally has started to sink in that I will be moving here. After having met the studio directors of all three spaces to discuss my fall schedule, I know it's a go. I have work here, an incredible community of passionate and artistic individuals to get to know, all I now need to work out is a home. Checking out the different neighbourhoods in downtown Van, and deciding where to reside.

Midway through my day today, I got a call from the director at Flow to sub-teach an Anusara class tomorrow. I knew I'd have to "audition", but wow, so soon! But I have learned to embrace the intensity of what flows my way, and obviously, prior to my time with John in Vancouver, I'm supposed to teach a class of advanced students and teachers Josie-style. Audition classes are always the most stress-laden for me, for I want to show them my expertise in the method, my teaching style and my personality while not over-burdening a public class in only an hour and fifteen minutes! I of course always over plan them, rethinking the content over what seems to be billions of times. At least I only found out about this the day prior, whew!

As Sjanie taught in class this morning though, we practice yoga to be a more authentic you, to embrace our unique selves, even though this can be the first thing we forget. Instead of empowering this stunning uniqueness, we may empower our fears and sorrows instead. It can be easier to feel like crap sometimes than to remind ourselves that we are the shit (pardon my language, but I thought it was appropriate!). So, at the end of the day, what we need to express on our mat is our self, unique and flawed as we are, in the seat of a student as well as of the teacher. I will go in the classroom tomorrow with that intention in mind. I know that throughout my teaching career I have come across classes that have been supervised, watched, critiqued from participating teachers. As I become more clear in my teaching, I know the feedback I will receive can only be with the same level of clarity, and intense precision. Cit and Ananda will simply have to lead the way, baby! I not only will remind my students, but myself of that revelatory goodness within, and upon that recognition to have fun with it, shout it from the rooftops, celebrate it with a little sweat, laughter and rockin' practice. So, let's bring it tomorrow, and if you're in the Vancouver area, 4:30pm Anusara 2 class at Flow is where it's at!

Arrival in Vancouver

2009-08-12T13:38:00.005-04:00

I just arrived in Vancouver, and the first thing that comes to my head is, welcome home. I took a cab from the airport to my relative's home in Kitsilano where I'm staying during my West Coast adventure, and as soon as I got in I cranked down the windows to breathe. It felt like cobwebs in my brain that I wasn't even aware of started to clear. The crisp air from the ocean, sparkling sun, cool breeze and lots of foliage all around me. Whaddya mean, I can live here?? This is in Canada?! Why has it taken me so long to come?

The taxi driver must have sensed that it was my first time in Vancouver, since I was giving myself whiplash from the amount of neck-craning and crazed head spins from my absolute eagerness to absorb in all of my surroundings. So, he took me up SW Marine Drive, getting to see all the magnificent homes and sprawling lawns of the financially sound. As we stopped at a traffic light, my eyes took in my first sign from the universe, a giant billboard which claimed, "Feel like yourself. Again." (an insurance ad), then switched to, "A Better Light" (a beer ad). No, I wasn't looking for insurance and booze, but I have been searching for that feeling, an odd sense of clarity (light) that I haven't found thus far. I guess I had to have come all this way physically, emotionally and mentally in order to prepare myself for the clarity I am going to now receive.

I pulled up to a delightful house, warmly welcomed by distant relatives. As I sit here, having felt the urge to write as soon as I arrived, surrounded by creative spirits, overlooking an artist's studio, vegetable garden and greenery, I feel calm. I feel centered, without having the need to meditate. I'm on the West Coast! I remember, on my flight back from Austin in April, seeing a preview for a delightful Canadian film, One Week. There was a scene in the preview that brought tears to my eyes: two tourists coming out of the Canadian surf and remarking to Joshua Jackson's character, "You live in the most beautiful country in the world." I continuously have traveled elsewhere, Italy, the US, Israel, to see this natural beauty, to inspire my creative self. Now I have arrived, in Vancouver, a place where I can live, not just visit, and I feel that same rush. The exuberant wave of inspiration, creativity and empowerment. I feel welcome...home.

Self-Professed Yoga Nerd

2009-08-07T14:21:00.006-04:00

Have I said recently how much I love to teach yoga? How much I adore practicing it? How much I embrace delving deep into the inner connection between each of our beautiful hearts? Well, if I haven't, then I'm shouting it out loud, singing it from the rooftops, jumping up and down with glee. Yes, I am a self-professed yoga enthusiast, I teach what I love, I work at what I am working on within. I feel blessed to have that.

Ha ha! Yes, I taught two delightful classes today and being always inspired by my teachers, I dived deep into teaching the brilliance of the Anusara Syllabi . Darren Rhodes, one of the teachers I have studied with, went to the trouble and challenge of photographing himself in every asana on the Syllabus, and it now hangs on walls in studios, homes all around the world, inspiring yogis on the intelligence and beauty behind the Anusara method. So, I'm revisiting the Basics, trying to embrace all the first Syllabus with a balanced understanding of good attitude, alignment and action. I want to see how this challenge affects my Expanding Syllabus, and should be the portal to me truly embracing in the future the Radical Expansion that Anusara promises within the third Syllabus.

Usually in classes I find teachers (including me) have their favourite backbends, sequencing, etc., and sometimes a couple of postures get lost in the cracks indefinitely, so I'm challenging myself to teach, to study and to learn within my body the Syllabi in the order they are presented. Trying to include postures that aren't regularly in my repertoire with old favourites. I have no idea how my trip away next week will aide in my expansion, but that's the joy of it, jumping into the unknown with total gusto!

Yes, I'm off to Vancouver on Wednesday (woohoo!) to study with John Friend for 5 days (Therapy Training and Weekend Workshop), as well as spend some glorious time on VACATION. Yes, I haven't had a real vacation in a while. But of course, my vacation will include lots of connecting within through yoga and nature, so I'm excited to see how it goes. I know I have a whole bunch of people within the yoga community, as well as some old friends and family to enjoy long conversations, possible coffees and yummy food, and maybe some fun in the sun or sweat on the mat. The countdown begins!

I end my year of teaching with Balance Fitness tomorrow. The students and I throughout the past couple of weeks have been swapping stories of our growth within the past year, and truly they have been such an incredible group, I feel blessed to have met them, taught them, as well as learned vast amounts from them as my students. I knew energetically it was time to go, preparing myself for the possible relocation in the fall to the West Coast, getting myself mentally, emotionally and physically ready for the transformational shifts of moving my career, myself and my life to Vancouver! So, yes, my vacation is also lots of energetic preparation, aligning myself to my new root, my future home.

I will be continuing to teach at Kula until I leave, for my family of supportive teachers and students there has helped me to truly hear the sounds of my heart's song, listen closely to my internal wisdom that has guided me thus far on my journey. I know they will continue to support, and I will continue to grow as they grow, our hearts opening, the powerful vulnerability of a communal open heart expanding the connection within Toronto. The connection that we have as a kula, blossoming past the studio's doors and flowing into the streets, into the connections each and every one of us has with the many loved ones within our lives, hence progressively shifting the energy of more than we could ever imagine! Wow, the power of yoga still amazes me. The strength of Kula Yoga Studio overwhelms me. There's some good stuff going on over there! If you haven't felt it already, challenge yourself to come out of your comfort zone and try out something new.

Because really, that's what it's all about isn't it? That balance between acceptance and aspiration, comfort and challenge, finding strength in your intuition. Well, that's what I have figured out thus far. Can't wait to see what's out West for me! So bring on the vacation, bring on more time with John! Let's raise the roof, woot!

Inflamed

2009-08-03T15:18:00.004-04:00

I had to take a bit of time off from writing my blog due to a bout of elbow tendonitis, the subtle shift from key to key was torture! I obviously was training to hard and practicing too much, hence my alignment suffered, and ended up irritating my tendons in my elbow. No fun! I read Christina Sell's blog today on studentship in comparison to salsa - mild, medium and hot, and being okay and aware with what flavour you presently are at, that day, this year, etc. Since I'm usually at a desire to learn at such a piping hot level, when my body and mind are saying medium instead, it can be hard for me to adjust, hence, having to get an injury to remind me to balance out my fire with softening my fire in studentship. Crazy! What a journey this yoga teaching has been!

The past week I've had the awesome opportunity of chatting with some of my students off the mat, them asking my reccommendations on how they can deepen their level of studentship in a safe and balanced way. How telling as soon as I have overstepped my safety zone and injured myself, I end up being asked for guidance from students and other teachers, thank you universe! How else can I receive a lesson, other than over and over again within a two week period of time. Of course, I've also been meeting new students who are suffering or have suffered from wrist injuries, knee tendonitis, bursitis, and now I can understand first hand what they require to rehabilitate as well as practice. I'm part yoga teacher, part guinea pig!

Anyways, just a quick check-in, can't put too much typing stress on the ultra-tight forearm, so until things cool down!

The Constant Student

2009-07-26T22:32:00.007-04:00

Sunday night, a busy week of teaching and learning complete! I'm in such a good place right now. I've had the opportunity to do a lot of my own yoga practice, and have been in a really good groove. One of my teachers, Christina Sell, has always been an advocate of bringing together the different yoga styles, and finding the similarities between them, instead of focussing on the differences. So, I checked out a well-known Ashtanga studio in the city this week. It was so beautiful to go into the practice, with my knowledge of alignment from Anusara, and simply flow, connect and sweat. It was nice to see a different teacher's approach, and overall, a great learning experience on what it means to be a student.

The more I teach, I find even more importance on my being a student. It keeps me humble, it keeps me open to continuing to learn, and being open to finding that new lesson within someone I least expect. Scheduling practices with other teachers, or making it important to go to a class on a regular basis helps me with this. Some days, I know, things are flying, I've hit the cup of coffee, I'm teaching all over the place, and last thing I want to do is practice. But by making it as important as a scheduled teaching class, keeps me open to the opportunity of what I will learn in that class. The past four days or so, it's been pouring off and on most days, and on Friday I had planned a teacher's practice at Kula. Vicki and I showed up, all headachey and blasted from a busy week, but we still arrived. After rolling out our mats, we let the practice flow, adding in lots of supported postures and inversions, it rocked!

