Let's Talk About Faith, Baby

I always knew that I was supposed to be a spiritual teacher. Supposed to be, meaning meant to be. Must be. A given in the purpose of my life, an obvious that I have felt for a long time within me, that was waiting to burst forth. I was uncertain of which way this would come about, was I to graduate from teaching yoga to teaching about placing faith in the universe? Would it be through the practice that I was able to reveal to others the power of Source? Or, was it through my writing, that I would find the ability to reach those even off the mat, and allow them to release any discordance they held around the idea of surrendering, softening, being receptive to the concept of God? Yup, I did it. I dropped the G-word, the trigger-full, vibrationally stagnant, due to all the emotional turmoil that surrounds that seemingly innocent three-letter-word.

It's a huge trigger word for me personally, throughout my childhood I encountered many different possibilities of faith, from Maharishi Ayurveda to Orthodox Judaism. I was born with an immense trust in source that was skewed with skepticism and disbelief from what I witnessed around me, within my surrounding world. I saw the great divides the choice of religion created, instilling a lack of trust in your inner wisdom, your inner seed of the divine tampered with by Monsanto. I experienced yoga as a safe zone, spirituality disguised as a physical workout, a way I could discover the bodily sensation of faith, without tripping out in a temple. I felt I was forced into religion, but I literally fell into faith. As soon as I allowed myself to divorce from the dogma of my earlier years, from societal perceptions of God, I discovered it within me. I felt the divine Source both in spirit and in matter, the trust in this great power that be coursing through my blood, the solidarity of my bones, the sinewy fibers of my muscles, within the pores of my skin. It revealed itself within my diaphragm, within the Spirit of my breath, commingled with each pulse of inspiration and excavation. This pulsation of us reflecting the external pulsation of our greater experience, the reveal and conceal - the Awakening flowing into the Mystery.

Within my public teachings, I disguised talking about the divine, finding every way to instill trust in ourselves without having to talk about the G-word. I heard from students how it was still a tough word to swallow, like one of those big multi-vitamin horse-pills, too much all at once. I used safe words like devotion, trust, mutual respect, interconnectivity, inner wisdom, inner guide. I devised a class called Hot Core, to highlight how hardcore it truly was to connect to our center, to the reveal of Spirit and Matter commingling, cultivating the seed of Light-Love-Source-You. I felt the hunger within you, the desire of the seeker, searching for something that was lost, taken away or given away sometime within your story. I felt the resistance and the fear within you, that still kept you on the hamster wheel, continuously plucking along, uncertain or afraid to admit why. I felt these within myself as well. These finely interwoven and embedded ideas that I thought were "mine", that filled me with distrust, no confidence in truth. I began to unravel and extract these things within me that were not me to begin with. I worked as diligently as a brain surgeon, piercing my laser scalpel through the bullshit, surprising myself along the surgical journey, parts of ME were not ACTUALLY ME!

Then it spoke. The conversation of body to mind to heart of me, began a larger discussion with my world. I saw signs and symbols all over the place, as I flowed through time, finding post-it notes from Source everywhere! Sometimes the conversation was quite humorous and playful, from one child to another, delighting in synchronicities and mischief. Other times it had more weight, making me accountable for what I must act upon within my life. Both guiding and supporting me. Sometimes it was just nature itself - the Earth, the Wind, the Sun, the Rain. I faced this simple symbiosis, this eternal harmony. The wisdom embedded within and without, the knowledge of my Spirit, the intelligence of my Body, both illuminating the same truth in a slightly different way. Holy shit, the bi-polarities of fear began to combine, collaborating and restoring to unity.

I have faith. Ishvara Pranidhana, supreme dedication. This feeling, this knowing, has allowed what I thought I "knew" - the mental constructs of who I am, to release. It has revealed the most incredible source and sensation of Power within me. Around me. All over me. It's not all about love, and it's not all about light. It's not all about ascending in Spiritual matters, and it's not all about digging into the Wild spirit of Matter. They are two sides of the same coin. It's really all about all. Or nothing, really. Less words, less definitions, diving into the sensation of trust. You don't have to believe me. Believe in yourself, have faith in the whole. Or, not. It's your choice in the end. What do you choose today?