Treading Loudly

My esteemed colleague, Sjanie McInnis recently posted as her facebook status a most delicious quote from the brilliant Douglas Brooks, "Passion is not a problem. Passion is the solution." It couldn't have arrived in my iPhone Facebook meanderings at a better time. With the rampant heat of my current city, and all the topsy-turvy life offerings that have come with this pairing of recent eclipses, I feel that my understandings of yogic offerings has been turned upside-down and inside-out. Last year, I spent the majority of it in teacher-student mode, if not teaching classes and practicing, then basically my time was spent on the road, training, learning more and more and more. I was all gung-ho in continuing a similair stream of events this year, planning a travel and training schedule, organizing my life around my practice, for my life became my intrinsic quest for balance. Well, lo and behold, a half of a year in, I realized that I don't want to be an advanced yogi. My main desire in life is to be an advanced Josie. I want to know and love myself so well, that there will be no doubt in my mind that I am a perfect manifestation of the divine.
In order for me to fully embrace this idea, I had to analyze and be confronted with my many passions in life, what makes me me. As soon as I began this exploration of the many facets of my personality, I came across internal judgements and resistance to whatever did not seem balanced or yogic. I have always known that I am a writer, from a very young age, I could see in my mind's eye books published, recognition for my handiworks acheived. But, the fear of describing what I truly desire to share, my foray and exploration over many years into my various bits of passionate personality, play and work I felt needed to be censored. I am a yoga teacher, I have to bring it back to that place inbetween, the acknowledgement of the balancings of the extremes, the continuous practice of making the extremes less extreme, the continuous quest for the middle.
Then I remind myself of who inspires me. Friends, teachers and family that have struggled, have dove into life with gusto, and made major mistakes but are still living, still laughing and ready to talk about it. I love to observe the unfolding process of my own inner truths, aiming to accept them, but being okay if it's met with some resistance. I am passion. I live life fully. I would have it no other way. My nature craves social interaction, connection with other divine souls, intense conversations, fierce eyes, loud and raucous laughter. I cannot tread softly. It is not in my nature.
I remember when I was a child and belting tunes out at the top of my lungs, with no care that I couldn't carry a tune. I do see the good within everyone, and love them for their hang-ups, issues and baggage. For their social malfunctions as well as their successes. So, yes, I am a yoga teacher, I love what I do. But I will never practice for half a day, every day, working towards incredibly advanced postures on my mat. Instead, I will continue to utilize my practice in advancing me, my life and my comfort with my shortcomings as well as my improvements. I will throw off my shoes to practice in the grass, enjoy an impromptu practice session on my friends patio with a break for Campari and soda, or enjoy a class with a bunch of my community of students and teachers alike. My yoga practice continues to highlight what I am most passionate about, my life and the people within it. And I am most greatful to hear from the esteemed yogis and scholars that it ain't a problem, but it can be the solution if I choose.
I am inspired, I am ready, I have faith. There is ebbs and there is flows, but I can become a constant. Sometimes a constant force to be reckoned with, and sometimes a consistently compassionate individual. And I'm okay with that, actually not just okay, jubilantly happy. Are you?