So, yes, whenever I say at the beginning of a class I teach - thank yourself for your practice today, thank yourself for choosing to come onto your mat, I mean it! Showing up is the biggest thing, and by you showing up, letting go of what you expect, you're able to just open to the flow, connect deeper to your spirit, and learn something.

I went to Christi-an's Eye of the Tiger practice on Saturday, and it was one of those days. Busy teaching in the morning, meeting afterwards, then booted it down to the studio, with minutes to spare. I had no idea what was on the agenda for the day, no idea who else was coming to class, I only knew how my body felt and how much energy I was lacking. I opened to the challenge of being a student, letting go of my teacher hat and just opened to Christi intuiting the practice. It was a beautiful backbends class with lots of therapeutic applications, and I learned how to feel truly sensitive to my partner's needs prior to adjusting them. The rain was pouring, the sky dark, but inside the class we were aglow with kindness and compassion. I floated home, thanking my teachers, enjoying the acceptance that I always have something to learn. It always comes back to what Prashant Iyengar said, "learn to learn, learn to teach, teach to teach, and teach to learn."

So, tomorrow, I have another teacher's practice to head to, which I sometimes miss because it falls on my day off, but I will attend, I'm promising myself! For who knows what lesson awaits me tomorrow?

Do you believe in magic?

2009-07-15T14:37:00.006-04:00

"Listen with sensitivity to your Heart, because it is full of intuitive wisdom that will lead one in the flow of magic." -John Friend

Depending on the day, the circumstances, it sometimes can be hard to put your belief in something subtler and more profound. In my bedroom, on the wall facing my bed, I have my vision board centred for me to see first thing, and on top of it, a large sign I picked up at a cute store with one word painted on it - BELIEVE. Reminding myself on trusting in the natural flow of the universe, having intrinsic faith that if I align myself, if I listen to my heart, only helpful, loving things will come my way. It's happened to me before, and if these past two weeks have been any indication, it is happening again!

Wow. Where to begin? My roomate and I are planning a big summer party and BBQ for this Saturday, and in order for us to get all the things done, and get the backyard looking super spiffy, we knew we needed a miracle... or five?? So, we jokingly put together a verbal miracle list on what was needed. We put down some new grass seed in places, so we needed a good downpour, then lots of sun to help the grass grow. We had to find some more chairs, or patio furniture as cheap as we could find it. We ordered some bamboo rolls for a fence, which was being shipped in from afar, so we needed it to arrive prior to the party. All this hoping, all fingers crossed, we put out our wish list and let it go. Within the next couple days, which were super busy for both of us with work and errands, the beauty and magic of this intelligent universe came our way. A big downpour happened last Saturday, so the thirsty grass seed started to cultivate. The next day, my roomie was contacted by a friend of hers about taking patio furniture off their hands for they simply didn't have the room. Two days later, our bamboo was in transit, it arriving today! Ask, believe, receive.

I've been wanting to check out Vancouver for years, ever since I started teaching yoga, actually. I could never find the right time, studies and work kept me in Toronto. After John's workshop, I got an acceptance letter for John's workshops in Vancouver this August, and I just recently heard from them that I have been awarded a scholarship to participate in the five days at a discounted rate! Financially this opportunity became more than doable, and I thought, well, might as well stay a little longer and finally take the time to check out this awesome city. I started to contact the kula in B.C., and have had such great support from them thus far, that I am now seriously considering making the move. It's been something in my heart that has been telling me to go out there, in the midst of the natural beauty and be of service - a guide, a teacher and a student. By challenging myself on my mat and off not just to open, but to focus on stabilizing and strengthening my intuitive power, I have clarified my heart's song.

I went with my gut. I started to send out emails to different studios, checking in to see if I could find any teaching opportunities out there. I am so blessed in Toronto with a full teaching schedule, incredible teachers and students to learn from, could I possibly find the same out there? The response has truly been extraordinary! I feel so in flow and in connection to my intuitive self, by simply following that nudge within. So yes, nothing is in stone as of yet, but I may be making the move to Vancouver in the fall. Yes, and it fears me to be so open and it challenges me to endeavour to communicate with clarity what I feel within. But as I open to grace, to my heart's song, to my revelatory spirit, I dare myself to not fear the abandonment of my kula, friends and family, but instead to be proud and sincere with my intuitive wisdom.

And hey, maybe it was the little magical occurrence of getting patio furniture right before we needed it, maybe it was being challenged to delve deeper into the understandings of my consciousness through archetypes recently, maybe it was feeling so blessed with a great community of yogis, teachers and students, or maybe it was me being uplifted and purified energetically with John Friend and the Toronto kula. Whatever occurences they were, be it one or all, I understand the quote above - which I actually was taught by Darren Rhodes in Tucson, at the beginning of this year. Be open to the magic and the beauty within, and you will attract the same to surround you!

Living, Loving and Learning

2009-07-08T13:57:00.008-04:00

It's funny, I've been wanting to write almost every day, for I definitely have things to say, but by the time I have time to get to my computer, I'm not at my creative best. So, I finally have a little more than a couple of hours of me time, and I am at my laptop, ready to write. I've been in such flow with everything around me, it's difficult for me to hone into a specific topic, but life has been bringing me lots of joys and thoughts that I'd like to share. On Saturday I sub-taught a practice, a two-hour class where I practice with the students, and since it was on Independence Day and we're Canadian, I taught it on simply embodying what independence means to you. We had a great chat about how independence is in essence signifying your freedom and courage, and the dialogue continued as we practiced. I left with such a sense of empowerment, I simply floated home!

Teaching has truly been a blessing to me, for usually what I teach I need to learn, or at least need to reevaluate within my life. So, me feeling the confident, independent and self-sufficient women I am, I wondered what challenge to my independence would come my way. On Monday, I sub-taught a class at Kula, then took some time to write a letter for a scholarship I'm applying for through Anusara for some additional study opportunities with John. Was this the challenge to my concepts of independence? By me relinquishing some control of my finances, and by me asking for help, was this some growth on my part that I'm seeing?

I'm a gal that as soon as I understood the concept of independence, I swam out to an island and put a big "J" right in the middle of it. Figuratively speaking, of course. On top of freedom and courage being representative of my independence, I also related control of my surroundings, and absolute self-sufficiency, with no help from family, friends - anyone! Yes, I still consider myself an independent woman, but a little softer around the edges thanks to yoga challenging my issues with control. To even contemplate asking for financial help to study with John is a big step for me.

After this mini-revelation, I met Colin (the owner of Kula studios) for a practice. Usually at our Monday teacher's practice there is a whole bunch of other yogis present, but they were all just coming off of the Canadian tour with John and coming back to Toronto from Calgary! So, it ended up being just the two of us this time around. Colin is incredibly intuitive, and is such a representation of teaching from the heart - I have immense respect for him. We practiced together very organically, just flowing with music and conversation, as we met in the same postures occasionally, and sometimes veered off into our own postural path. We also applied some therapeutic applications to each other, and ended with some acro yoga too! On top of the practice being so utterly delightful, the conversation was mind-blowing. We discussed what intuition and energetic flow meant to each of us, and since I'm still trying to comprehend my participation with my inner subtle workings it was great to hear the opinion of someone confident in their abilities. The conversation led to the use of archetypes in studying your personality, and specific areas where you may be stuck. He timidly told me the two archetypal words that he kept on getting for me, vampire/voyeur.

Well, after the initial what???, I practiced with this contemplation in mind, and knew that for a long time I'd either feel energetically drained from interactions with people, or vice versa. Was my misunderstandings of my subtle body enabling me to psychically attach myself to others, and without my knowing, depend on their energy to aide me through my experiences? Too many questions were raised, I had to dig deeper! Especially after all this talk on independence, to even consider that there was an underlying issue of psychic dependence on others that was preventing me from my own personal freedom - well, I needed to address this!

So, I checked in with the source, Caroline Myss' book Sacred Contracts describes a list of archetypes in detail. Ontop of the physical and sexual attachment that is portrayed in movies and literature about vampires, she continues to write, "...we sometimes form psychic attachments to others because we desire their energy, a desire that manifests through a need for approval, a need to have the "other" take care of our survival, and a fear of being abandoned. What has been defined as a co-dependent relationship could easily fall under the Vampire template. You may find it hard to identify yourself as a Vampire, yet it is essential to review this archetype personally. Patterns of behavior such as chronic complaining, over-dependency, holding on to a relationship emotionally or psychically long after it has ended, and chronic power struggles are all indicators of Vampire patterns. Holding onto someone on the psychic level is as real as holding on to them on the physical."

Definitely in my past as I struggled with control and independence, I felt the need of having others take care of my survival, a need for approval and, yes, I guess it did relate to a fear of abandonment. I tend to hold onto relationships way past their due date, be they work-related or personal, and I'm seeing that this is more so because I haven't energetically allowed myself to let them go. Wow. The beauty of understanding this, and facing this head on is that these ancient patterns of inner consciousness have been thoroughly studied and manifest themselves in shadow or light form. So by a deeper understanding of my personal shadows, I can allow myself to see the light and promise in this newfound understanding, and work towards more personal freedom from old holding patterns within my psyche.

In the exercise of release and letting go that yoga has taught me, I aim to revisit old holding patterns, as dark as they may be. I am open to releasing this psychic dependency, and to be more of a vessel to allow people's energy to flow through me, instead of retaining their strength and endeavour to foster more of my own. Long ago I read the book from Leo Buscaglia, Living, Loving and Learning, and it challenged me to be a consummate student, to not just aspire to live and love to the fullest, but be open to all lessons that come my way. I am confident in my teaching abilities, and know that my purpose is to relay all that I have learned and continue to learn to others, and I intend to bring that same confidence and courage to what I still need to learn. Hence, bringing me closer to that feeling of my own personal freedom and independence!

Hungry and Vibrating

2009-07-03T18:27:00.004-04:00

Just finished an awesome practice with Vicki at her lovely home in the Beaches, and thought I'd hunker down to writing while I wait for some brown basmati to cook. It's been five days since my life-altering experience with John Friend, and I am still so in touch with this new vibration. I've been waiting with baited breath for this level of clarity! It's interesting, I've been hemming and hawing about specific projects and larger choices in my life for years, and within five days I know it's time to start them. I'm keeping it a little hush-hush until I work out the smaller details, but am looking forward to having the chance for more creative expression and greater connection to my surroundings sooner than later.

After the practice today, which was so beautifully organic, just connecting to our bodies, eachother's energy, having an exquisite pairing of lots of arm balances and backbends, and... I did my first drop back unassisted! We shared assists, and threw in a little therapeutic yumminess and secrets of the trade that we learned along the way. Vicki and I are planning to make this a regular weekly occurrence, and I'm super stoked! I love how things flow into your life just when it's needed.

I'm subbing the Practice at Kula tomorrow, when I practice with the students, and I know a whole bunch of my regular students, as well as friends will be turning out. Looking forward to continue passing on this incredible energy to a sweaty practice. But cannot continue to write, for rice smells too good (like popcorn) and I'm ravenous after a day of teaching and learning!

Friend-ified

2009-06-29T22:45:00.004-04:00

I just finished the weekend workshop with John Friend, and it truly has been one of the most incredible weekends of my life. Words cannot describe my experience with this master! All I can say, is that not only did I find new awareness in certain postures, plus pushed my body towards new limits, but I also have altered my entire perceptions. My connection to this incredible divine power and love feels so much more in flow, yes I am truly flowing with grace, I am attuning. I challenged myself and taught two classes today to help out my kula. Usually when I've been so altered physically, emotionally and spiritually, I just want to curl up at home and deal with it on my own. But as John Friend reminded us at the end of the weekend, with this newfound shakti, aim for the highest and offer yourself to the service of others. So, I taught two classes, even with intense soreness and exhaustion, I went within, connected to that great spirit and spoke from the heart.

I've already signed up for Vancouver, so my Friendification can continue! I hope to continue to meet the incredible Canadian kula during my journey, for meeting up with old friends this weekend, and meeting some new (shoutout to Diana!) was a delightful experience. And yes, of course, I aim to continue to learn with my respected teacher, a master who has such a profound connection to the divine power within, but is also able to balance being of service to others with being of service to himself.

Countdown to Shakti

2009-06-26T14:14:00.003-04:00

So I'm sitting here doing laundry while John Friend is leading an open practice at Queens Park in Toronto. I know - crazy am I, but I have a kagillion things to do prior to me heading on over to the York School at 4pm to help set up the puja for this weekend's event, as well as help out at the registration table prior to tonight's dharma talk. The excitement is incredible, I dreamt last night of me waiting for tons of people showering to go to the event, and I could never get into the shower! Someone would appear infront of me, ready for their 20 minutes of cleansing, and I was stuck waiting, dealing with mounting frustration led by anticipation of this weekend. "Get out of the shower!", I yelled. So, as I wait for clean clothes for this weekend, I decide to challenge myself in sitting down for a whole whopping 20 minutes. So here I am, writing it all down, filled with excitement, and testing my patience.

I taught two classes this morning, which I felt were my best classes ever (!), all working with the theme of this year's tour, Ultimate Freedom. As I was leading my second class into savasana, the receptionist at my studio beckoned to me frantically. I'm thinking, what? Fire drill? Nope, in an energetic whisper, she told me the good news, it's all over twitter! How could I do this? How could I wash my clothes and tablecloths for the puja, pick up peackock feathers, get ready for tonight, as well as eat some food and make it to the open practice with John? Could I risk attempting to split myself in two, or three even? Well, instead of the attempt, I am learning to accept that I am not superhuman, cannot clone myself to experience many things all at once, and realize that I will be spending the next 2 1/2 days with this wonderful teacher of mine!

Is my laundry almost ready, the excitement and anticipation starts to bubble up once again, and I kind of want to yell, "Hurry up!"

Plateaus and Downward Spirals

2009-06-24T13:02:00.005-04:00

Summer has arrived to Toronto, the stick and the sweat along for the ride. Iced tea has become my best friend, as well as the occasional glass of crisp Pinot Grigio. My tan has finally escalated to a deep brown, and I'm feeling like I've finally kicked that residual cough from my flu in the butt! After resting a little bit more today, I'll be back to tip-top shape. Yesss, getting back in shape is fun! I took a class with my teacher, Michael, today, and the sweat, and the twists, and the strengthening standing poses felt delightful! Also, I'm super stoked to add some strength training to my weekly routine in July and August. Yup, I've decided to work with a personal trainer once a week on something I haven't done in a verrry long time - drumroll please - weights! I have a super talented staff of PT's that work with me at Balance Fitness, and now that summer is here, along with the yummy heat which works so well for my muscles, it's time to amp up the fitness regime. I want to see where it'll take me in my yoga practice, for I'm currently feeling I've reached a fantastically challenging plateau.

The good thing about a plateau, is that I know it'll pass sometime. I have become very smooth in my practice (that's the only way I can describe it), I feel stable and aware. BUT - the postures that I'm working on currently to hurdle through are not coming as easily as I would have liked. My body currently just doesn't want to do them. I think by changing my body physique a little, a minor alteration on the strength level, should help me get past this plateau. I'm hoping.

Which postures you yogis may ask? Well, I've set a goal for this year for me to be able to practice sirsasana (headstand) without the help of a wall for over 8 minutes. I can do this timing with a wall, but don't have the core and overall muscle strength to stay in the middle of the room. I also would really like to soften my handstands, and be able to do some other variations. Now that my shoulders have worked out the majority of their kinks and injuries, inversions and arm balances is where it's at, baby! Pinca Mayurasana (Feathered Peacock Pose) in the middle of the room too would be supermagnifique.

I definitely have been feeling a little down lately, I think it's because of the amount I've been teaching, and then battling flu's has done a number on my immune system. But, I continuously learn about these downward spirals we must face and work through from other teachers and students, so I guess it's my turn to learn from one. Sometimes life isn't always absolutely fine... within. So, I'm working on embracing not feeling as optimistic and superb as I usually do (aren't I blessed though to feel that way usually? I do have to remind myself of that!), and trying to instead accept the blah feeling of this specific spiral.

It's funny, looking at June from the month's prior, I was super psyched for this month, knowing that I'd be studying with John Friend at the end of it, and I thought it'd be a superfly easy-breezy type of lead up. But, no, usually what happens prior to big events in my life, even if they're super awesome events, is that my body cleanses, be it physically (by getting sick), or mentaly or emotionally prior to. So, I guess the downward spiral and plateau came at just the right time, that's something to be greatful for, right?

As I work through this stagnation, I try to analyze my blah feeling, I'm trying to pinpoint what in my life is painful to my mind, body or spirit. I don't know if i have found the best words to describe the whole of it today, but I can say I pulled a tarot card in searching for the best way to describe what I'm currently working towards, where I aim to be after this plateau and downward spiral turn upwards. The card is the Chariot, and in the deck that I have (Mystical Faerie Tarot) they describe my current struggle so well, I must share the description!

The Chariot

Throughout our wanderings in the faeries garden, something in the sky may catch our attention. As we gaze upward, we might see a very self-assured fae driving an improbable yet lovely device drawn by two griffins.
The Charioteer fae illustrates a pretty amazing achievement. The black and white griffins represent opposite ideas, issues or situations. Instead of being pulled willy-nilly in two different directions, this fae controls both, apparently without much effort. The griffins appear to struggle a bit, as if unaccustomed to such harnessing. She, however, stands tall and straight, unafraid and master of the Chariot. ...
This same magic is available to humans, as well, in the form of our will. When we rise above the chaos around us, we can see the bigger picture and identify the main things that need our attention. Once we see our metaphorical griffins, we can confidently bring them under our control instead of feeling like a victim of circumstance.

Doesn't someone say that awareness is the first step in healing, change or transformation? Well, I'm ready to find out what the second step is, how to digest this information and continue to heal.

The Training Continues

2009-06-18T16:09:00.005-04:00

Well, now that I'm trying to practice moderation, I am contemplating to train, or not to train, where to spend my hard earned dollars, with what teachers to focus my hungry soul. It's confusing! If my money tree continued to flourish year-round, rain, sleet or snow, fresh $100 bills would grow for me to pick aplenty, I would do it all... but I need to respect the natural ebb and flow of finances, and see with who and when. There is also a lot starting to happen in the Toronto area Anusara-wise that I'm totally stoked about! John Friend kicks it off at the end of June, then there's Martin Kirk in September, I just heard Carlos Pomeda is coming for a philosophy weekend in November, Todd Norian in November as well... and when I normally choose to fly down to the southern stated for a little sun with my training, I see the Vancouver kula has blown up as well! There's lots of goodies happening over there too! Chris Chavez is doing a level 2 teacher training in December, the list is starting to get long.

When I started teaching, I literally taught to train. All my hard earned dollars went back into what I love most, studying yoga! Now I'm at a point that yes, I am a consummate student, but I'd also like some creature comforts in my life, maybe also a total vacation sans training? In order to allow these to be a part of my full lifestyle, I must practice moderation in my study. Maybe more personal study than paid trainings? Ho hum, the contemplations, the decisions. I really do need to study the Bhagavad Gita in more detail. Little study challenges at home? But then where's the kula in that? Part of the joy of Anusara, is that you're surrounded by a whole bunch of as excited and as enthused individuals about philosophy and asana and stuff. Maybe I need to create a little study group in Toronto? That might be fun.

Well, the countdown to John Friend has begun, and hopefully in 7 days some more clarity along my moderate path will occur.

A Super Cool Vulnerable Mess!

2009-06-17T12:36:00.005-04:00

Okay, I realize it's been eons since I've written last, and I gotta say time flies when you've been hit with a bug! I continuously have to remind myself to keep on the preventative wagon in boosting my immune system, since I'm in contact with so many people throughout the week. One of my private student's kids caught the flu, hence, I caught the flu from my student, and oh ya, they caught it too. It was a nasty one that's for sure, high temperature fever for two days, didn't fully leave my system for another two... yuck! And of course being bed-ridden for that amount of time left me a whole lotta contemplatin' to do.

I really want to make it a priority in the next couple of weeks to try to lessen my teaching load, so I can have a more balanced work week. Maybe my immune system wouldn't have been so low, if I wasn't teaching up such a storm all the time. It's interesting, now that I put my body, mind and soul into what I do as a career, it really does take a whole lot out of you if you're not careful! So, that's my priority at this point in time. Balance out my work schedule in order that I can still practice regularly, and have some time off. Yippee! I can't wait.

Also, I had to cancel the Montreal trip. I just didn't think it was the best time for me to go off gallavanting while I'm just boosting my immune system yet again. There will always be another event, like, ahem - the next weekend in Toronto! I'm also helping out at the registration table for the event, so if you're going to it, holla at me! I truly believe that this year in my studies of Anusara and yoga in general, I really want to delve deeper into the philosophy and meditation areas. So, I'm currently weighing my options, searching out different teachers and opportunities to help me stabilize and fortify myself, in order for me to ride the currents of life a little easier.

I tend to sometimes get under the INVINCIBLE hat in my yoga practice, in my life. I feel so strong within, that I just keep on going, and going, and pushing, and pushing. When in actuality, I am merely human, no Superwoman here. I love to think that I have super powers, but when I then need them the most they're nowhere to be found. SO - my challenge for the rest of the year is to be a super cool VULNERABLE mess! Ha ha! To embrace my growing sensitivity, and make it an awesome part of me. I think this would be best found with a meditation teacher... any recommendations? Someone hopefully around my neck of the woods?

But until then, I'm trying to practice moderation... not taking every single teaching opportunity that comes my way, letting some go, knowing that I'm giving another teacher a class or two. I got this awesome definition of moderation recently, "the avoidance of extremes of opinion, feeling or personal conduct." What?? But I'm an EXTREME QUEEN, a passionate player! Well, how else can I challenge Miss Invincible? Okay, okay, I'm taking my Cold FX, my Vitamin C, and a healthy dose of contemplating my breath, my navel, my third eye, whichever. Time to fortify from within without relying on my healthy ego too much.

Vibrational Balance

2009-06-04T14:06:00.003-04:00

So this week I have challenged myself to open up the Spanda Karikas text and commentary and read it twice, one to get some comprehension, and the second time to digest it. This is the text that I'll be studying with John Friend in Montreal at the end of June as part of a philosophy intensive. I actually purchased the book about two months ago, but it was really difficult for me to get into it, obviously it not being the right time. I had my head all wrapped up into completion of trainings and hours, getting evaluated for my new teaching status, how could I read and learn about the incredibly well crafted natural balance of the universe? Ha!

Well, I haven't written in a while because I've had some more time for calm and contemplation. Of course, after dealing with my "what's next" syndrome for a week afterwards, debating about all the things I should fil up my time in doing now that I have less training requirements, I sat down, drank a couple of glasses of wine, and realized it's summer. I'm allowing myself to take it easy. Yay! What better time than to start reading about this incredible pulsation, or as Daniel Odier in his translation calls spanda, this sacred tremor. This continuous vibration of expansion and contraction that can be seen in the breath, in the ebb and flow of life, within everything.

It's interesting how the more I get into wellness, the more I aspire to be this pinnacle of health, this avid yoga practitioner, vegetarian, avid meditator. Then I begin to limit what I do, if friends ask me to go out for dinner and drinks, I have a list of requirements. I have to have organic vegetarian options available, and do we really have to imbibe in alcohol? I teach early the next day, how late were we planning to go out for? When in acutality, a part of me wants to continuously rebel, to go and eat a chicken shawarma once in a while, or to occasionally bring home a bottle of wine for some laughter and conversation with my roomate. Wouldn't that bring me more into balance? By accepting myself today, cravings, debauchery and all - and knowing that by not continuously striving towards this perfect picture of unobtainable health, I may actually have gotten into closer contact with this divine pulsation, gotten more into contact with this incredibly beautiful state. Wow. I must say, within these couple of weeks I have tested the theory. I have allowed myself to continue with my sweaty, fun-filled, shakti enhancing yoga practices, I continue to eat delicious organic produce with lots of fresh veggies. But, when the universe has brought me time with my friends in the form of a celebration, when I have gone to barbeques where only meat has been offered, I HAVE BEEN OKAY WITH THIS.

Who is the most judgemental on our levels of debauchery? We are. No one else cares. Depending on how much health and wellness we have brought into our lifestyle, a set of standards and contractive qualities came along for the ride. As I've practiced softening my standards and being okay with the occasional shorter amount of sleep to embrace quality time with good weather and good friends, I have found more expansiveness, more openness, and the ability to let go. What?! I know!! It's pretty wild. I've seen this within my practice, within my body treatments, I've seen the results!

I went and got a shiatsu treatment on Friday, which I absolutely love, for they are understanding of this divine pulsation of life within you, and help to clear up the obstructions to this natural flow of energy within. I notified her prior to the treatment that I stepped away from my path of the straight and narrow, and have really tried to embrace this spherical, tantric way of thinking, allowing myself the occasional debauch. Throughout the treatment she continued to exclaim how open I am since my last treatment, it was a different body! I now remember back to when I first started going to shiatsu, and whenever she pressed on the meridian points that related to my liver, I was in such pain. So, I decided last fall to do a liver cleanse, I didn't like how blocked my liver felt in the treatments. For a month I cut out everything - coffee, alcohol, and even changed my eating times and habits. I felt so pure and clean and wholesome. I came back shining into my treatment after the cleanse, and when my shiatsu therapist got to the liver points I was surprised to still feel pain, and it then increased to my gallbladder points as well! I was preplexed and frustrated, which I had no qualms in voicing to her. I worked so hard in limiting all toxins, and my liver still was not happy! My therapist then said, "To keep your liver in balance it requires some toxins in order to function. So I know, it seems unfair, but you must find moderation, instead of the extremity either way."

We're a health-obsessed, weight-loss crazed, fanatical organic eating, wellness society. No doubt our culture would even take being healthy to the extreme. I laugh as I continuously am reminded that it's not about how much you do it, how great you do it, but in this balance of accepting who you are and what feels right for you. All extremes, be they debaucherous or healthy can be detrimental to yourself, to your connection with this incredible power and awareness of that goodness within me, you and everyone else.

Yesterday's Master Class with Michael Siddall continued to highlight this theme to me. I asked him to work towards eka pada rajakapotasana, the full posture. I have never been able to get it before, I have either been too stuck in the stiffness of my shoulders, the lack of fullness and openness in my chest, and numerous other physical and mental blocks. Well lo and behold, my spanda studies have now shown themselves within my practice! I got into the full posture, oh yes, plus did other poses within the class that I never thought I could do, like handstand backbending far away from the wall, or scorpion, king pigeon 2 in a deep lunge, I just continued to surprise myself with this newfound movement between finding strength to stabilize and softness to open into more advanced postures.

So, no, I am not telling everyone out there that you must balance a hard yoga practice with bottles of alcohol. I am just asking to try to think outside the box of what we think optimal health is. I've had to take that box and tear it open, trying to find something to comprehend within all this newfound space. This is what I've come up with thus far.

Gratitude and Inspiration

2009-05-20T10:26:00.003-04:00

Well, the waiting game is partially over. I got the acceptance email last night from the Anusara yoga headquarters... I'm in! I've been accepted to represent myself as an Anusara-Inspired teacher! I am overwhelmed, a little in shock, and super pleased with myself. Ha ha! I admit it! Well, gosh darn it, I've worked so long and ridiculously hard for this, and now, it's time for me to bask a bit in the glory of it, prior to me reverting back to goal-oriented, "what's next" mode. It's funny, it's a change in my teaching status, and a change in how I advertise my classes, but I feel it has already affected my teaching. I feel more solid in my representation of this beautiful method.

I wanted to thank my teachers, first off, Michael Siddall. Through his teaching and guidance, he made me fall in love with Anusara, made me commit fully to wanting to teach it, and also to continue improving my dedication to my own practice along the way. I know I would not be the teacher I am today without his help, and continuous reminders that I am a shining star during the downward spirals along this path. Also I would like to thank my U.S. teacher, Christina Sell. The mixture of her feminine strength, incredible knowledge and raw openness is what I aspire to be as a teacher, and especially off my mat, in my own life. She not only has aided me in honing my skills as a teacher, but looking through the lens at my practice of yoga and writing as a picture of service to others and to myself. I have also had the opportunity to study with many incredible teachers who have all affected my teaching, my studentship and my life. I thank them all for entering my life just at the right time.

It's truly breathtaking what the universe brings to you as you continue to align with it. This natural ebb and flow, pulsation and breath that unites me with the people and experiences around me. As I continue to dive deeper into this divine connection, I look back onto where I have been, all the wonderful mistakes I have made. Without those mistakes and downward spirals, I would not know how to climb up out of the hole of despair and work towards improving my connection to my truest self. I am full with gratitude as I am with inspiration.

Breathing in, I smile.

Breathing out, I release.

Dwelling in this present moment,

This really is a wonderful moment.

-Thich Nhat Hanh

Long Weekend Delight

2009-05-18T13:48:00.003-04:00

I think this is the first time in years that I have had actually a long weekend! Prior to working as a yoga teacher, I worked in the salon industry, with a schedule from Tuesday to Saturday, so no long weeekends there, and even when I worked in the bar industry, long weekends were busy and important to work. This Victoria Day Weekend, I taught only one class on Saturday, and one class on Sunday, and today is my first official FULL day off in over a month! So, yes, this is momentous, I have actually been able to enjoy a long weekend, and I must say, they rock!

Saturday night, it was the first night I had a bunch of my friends come over to my new place for a barbeque. It also worked out perfectly, because my closest friends were returning to Italy the next day for the rest of the summer, so it was a lovely fest. Partially introducing my roomate to my friends and me meeting her friends, and as well a going away party for my Italian buds. It was a magical evening, filled with delicious food (I'd share the menu, but I'm already salivating just thinking of it!), music, laughter, a perfect introduction into summer.

I love summer in Toronto. The city and the people come alive, for FINALLY we have nice weather. It's a celebration for three months straight. So, I have decided to travel to Montreal in June to study with John Friend in Montreal and Toronto, but to forego my trip to Vancouver in August. Why travel during the best time in T.O.? This way, I can leave my travels to when Toronto gets yucky and cold again, when I'll be itching for more sun. For now, there are parties and events coming left right and centre to me, I feel it's finally time to come out of sweatpants and hibernation mode and time to have some Toronto fun!

Challenges and Patience

2009-05-12T22:36:00.004-04:00

I caught a stomach flu a couple days after my cleanse, and had a total second cleanse... yuk! But after much needed acidophilus and some TLC from my sister (she came over and gave me reiki and back rubs, and made me meals and gave me lots of apple juice), I'm finally feeling better. Whew! What a wild beginning to May, from cleansing, to getting sick and feeling weak, to challenging myself to practicing six days of yoga with a hectic schedule, for a quiet month, it's been quite physically challenging. I have also recently pulled some muscles in my back on the right side, so have had to lessen the amount of challenging yoga practices to more restorative and gentle yoga. I LOVE to challenge myself physically, so to gentle up my routine is difficult in itself. But, with all the excitement of cleansing and the 30 Day Transformation at Kula, I may have been pushing myself too much. Why is the balance in my physical body such a difficult goal? I want strength, I want flexibility, and I want the balance of the two.

Well, a total balance is not going to occur. I was talking recently with one of my students about how she's eating well, and working out regularly plus practicing yoga and running, and continuous injuries or ailments arise to stop her with her progress. I wonder, is progress truly perfect health? And what is perfect health anyways? How does that differ from optimal health? The dictionary describes optimal as most favourable, or desirable. Yes, I do have optimal health. During this most favourable state though, I find your body checks in, asks you to deal with new injuries or ailments to remind you what is most desirable, to keep you patient and loving of your body. To understand that optimal is not perfection, it is an ideal. Your health is never perfect, it continues to fluctuate, hence yoga being a lifelong practice. A practice of balancing the daily fluctuations physically, mentally and emotionally. I am starting to understand more and more that all these "promises" you see some studios give of losing weight, and improved muscular strength, blah blah blah. What yoga promises to me is having the knowledge and enhanced awareness to continue to practice. Knowing that there is no physical goal, I can just continue to roll out my mat on a regular basis, aiding me in finding some balance within my life, within my body at that moment, that day. Sure, if I lose some weight, improve my strength, calm my mind in the process, fantastic! But I need to be patient with my body, knowing that it is continuously changing and transforming on a regular basis. More and more I find I don't need these mini challenges, but instead of a 30 Day Transformation, commit to a Lifelong Transformation. I have fallen in love with the practice itself, the dedication it requires and what it leads you to - meditation, pranayama, and all those other magical doors that begin to open as you continue to embrace the day, the moment, the present.

I feel calm and settled, even if I am sore. For I know that tomorrow I have my practice, and in that knowing is comfort.

Success Along the Way

2009-05-06T17:58:00.004-04:00

Had an awesome practice today with Michael Sidall and friends at our weekly master class. It was a free-for-all, lots of arm balances, hand stand workshops to gaining strength for press-ups, and a little backbend with some great time spent in my two faves - headstand and shoulderstand! Yippee! First day I'm off my cleanse, and ontop of feeling fantastic, I feel my practice has changed as well. I come to the mat with more softness, or something, a tad more lighthearted than my strongwilled nature is used to. I even attempted in class today (with a little falling of course) some postures that I usually veer away from, since I "know" I can't do them. So, try, try, try again. It's proved well for me in other postures, which I was reminded of when I demo-ed handstand today and Michael said, "think back 10 months ago, how was your handstand then?" So, yes, I still have difficulty with piking up into handstand, but 10 months ago I had no handstand! With numerous shoulder issues resurfacing within my yoga practice, kicking up was my goal at that time. I have to continuously remind myself how far I have come with my physical injuries and limitations within my yoga practice. Another one of my teachers, Cynthia, who also takes the master class, even commented when I was demo-ing tittibhasana (firefly pose), "I cannot believe what a different set of shoulders I'm looking at! Wow! In such a short time!" It's Anusara, man! I'm hooked! Those gosh-darned alignment principles which are so fantastically brilliant really WORK!

It's funny, I've been so focussed on the teaching of Anusara recently, with going up for my Anusara-Inspired and all, that it was refreshing to be reminded of why I am so devoted to this style. Yes, I am continuously empowered in each class from fantastic themes woven through the class by creative teachers, but (as Marinella says) OH MY APPLE PIE, my body has changed, transformed and healed in such a small amount of time! I still have some ways to go, but I loved being reminded about it today. I remember the first all arm-balancing class I took with Michael. I was so frustrated that I couldn't do what the rest of the class was doing. My body simply wasn't participating. I was frowning, angry and disappointed in myself. I remember walking through the city afterwards (thank goodness it was cold, and I was all bundled up) BAWLING. Yes, me, the stoic and strong Josie was sobbing uncontrollably out of the sheer frustration of the class. And now, fast forward a little less than a year later, and I was the one who REQUESTED an arm balancing class! Wow!

There was a time when I didn't want to face my fears, and arm balances for me not only allowed me to face them, but threw them smack in my face! I had to begin to acknowledge my issues with perfectionism, me being an honours student, who has always excelled at what I do, found that I couldn't perfect this. I had to come out of a comfort zone I didn't even know I had created, and comprehend that this was good for me.

So, yes, a year can seem like a small amount of time to others to dramatically advance my practice, but it was hard emotional and mental as well as physical work. I had to go deep within to understand why my body was not allowing me to progress. It felt like EONS passed, not just a year!

Today I pat myself on the back. Not because my physical practice is perfect, but because I have grown and progressed on all levels. As Noah Maze said quite succinctly in Austin, "physical mastery does not equal spiritual superiority". So I have let go of this need to have a perfect practice, and look towards my personal practice as a gateway to open my heart and heal on all levels, physical, mental and emotional.

Manifestation begins with Transformation

2009-05-04T18:00:00.004-04:00

I don't know if it's because of the cleanse I'm on, or the recent teacher training I went to, or maybe it's a combination of both - but my teaching has recently reached a different level of clarity. I am starting to really understand the Anusara method, and how it truly leaves so much beautiful room for the teacher's personality. As I continue to practice with different teacher's I continue to have this fact highlighted more so. Though we are working with the incredible Universal Principles of Alignment, and very specific ways of teaching to empower and uplift our students, how this comes about in a public class can be unique to the teacher. When I first committed to studying and teaching Anusara, I was overwhelmed by what was required from a teacher, and confused how I could still be my unique self. Well, I guess it's true what they say about experience and time with anything! After two years of integrating this method into my body and into my classes, I truly appreciate the uniqueness and beauty of myself and of Anusara yoga. I am so dedicated to continuing to teach and experience my yogic journey with this style!

Kula Yoga Studio has been my rock these past months, I feel so blessed to be a part of the team. The energy in the studio is so supportive, loving and fun, which translates both ways, from the students and the teachers. If you haven't been by to check it out, please come join this budding community! Currently I have signed up for their first 30-Day Transformation. It's a challenge to practice yoga 6 days per week, plus incorporate proper nutrition and meditation into your daily lifestyle. I love how when this occurred (it began on May 1st), I was already into Day 5 of a cleanse, and then, I started a new private session with a student that was interested in solely meditation and pranayama. I love how energetically the universe was supporting me in this transformative month, synching me up with what was going on at the studio. So yes, I'm on Day 8 of my 9-day Isagenix cleanse, but on Day 4 of my 30-Day Transformation, woohoo!

I think all this change within this month is preparing me for larger goals to manifest into my life. I sent in my application for Anusara-Inspired teaching status today, so it's now just the waiting game. I also am looking to get a Macbook and start up my own website, and am trying to manifest me going to South America for my birthday, possibly leaping onboard John Friend's tour there. So, I can do it, I can do it, it will happen, it will happen!

Liberté ultime - Ultimate Freedom

2009-04-30T15:31:00.004-04:00

Ultimate Freedom tour French style, here I come! Okay, well not really right now. I just got my acceptance emails for the weekend workshop and phiosophy intensive John Friend is teaching in Montreal in June, so super magnifique! I am excited... Also, I haven't been to Montreal since I think I was eighteen or so, so it'll be nice to once again appreciate the little slice of Europe we have right in Canada. Montreal boasts the first Anusara teacher certified in Canada, Robin Golt, and I'm very excited to start expanding my kula from Toronto, Tucson and Texas (Austin baby!) across Canada this summer. So Montreal and Vancouver, here I come! I have also finally completed ALL the prerequisites for Anusara-Inspired teaching status, and am overjoyed to have my teacher give his blessing (and assessment form of my class) for me to hand in my application. All I need to do is this Friday my friend will be taking some shots of me, so I can send in a recent photo with my package.

So the end of April has been a whirlwind of endings as well as beginnings, gotta love the full circle of life. And entering into this summer a la John Friend, with ultimate freedom being the theme for his tour, I'm ready to express, celebrate and embrace! Which means of course, cleanse time! If you have not heard of Isagenix, or tried this cleanse before, I highly recommend it! I'm on the 9 Day cleanse right now, but there is also a 30 Day one if you're hardcore. Why do I cleanse, you ask? Well, I do eat healthy and am vegetarian, and practice yoga regularly, but as anyone, I have my vices. My current ones have been caffeine and sugar. Yes, I love caffeinated teas, the occasional coffee, and lots of dark chocolate, and sometimes the not so dark. This cleanse helps reduce cravings, but more importantly reminds me of the incredible flavours of nutrient rich foods and cleanses my system of toxic buildup. You can check it out online at http://isagenix.com/, very cool!

Well, I'm off to stick my nose into the Spanda Karikas (The Song of the Sacred Vibration) once again, the philosophical text I'll be studying with John this June. I'm right now reading the easiest commentary out there, for it's some heady stuff, I tell ya. Heady, heavy, but absolutely life shifting, transformational stuff. Okay, I'm off!

Ship High In Transit

2009-04-26T00:50:00.006-04:00

I just returned from Austin, and cannot believe I'm still awake. What a incredible three-day journey. Christina Sell and Noah Maze were a humourous and wisdom-filled dynamic duo - I got all my teaching questions answered, and more! I feel like I have a thorough understanding of what is required in the Anusara method of teaching, and feel so honoured to continue to refine and hone my skills in teaching this style.

The beauty of this training did not stop at the daily learning and intentions. It continued through the warm hospitality of my wonderful friend Catherine, opening up her beautiful home to the group, as well as housing me and the Tucson gang. It was great to catch up with Matt, Kat and Rachel, part of my Arizona kula, to eat delicious meals, to engage in playful practice, to laugh and laugh a little bit more. We tanned, and swam, and hot-tubbed as we discussed the trials, tribulations and ecstatic moments of recognition along this path of simultaneous student and teacher.

I had the priviledge of practicing with Christina in two of her public classes while I was there, and to see how all these teachings translated into a real class setting was a gift. She has such power and clarity in her teaching. Throughout my teaching journey, there have been times when I have doubted my capabilities as a teacher. I don't possess a soft and flowery voice, I may not have a sinewy and slim body and have the ideal practice. But does my passion translate? Do I inspire and empower my own students? To hear Noah and Christina speak of this downward spiral of self-doubt be a true and relevant experience that continues to plague you throughout the years, no matter how knowledgeable and efficient you are, was a huge comfort. I realized that without that doubt, I would be complacent in my teaching and not possess the drive to further hone my skills, to continue to be the student always. As Prashant Iyengar says, "learn to learn, learn to teach, teach to teach and teach to learn."

What an exciting time this is for me. To take the golden nuggets and help of these great teachers and apply it to what I do every day. On the mat, off the mat, in the seat of the teacher and of the student. And to my growing kula, my Anusara support network, until next time! I will see you when I need to, and know that your kindness and grace is with me always. Thank you!

Cleansing and Heat Here I Come!

2009-04-20T10:24:00.005-04:00

I'm heading out to Austin, Texas tomorrow for a fun-filled four nights and three days of yoga Christina Sell-style. It's been a whirlwhind of a journey this year thus far, and my quest for Anusara-Inspired teaching status has culminated in this quick excursion to heat-filled Texas. Literally, it will be an average of 30 C every day I'm there, so I'm preparing to sweat (yippee!), and also I'll be around teachers and students who have such dedication and tapas to their practice. I'm looking forward to being uplifted and empowered as a teacher, and to treat myself to some good and sweaty asana practices while I'm there. This past month has been a whirlwhind, and I look forward to cleansing physically, mentally and emotionally while I'm away. I think I'm going to start an Ayurvedic kicharee cleanse for the duration of my stay, with an emphasis on lots of bitter greens. As well, the sun and the heat will help, I truly have been made for a hotter climate and miss it terribly. But, no worries, I will get to to heat throughout my travels, and in the future, hope to live in it year round. These next years during my certification process, will be the beginning of a journey within and without, opening my heart and learning to receive the bounty the world has to offer. But also, in learning where I need to end up settling, for hot weather and the ocean have been singing my song for a long time now.

So, Anusara-Inspired here I come. As Marcia lovingly quoted from Darren Rhodes, this process is simply another beginning. I'm looking forward to glimpsing what I feel I am on the cusp of this week. So, today, I pack my bags and wait, for cleansing and heat are just around the corner!

Attachment to Pleasure - Raga in Action!

2009-04-13T13:38:00.006-04:00

I haven't been as regularly posting as I usually have in the past this month, but I blame it on me (1) moving out, and mainly (2) not having regular access to a computer this month. I'm planning on picking up my new baby, a MacBook, once I return from Austin at the end of the month, but until then, I'm on borrowed laptops and the occasional email check at work. More changes to my teaching schedule this month, I believe this is set for a while now, and I feel that my teaching is now balanced nicely throughout the week, giving me proper time for my own practice. I'm still struggling with comprehending what is best for my body in terms of amount of practice, since I do tend to demo in each class I teach as well. Any reccomendations or words of wisdom from other teachers wold be greatly appreciated. With a full teaching schedule, and a regular practice, how do you balance the two? How many advanced practices do you throw in there? I guess each and every person's body is different, and my challenge is to listen to what my body is saying over my mind. Easier said than done!

I am planning to send in my application for my Anusara-Inspired status at the end of the month, and I FINALLY feel really good about it. It's funny how I've been so committed to this during the past two years, but when it's finally just around the corner, I get cold feet. I began to doubt my teaching, began to doubt my ability to teach Anusara. That is what I love about this style. I feel honoured to teach it. The standards and quality of the teachers are so high and respected in my eyes, that to enter within it myself is a hugely self-effacing journey. This little mini teacher training I'm heading to in Austin next week will be a great check-in for me, seeing how I've been able to assimilate the principles I learned in the Level 1 last May almost a year later. Get ready Christina, I have a list of teaching questions that I'm coming with, and hope to have most if not all of them answered! (Yes, WARNING to Christina Sell and Noah Maze, passionate pitta is flying into Austin to glean as much as she can from both of you within 20 hours...)

Also, another HUGE event (I'm loving the CAPS key today) I'm looking forward to is (drumroll please) John Friend's Canadian tour this summer! Yippee! I haven' had the opportunity as of yet to study with John directly, having just rode the wave of his shakti from other esteemed Anusara teachers, as well as got a little peek of him in action on the10-DVD teacher training with him... so I am super excited to study with the man himself on a couple of his stops throughout Canada. I'm planning on studying with him in Montreal, Toronto and Vancouver, and look forward to meeting the rest of the growing Canadian kula! I know it'll come up before I know it, so I'm gearing up already... My big project for May when Mercury is in Retrograde is to transfer all my Anusara notes and juicy tidbits from all my trainings over these past years onto a backup computer copy, which will be a great way to revisit all of the nuggets of tejas once again. All will not come about until MacBook is purchased though, shall I name her? I dunno, I hear from others who have recently went down that road that you get quite attached to your litle laptop that could... I guess I will be practicing one of the kleshas regularly (as if I'm not already!), raga here I come!

But summer is all about pleasure, it's my season (being the hot pitta that I am), and I look forward to the sunshine, the heat, the sweat, the laughter and the adventures. This past year in Toronto has been long, arduous and CHILLY, and I'm crossing my fingers for HEAT to match my tapas (burning desire and commitment) to my yogic lifestyle.

I'm looking forward to my little sneak peek of great weather and adventures to come next week in Austin, to my West Coast kula, see you soon, and to my Canadian kula, looking forward to meeting more of you this summer!

Unpacking and Waiting

2009-04-07T14:50:00.003-04:00

I'm finally beginning to settle into my new digs. Living out of boxes as I rushed around the city teaching people to be balanced and calm within their lives was quite the oxymoron. Now the fun part begins. The designing of my bedroom, finding the litle chatchkas that speak to me oh so deeply. Once I get my room looking a little more showable I'll have to post some pics up here for y'all to see. For now, you can simply be content on knowing that I'm more conveniently located in the city, have a great roomate, and an incredibly sattvic, calm and peaceful home environment. I am literally five minutes subway ride away from Kula studio, and only approx. 20 mins. away from Balance, yippee! Ooh- and did I say that it has an awesome big kitchen where I can cook lots of yummy good-for-you dishes? That's the best part!

I'm presently waiting for my bed frame to be delivered, and surfing online checking out different chests of drawers, trying to debate between function and fashion. April is a month known for it's spring cleaning, my family is in the midst of cleaning for Passover, so it's a nice feeling, this newness and freshness of my new place, and new furniture. I cannot believe that time has flown, for I took a look on my agenda and see that I'm off to Austin, Texas in two weeks! Yippee! Looking forward to catching up with west coast friendlies, and looking forward to coming to this teacher training with Christina Sell and Noah Maze with a list of questions in hand.

The amount of other teacher's viewing my class recently has increased, and it's been wonderful and daunting all at the same time to receive such positive feedback with constructive criticism. I know my areas that I need to work on, and look forward to some AHA! moments in Texas. Oh, and the nice weather will help. Today I had to put my winter jacket and boots back on, for yes, there was SNOW on the ground this morning! When it gets to be these blah days, I continuously try to remind myself that these dark and dreary days are needed as contrast, in order for us to appreciate the bright, sushiney days even more so. So, as I sit here patiently waiting, I remember what Krishna Das said in his concert last Saturday, that we live in the jungle of the plants that have grown from all the seeds we have planted (He said it more eloquently than I did, or did he?). These dark times are put here for us to plant more seeds. So as I look forward to the sun, I see myself rooting down into this new abode, feeling the new life and hope under my feet in this part of my journey.

Revelations on the Heart

2009-03-30T11:10:00.005-04:00

Open Your Heart is to open large enough to accommodate and accept the imperfections of others as well as ourselves. I've been hurt many times in the past with men, as well with love - love in my home felt conditional, and that affected how I viewed it. My heart is so warm and loving, but I had to protect it and care for it, it was fragile and bruised. Yoga and the unconditional love of friends and family has helped me to begin to open my heart once again. Teaching Anusara yoga is an immensely challenging journey. It has confronted all of my misconceptions of perfection be it in me or in others.

This month I have learned immensely from me teaching. I found that whatever I intuitively felt I needed to teach about, I was meant to learn as well. What I cover in class is what I'm currently working on, be it physical, mental or emotional. It's begun to boggle my mind how I can work so wholeheartedly on teaching to embrace your vulnerabilities and difficulties in class and practice it on my own mat, but when it comes to manifesting a romantic partner, I become picky again and have specific standards.

I understand there are many soul mates for us, that aide and challenge us to open our hearts throughout our life. I believe that one is special enough to love and accept you just as you are - and - is willing to work with you to open and trust in the beauty and love surrounding us even more. So I shout out to God, my angels, my universe - I relinquish all of my "needs" or wants in a partner. I am starting to understand that my partner will highlight the beauty within me and understand my imperfections, so I commit to giving the same unconditional love to them.

Love is all around me. I don't have to search for it, I simply need to open to it.

Perfect Vulnerability

2009-03-21T22:45:00.003-04:00

What an incredible week! Divine magic was at it again. Giving me sign after sign that I am truly guided throughout my life. I found an apartment, I had my teacher observe one of my classes for my Anusara-Inspired status, and I met some great new students and learned more about some old ones. I love my job! Sometimes I must admit, it is difficult to stay inspired, for the routine of teaching many classes comes over me, but then seeing the smile and hearing the thank you from a new student, or connecting more deeply with a regular one reignites my passion and commitment to teaching. All I can do is take one class at a time and see where it leads me.

So far, it has led me to having my teacher observe my class, what an odd experience! I am usually so comfortable in the seat of the teacher, I was so calm, had a great class planned, and then the nerves hit me. Luckily the students didn't catch on, but I was a bundle of nervous energy within! It reminded me back to my days of obsession with perfection, I wanted to get an "A+" on my "exam". Except, this wasn't an exam, it's a class that flows organically, and a grade cannot be given. Feedback and constructive criticism most definitely, but a mark? No. After the ordeal, and receiving some great feedback and pointers on what to work on this year with my teaching, I was left in a daze. I felt like a huge weight had been lifted, all this energy and work leading up to this moment, and it was all done! But then I started to think of what I was supposed to have done, and what didn't come out of my mouth during the class, what I should have said. I recently heard that "supposed to" is a reckless form of punishment from society. I know I tend to think about too much what is hidden, and I need to focus on seeing just what is!

I think back upon what got me interested in Anusara in the first place. The soft acceptance, the open-heartedness, the challenging encouragement. I connected to teachers who spoke from the heart, who opened themselves up to their students, connected by stating that they were working through things just like me. They were vulnerable, raw and meaningful. I want to be that kind of teacher. I have all the technical knowledge, the sequencing, the demeanour. But what I aim to acheive is something I cannot learn from a book. To teach from my heart, I need to open my heart. I need to be okay with showing who I really am to a classful of individuals just like me. No pretenses, just being as open about all the difficulties as well as my successes. The stories of how I overcame fears, body image issues, or self-destructive behaviour.

I know I am a good teacher. It is now time for me to let go of my issues of perfection, and embrace my vulnerabilities. For by me allowing myself to just be, imperfections and all, I will begin to truly understand the meaning of purnattva, wholeness and perfection.

The day after, I taught from my heart - it was real, imperfect and filled with shri (beauty). I am slowly understanding what I enjoy to share, and the words are beginning to clarify. This new part of my journey is an exciting one, and with all my additional trainings and workshops coming up this year with Christina Sell and John Friend, I continue to teach just one class at a time, knowing that my world can shift once again as soon as tomorrow.

So, I celebrate today, I am greatful for my past, and I look forward to what's to come. This next week will be a whirlwind of activity, with packing to move out for April Fool's, and teaching for Earth Hour, I feel the light around me, I sense the magic within and without.

Happy Spring everyone!

Taxing Procrastination

2009-03-16T11:35:00.002-04:00

Okay, this is the longest lingering cold ever. I usually am back on my feet in a couple of days, but as soon as I feel better, the next day, I'm back to sounding like a foghorn. So, I'm embracing today as my get better and feel better day, taking my "weekend" day to completely relax... and do my taxes. Well, I should try to stay productive, right? Maybe make a little kicharee, sort some receipts... Gotta love tax season. Well, let me rephrase that, I used to love it, when it was easy! This self-employed thing takes much longer, especially when I literally threw every receipt I got into a plastic bag, expecting them to magically sort themselves into neat, categorized piles. You know, like some little worker tax elves while you're asleep. Okay, so I was wrong, and I must become the little worker elf, so the tedious task of receipt sorting and organizing expenses has begun. I promise to myself that this year will be different, really! No plastic bags, just nice files, and weekly sorting and stapling and organizing. Ummm, maybe I should stop procrastinating and start...

Cold Contemplation

2009-03-13T16:43:00.004-04:00

It's taken me a while to get back to writing, since it feels that every day I've had more and more to do. I've had to take it a little easier this week, having canceled a bunch of my classes and privates to take care of myself. Yup, Miss Invincible has been hit by a common cold, a bug that has wiped me from any teaching power I may possess. I tend to get colds when there are big changes coming or having just occurred. My body is obviously trying to take a respite to fortify me for the business to come. My classes have recently expanded, and my teacher will be observing one of my classes in the upcoming week for my Anusara-Inspired status. Yup, the big teaching designation that I have been working towards these past years is slowly rearing it's ominous head. I'll get some much appreciated feedback on my teaching style, plus have the opportunity to send in my application. Wow.

On top of all that, I'm looking still for an apartment in Toronto, and it's starting to hit home the magnitude of it all. Back to being fully independent. Having to purchase furniture and more to fill my new home with. I'm finally settling, yikes! I'm trying to come to terms with it all. I have a great career, and will soon have a lovely little place to call my own. No more hemming and hawing if I'm staying in Toronto or not - I've settled. Even if the future may hold something different, in the present I have made up my mind to stay. Little fears begin to pop up, will I be able to do it? Will I be able to settle while still holding onto my freedom? A friend of mine recently said that she looked upon moving into her own place as a vacation. I'm trying to shape it in my head as such. A retreat, a spa-like abode where I can go and meditate, and be sheltered from the city craziness. I am in constant contact with a multitude of people, so I aim to have a place of humble solitude.

Well, I'm off to have yet another piece of dry toast and tea, since that's all that my cold wants of me. I thank my body for times of illness, times to contemplate what has been accomplished and what is yet to come.

New Beginnings and a little commercial

2009-03-03T22:10:00.005-05:00

Wow, my past week was powerful. I felt like I've truly come full circle. Usually when that happens, new beginnings follow, so I feel very new, fresh. I sub-taught a class at the yoga studio where I began my studies in Anusara last Thursday. I was overwhelmed by how solid I felt in the seat of the teacher. Having gone into that same room as a student for teacher trainings, workshops and public classes, I finally shifted my mat in the other direction. After leading a beautiful class inspired by all my great teachers, I felt confirmed. Later on the same day, I was given additional classes at the lovely studio I teach at regularly, Kula Annex. Could the universe reward my growth so beautifully? As many of my teachers have headed on down to Tucson for the advanced intensive and teacher's intensive with John Friend, I ended up with a pile of subbing jobs this week, which have kept me busier than usual. Sub-teaching is always fun in moderation. Being able to meet new groups of students who I may not regularly come into contact with, such fun!

I'm in a good space. I'm open to whatever is around the bend, I feel grounded and firm in what I have built in Toronto, my growing kula, my family of yogis. As my spirit continues to soar, I look around me and see that I am not alone on this journey.

Oh, and yes, there is a slight commercial on the far right. If you're in Toronto at the end of the month, I would love your energy as part of an event at Kula. I'll be teaching a candle-lit 2-hour practice on Saturday evening for Earth Hour. My best friend Lani will be accompanying me on live jambe drums. All proceeds go to charity.

Vulnerable attraction

2009-02-23T23:33:00.004-05:00

Ever since I returned from Tucson, I've been feeling extra emotional. For example, on the plane ride home I was watching a movie preview for a new film with Joshua Jackson about Canada, and there was these two travelers that look at him and say, "you live in the most beautiful country in the world". I almost bawled right there! So yes, I've gotten more in touch with my soft, open side, and it feels like I'm meeting and getting to know my vulnerabilities in greater detail. For instance, this idea of beauty. I've realized I've been chasing beauty for decades, trying to capture it on film, or highlighting it on people with my work in the salon industry. Always surrounding myself with beautiful people, pretty things. As I made the change over to yoga teacher, I come across beauty all the time, but a deeper understanding and meaning of beauty. I get touched by inner beauty on a regular basis. Am I lucky or what?!

Shri. Divine beauty that emanates from everything. I am overwhelmed by it, but so in love with it. Then this takes me to the question of chemistry. I am a naturally magnetic individual, but when the appreciation of beauty, inner or outer changes into an attraction, what does that mean? If I feel chemistry between me and another, is it simply an openness and connection to their grace, to their inner beauty? I was reading how Michael Stone discusses brahmacharya, one of the ethical restraints that is practiced in Patanjali's eight limbs of yoga. "Brahmacharya for the monk means celibacy while for the householder it refers to the wise use of energy, especially sexual. .. This includes much more than not having sex that harms others, because it includes balancing sexual energy within one's own body, in speech, and also in mind." The art of balancing works with everything! Balancing attraction, understanding when attraction is only desire, when it has turned into wanting someone or something simply to possess it. Being a scorpio in astrology, I am very in tune with my sexual energy. Sometimes so in tune that I need to take a step back, take a look at the person, and try to decipher if this is a wise use of my energy. Wow. So yes, I admit, I have vulnerabilities. One of them is attraction.

Then again, I guess acknowledging it is the first step in balancing energies, finding the yoga within each life lesson. Why is nothing clear when love is involved? Why is beauty so addictive, and how can the beauty of attraction and chemistry be so imbalancing?

Ode to my Teachers

2009-02-20T09:00:00.004-05:00

My Tucson journey into the centre of my heart is complete. I've finished packing, and am heading to the airport for a day of travelling in a half hour. Looking back on this experience, I am overwhelmed by the beauty of witnessing divine magic in action. This whole trip, from the first part in December, to the culmination now. I left for Tucson on a whim, it just felt right. I never studied with Darren and Christina before. Then I found that I was so inspired by Darren, him having overcome his physical issues with scoliosis as well. He has so much of my respect and gratitude for his kind eye yet firm push towards my edge. Christina is a guiding light, a great force of feminine energy and love, who I look to as an inspiration for connecting the dots for me between my devotion and passion for yoga in guiding me towards my calling as well to write. I look forward to studying with her again in April in Austin, Texas, I cannot wait!

Then there were the many teachers within the group that I was blessed to be a part of. My roomate Tanya, who helped me clarify my choices, and is a true kindred spirit. Thanks Rachel for your part in the divine hookup! Catherine, you are a shining star, I look forward to learning and teaching more with you in Texas, I love you! Scott, you continue to suprise me with what I continue to learn and grow from you, thank you, my heart opens to yours. Gosh, there are so many more, for I have learned and opened to each an every one of this incredible twenty-six spirits. But, I need to cut my ode to my teachers short for Raging Sage scones are calling me one last time....

To be continued...

Embracing my path

2009-02-15T20:19:00.004-05:00

Third day of the immersion has just ended, and I am overwhelmed by an intense feeling of open lovin' shri (divine beauty). Within the past three days my eyes and body have opened to embracing the expansion of the second and third Syllabi like never before. Connecting backbends into a flowing sirsasana dropback to viparita dandasana, then lifting up to urdvha dhanurasana to rise up to standing. Such grace. Connecting the giving visvamitrasana to eka pada koundinyasana b. Finally understanding within my body the connection required for astavakrasana. Growing our lotus (padmasana), as we experiment with deep forward bends and twists, such as Bhairavasana and Paripurna Matsyendrasana.

With all this flowing purnattva (fullness), we were left to contemplate our dharma (spiritual path). As we all discussed our deepest thoughts and possible secrets, it continued to come back to how Christina described that "our afflictions are our doorway to service". All of our sufferings throughout our lives have led us onto this path of aiding in the suffering of others. That is so special to me. I got into yoga after having forgotten about me and my body, until it cried out in pain. Through scoliosis, stiff joints and muscles, chronic back pain, I finally rolled out my yoga mat. Through facing my fears, my anger, my sorrow, my delusions of grandeur on my mat in various postures, I feel I am slowly stripping away those afflictions.

I know my dharma is spiritually healing or guiding others through the spoken and written word. Through my yoga teaching and in the future, my books. Discussing this today, I found my blocks also extended to my ability to communicate clearly what I am feeling. Yes, I write, but I still have problems fully articulating what is the essence of my message. I also found I had trouble finding the courage to write about my struggles and issues in a no-holds barred way, just allowing the armor around my heart, my feelings and my thoughts clear away in order for me to progress with my dharma.

I am so grateful for yoga practice. As said in the Bhagavad Gita, "On this path no effort is wasted, no gain is ever reversed, even a little of this practice will shelter you from the great sorrow or the greatest fear." Every day that I continue to practice, I acknowledge my sufferings and accept them more and more for being the guides along this road less travelled. My road. My spiritual path. And I express gratitude to the many people who have contributed their energy to me connecting more deeply to me. Connecting to your true self can only be done by connecting to others, so I thank you.

Purple Mountains

2009-02-12T20:36:00.004-05:00

After a day of travel, I have arrived in lovely Tucson. I forgot how humbling it is to see such beautiful and majestic mountains in the horizon. Cactii and desert dust encompass this sleepy city. It finally feels like I'm on vacation, whew! I'm once again staying with the awesome Tanya, so have just got in, and cooking up some veggie gyozas from Trader Joe's that I love, and looking forward to catching up on the Anusara Immersion Manual. Time for me time. As I immerse myself more into the dedication of my time to the service of others, me time tends to come few and far between. The couple hours of my yoga practice, a possible tea with a friend. Now for the next eight days it's all me time. I'm currently reading this wonderful book by Michael Stone, "The Inner Tradition of Yoga". It's my gift to myself this week to compliment the learnings within this six day intensive. It's time for me to revisit the philosophies that drew me to yoga once again. Well, I'm off to read and unpack - until tomorrow then!

Present is where it's at

2009-02-09T19:41:00.003-05:00

So I'm counting down the days to my trip to Tucson for Phase 3 of the Anusara Immersion, woohoo! I have been one busy yoga teacher lately, picking up sub jobs left right and centre, plus obtaining more private classes, so whew! This immersion could not have come at a better time. Seven days of desert sun and yoga is just what the naturopath ordered. Especially since when I come back, it will be back to a flurry of activity, moving out! Yes, I have finally decided to take the plunge out of my family's support into the real world. A professional yoga teacher who can afford those big things, like an apartment. It's been difficult scheduling viewings into the small window of time between work and packing, but I've been a superstar of the multitasking lately. Also have been awesome of knowing what to reschedule. Understanding that even though I may be fantastic at juggling fifty things at once, it is more beneficial for me to juggle less, to admit that I cannot do everything, that sometimes I may have to push meetings and coffees until a later time. Another week, or maybe never?

I am trying to plan now without obsessing about planning, to focus as much on the present and less on the past or future. Women naturally have the tendency to worry and over-analyze. I feel it is a gift to myself to let go of that worry and excess mind warp by looking at what is possible now, what feels right at this moment in time. To try to fully express and live today. Sometimes that means to go with your instinct, make decisions in a more efficient manner, not lull about pros and cons forever. Hopefully this will aide me in finding the right place for me to live. Wish me luck!

Romancing myself

2009-02-04T23:05:00.004-05:00

The more I teach, the more I fall in love with yoga all over again. I've been teaching a lot lately, trying to teach some extra classes prior to my trip to Tucson next week. As I continue to "bliss" people out throughout the day, my body begins to yearn the same experience. It makes my yoga practice become even more special. It truly is a gift from myself to myself. So, I've decided to make this February, the month of Valentine's and all things love-ly, to romance myself with yoga. To give myself the daily gifts of delicious food, good conversation, and connection to my true self through my yoga practice. Some of you may laugh, since I'm a yoga teacher and technically have not given myself a break from my practice, but also some of you may understand. Your intention behind your practice continues to change, and this month I am entering into with the intention of "gifting" my practice to myself. I want to cherish the time on my mat, for as my teaching schedule gets fuller, the time I allow for my own practice becomes even more special.

So some may do chocolates or flowers, but I choose to romance myself with yoga. The love and care that I give to my own practice and hence to myself I hope will pass along to others around me. Pass along the yoga love, have others fall in love with themselves. It really is the most meaningful relationship! :)

Too much sugar and snow

2009-01-28T20:58:00.007-05:00

Well I'm inspired. And it didn't take me learning a new language, changing around my schedule, or any other external fixes. All it took was for me to truly look inside and see what I was not seeing. Face what needed to be faced. During these past three weeks, Mercury has been in retrograde. This was hugely frustrating for me because I had all these plans for this upcoming year, and the universe was telling me to take a break. Don't make any large decisions, slow down. Try telling that to me - it doesn't matter who you are - I'm going to plan and do even more! So, as I filled my days with additional sub-teaching jobs, and my journal with additional goals, I began to look elsewhere for my next step in my spiritual growth. Instead of looking within, I would take something that was on my mind and blow it out of proportion.

Things are going well for me. For once, I'm not worrying how I will pay my bills, I love teaching yoga and it's my full-time job! I've had many blessings handed to me as soon as I've come to this path. So as it gets very good, my overachieving pitta mind thinks great, I'm finally obtaining my goals, so what's next? Where do I go from here? So, on a cold, blustery day last week, I thought of South America. Ever since I found out that my biological father is Chilean, I knew that sometime in my life I would make the spiritual journey there. Discover what needs to be discovered, heal what needs to be healed. So, of course, when all gets good in my world, I think it's time to go seek my soul path in South America! Yes, and I have been thinking of this for the past week. My over analyzing, overachieving brain made this plan even seem plausible. More than plausible, the cemented next step within my dharmic path.

Then today it dawned on me. There is a little part of me that even when everything is great, is not ready to accept that it is great. I'm so used to continuing to plunder ahead, I have not learned how to act once I've actually gotten to a place where I want to be. I love the studios I work at, I adore my students and learn so much from them, my family is so supportive, my friends are lights within my life. I'm in a good place.

My friend recently told me she met her love of her life when she was in a good place. My sister told me the same thing months ago. Oh yes, and my other best friend who's in a committed relationship mentioned the same thing. Is that it? Am I ready to let the career be as great as it is, and instead of looking at the next thing to achieve to truly allow my life to be good? Am I ready for love? So I did the major test. I looked at my South America "plans" and thought, what would be the one thing that would prevent me from leaving everything I've worked so hard on building in Toronto? Yes, it finally dawned on me. All that I've worked so hard for in my life and am finally celebrating that I have received, I was willing to throw it all away. But one thing would have made me change my mind. If I fell in love. Wow. Talk about revelations!

By this point within my spiritual journey, I am not truly looking for more "spirit". I have actually been searching for one particular spirit. The one that will be by my side during this time of celebration. I finally recognize the need for love.

I have obtained all my goals thus far, and am certain that by aligning with my true spirit I will obtain all my future ones. I am now ready to let go of the need for achievement, and am willing to try to learn how to just be. I will try to learn how to allow the love within my heart to connect with another. My intention for this year has more meaning than ever before. Fun and Love. That's all I'll "plan". Do you hear that God? I surrender the reigns to you.

Creative Inspiration or the Lack Thereof

2009-01-25T20:17:00.003-05:00

I've been a bit uninspired in my writing recently. It's interesting, everything's great, my life's running smoothly, actually things are quite excellent. Then why am I stumped in the writing department? I remember back to when I read Julie Cameron's book on writing, and she said that sometimes you may have to switch up the ordinary routine to get inspired once again. I've been so focused lately on practicing yoga, teaching yoga, and studying yoga, that have I dried up my creative inspirations? Maybe it's a possibility. Maybe I should step out of my comfort box this week, try something a little different, shake up my weekly routine.

This upcoming week is a busy one for me anyways. I'm going back to Tucson, AZ in 2 1/2 weeks, so, I took on some additional classes to teach. I'll be busy, that's for sure. But what else could I do that would switch things up, hmmm.. I have been thinking of learning a new language. Maybe it's time to look into the beauty and mystery of the Spanish language already. I've been so focussed on my dharma (spiritual path) since I returned from Arizona in December, that maybe nothing is new to inspire my imagination. Or, maybe it's just Mercury in retrograde, who knows?

All I know is that this isn't like me, so I'm going to get going on this new language...